What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 7 Nov, 2009 09:05 PM
I tend to keep the same screen name online from place to place, as it makes me easy to find, and people get to know who they are talking to. I must say however, that I find it terribly rude and presumptuous of people however to just assume its perfectly fine to contact me on private chat, acting like some how they know me, when they do not, and often times they obviously don't know me for the insulting way they address me. Just burns me every time.
Tonight some guy who says he checked out my profile on this site, contacts me on yahoo chat, and his very first words are "Hey Sexy!"
Trust me on this one, if some guy walked up to me and said that, there is a very good chance he would walk away with a neck injury when I slap him really hard. That is not an opening line that works on me at all, in fact I find it insulting.
If the first thing a man does is undress me with his eyes, that is one fact he'd best be smart enough to keep to himself. When I see someone I think is attractive, I might think they are cute and want to know more, but immediately presume they would want me to address them as a stud muffin, or any other sexual derogatory term, well that just tells me one thing. Someone is not the Christian they are claiming to be. For the only man I will ever want to call me sexy, will be my husband (note: NOT my FUTURE husband), and that will only be in the privacy of our own home between us where it is special and it means something.
I would never insult a person in that manner, and then think they would even want to speak to me, yet I get this at least once every couple of weeks or so.
So men, if this sounds the least bit like a tactic you would ever consider, think of this as really good advice. Stick to the site and contact the person you are interested in with a polite and respectful interest.
If I wanted to be treated like live stock at the auction barn, I would frequent the many sites that cater to that type of thing.
I thought perhaps starting this thread, others can list their true peeves as well, and maybe ignorantly online challenged might learn something in the area of manners.
Thank you my friends for letting me sound off on this. I find such behavior so totally inappropriate, and if anyone else out there would like to add to this list of what really ticks them off, maybe we can improve expectations for successful online dating anyway.
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 7 Nov, 2009 10:52 PM
Hey Tarasye!! :waving:
I totally understand where you're coming from! I was on this site one night and a chat screen popped up and it read, "Hey Sexy!" maybe we got the same guy...I don't remember his name, but I closed the chat box and he kept on and on. Finally, I told him that I didn't think that was a very nice way to address a lady and I tried to bow out gracefully but since he was determined and would not take the nice hint I did not wish to speak to him. Amazingly enough, he apologized and I didn't hear from him again.
Also, my profile reads that I'm only here for the forums and I'm communicating with one person, but some guys still send me messages. Granted, most of them that view me do not send a message, but for the ones that do, it's obvious they don't read anything in my profile. I don't know. I try to stay nice and try to treat people how I'd like to be treated, but sometimes it seems harder than others.
I'm with ya sister! I'll be your sounding board anytime you need one!! :) Vent away!!
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 8 Nov, 2009 02:47 PM
I am looking for somebody close to where I live.I know that somebody more then 200 miles from my home will just be friends.I can not find anybody that close to me yet.Sometimes I am puzzled as to the no response that women give.If I see that they look at my profile and write them I never here from them.
My pic that you see draws about 3-4 viewers a day.:applause: I would like to hear from a lady in Ohio or a border state.
I do not want to get involved with somebody to far away as that meeting will cost more than it is worth.
Plus, I never greet a lady with Hey Sexy. that is What a 20 year old would do!!!!!!
I might say you look much younger than you are and stop there.
That goes much further and has made somebodies day on this site.The woman was very happy I said that.It is how you say it.
A woman also told me some guys complained about her pic.It showed her a little on the overweight side.That hurt her abd she pulled that picture.As a guy I never would say something to a lady like that.
I can also write you ladies in these forms and get the something as a private chat.Why talk in private?Dennis:waving:
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 8 Nov, 2009 07:23 PM
You are so right Dennis, I am truly suspicious of men that cannot get to know me on the forums. I don't want them to be impressed with a package, I want them to be impressed with the WHOLE package, in other world I want them to enjoy my posts and find me interesting and hope they want me to feel the same way when they post.
I enjoy private email from people that post regularly. I feel like I have many friends here. I think as we age, women all face the harsh critics of their image, and that is hard. The world already tells us we are not young enough, thin enough, pretty enough, and when men jump in and participate in that, not having any idea about our hearts, that hurts and its really damaging. I understand hygiene is important, but realistically our genetics are all different, and that means as we age, many of us cannot possibly remain thin. I have a medical condition for my weight that took years to even diagnose. In my younger days I could have eaten an entire pizza and you would have thought I must be bulimic for I was 5'9" 120 lbs. Now I eat a slice and gain weight that took me a month to shed. I have never lived more healthy, but you see profile after profile stating "I care enough to take care of my body and want a woman that does the same." and trust me, they are not talking about me and my efforts, and their assumptions are truly not kind, and many express them quite openly. I truly think many would prefer a hottie with an evil heart over a plainer package with a burning heart of beauty for the Lord. I know men are visual, but tact is really important for beauty does fade, and we would all do well to remember that Lucifer was the Angel of Light and often uses beauty to deceive.
Thanks for weighing in friends, I wish more people would. I think we really have a lot to learn from each other. Oh, and Dennis, be careful with that "you look so young" thought. That picture might be ten years old! LOL Been there...yikes.
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 9 Nov, 2009 03:25 AM
Hello Tarasye & Browneyedgirl ! :waving:
I agree to both of you because I had the same experienced too,but on a different christian website. It is really a rude behavior to send a message like that when we really don't know each other.
And I'll take this opportunity to ask both of you my dear sisters in Christ, can we be friends? I've been reading your forum Tarasye for
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 11 Nov, 2009 10:26 AM
Hi Tarasye,
Reading these different posts and answering them has taught me somethings about human nature and about my own nature.
Thinking about what has been said here � what comes to my mind is � that there are many different types of fruit trees with a diverse variety of fruits. Some are bitter, some are sweet, some are poisonous. They come in many sizes � colors and textures. The one thing that they all have in common is They All Need To Mature.
So, when a man approaches a woman that he is a stranger to (either in person or online) and says something like � Is It hot in here or is it just you?� to me shows a lack of maturity. There may be some women that get a kick out of that, but it just reminds me of the Steve Martin character of the Wild and Crazy Guys.
To be fair, some men were actually taught to be that way, yet to claim you are a Christian with a New Heart and not have the sensibilities that should come with it � says much. Also again to be fair, some people are just shy or fear failure � thus the short messages or IM.
Frankly, I find that blind instant messaging can be an intrusion (especially if typing to you is like gathering water with a strainer) and I liken it to whistling at a woman on the street or sitting out in the car and honking the horn � a little more energy and a man can show he is a gentleman (but that is just my old fashioned opinion).
Peace
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 11 Nov, 2009 12:19 PM
Hi Ida, Welcome to the forums, I would love to develop a friendship with you Sister. I enjoy meeting new friends in Christ, and I learn so much from so many of the Beautiful people here!
Archemidies, I love what you had to say about the varieties of fruit that people tend to produce, it is so very true.
I beg to differ on the IM thing though for this site gives us many wonderful ways to communicate and if one is shy, email is perfect for that. I honesty believe they know if they send such a message on this site, that the site would think it was out of line as well, which is why they try all kinds of lines to make you think they are having trouble navigating the site or one even tried to convince me that he had a profile here until he read mine and was so taken by it that he deleted his profile just knowing I was the one.
I sort of had trouble buying that, really. Stuff like that just has scammer written all over it, but I usually try to be nice and let them know that I am really not interested in a long distance relationship as it is just too difficult to get to know someone that far away, and leave it at that.
If you look up the word Christian in the dictionary, I don't think the word "gullible" comes up as a descriptor. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt to an extent, but if someone's behavior is truly inappropriate, I think the kindest thing you can do is call them on it so at least they realize they have behaved in a way that is offensive, and maybe next time they will improve their approach. But I do feel it is very presumptuous to contact any woman with an opening line like "hey sexy!", especially a Christian woman. The only woman I actually think that might work on probably charges for her company as a means of support and probably doesn't like it any better than any of the rest of it, but tolerates it in the name of making a living.
It would really be no different than if I contacted you for the first time and said "hey beefcake stud muffin!". It just reduces you to merchandise, and its not complimentary at all, only offensive. No doubt someday when you marry that woman of your dreams, you will hope she feels that way about you, but frankly if a total stranger says that to you, it is just inappropriate and offensive.
Christ said that they would know we are Christians by how we live. That in itself says so very much.
But what you said about the variety of fruit, is a statement worth keeping in the front of my mind for awhile, that was awesome and far more true than I think I even realize, and I thank you for that. I am going to further contemplate that.
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 13 Nov, 2009 10:46 AM
How about not writing back to someone who took the time to write you a nice letter or short note of interest? Would that be considered as being rude? I do.
What does it really take if someone writes you and you are not interested in them to simply give a courteous reply that ...well... here's an example: "
Thank you so much for writing me however I do not believe that we would be compatible. God bless you in your search. In Christ ...then sign it off."
Is that all that difficult and all that time consuming? You could always have it pre-made in a word program.
What is your idea of rude behavior with online dating??
Posted : 13 Nov, 2009 02:34 PM
I totally agree Walter, and to add to that, I recall IM'ing with this guy over in England a long time ago and I finally dumped him because every time we would talk, I would find myself talking to no one because he would just sign off and leave without a word, right in the middle of a conversation. I told him I found that upsetting, yet he continued the behavior. Apparently couldn't find the time to say, "catch ya later, gotta go for now"
I have to agree with you in this day and age of technology, cell phones, and computers, texting and IM'ing, rude has pretty much become the norm rather than the exception, and I don't much care for it either.
