My ex and I separated on the basis that we could/would get back together. I was being mentally abused and needed time apart from him. I had thought aobut divorce but was not sure what to do. So that is why I left, so that I would have time to reflect on what to do.
When I left we were living in Italy. He was on his way to a school in Texas for three months and I took the kids and went to stay with my parents.
During the three months we talked several times and every time we talked he said that he would wait for me, to take as much time as I needed.
About 10 days after he returned to Italy, (3 months after we separated) not even a couple days after saying that he would wait for me as long as it takes, he asked for a divorce.
I asked him why the sudden change and all he would say is that he wanted a divorce.
Well, I found out about a month later that he was dating one of my friends. (Her husband had died in Afghanastan 5 months prior to them starting to date) He denied it of course. Even though I had proof. He denied it up until after the divorce until my children went to see him for the summer in Hawaii ( That is where he was transferred to during the divorce) this summer and he couldn't deny being with her any longer because she and her 3 children were living with him. And my children weren't going to lie to me.
My question is: When I left him, I didn't plan on getting divorced, anytime soon anyway, I just needed time away from the mental abuse, but during the separation he was with another woman, is it still considered adultery if we were separated? I know to some of you this sounds like a stupid question, but i just need to know from someone else that it was wrong of him. Because for the divorce no one would do anything aobut him being with someone after the separation because we were separated and they didn't consider it adultery for him to be dating after the separation, or I guess I just had a lazy lawyer who didn't want to go into all of that. I am pretty sure that it was adultery according to God's word, but they weren't judging it by His word.
I didn't even go on my first and only date so far until after we were divorced.
dear sam, yes he did committ adultery even though you were seperated .. GOD still seen you all as married.. the bible tells us to seperate for a time if we need a time of reconcilliation.. now im not makin escuses for him as what he done was wrong and you are guiltless.. i think many people can learn from your experience though.. im glad you posted. this may help others who are thinkin bout seperating..i think its so easy the way society has become for folks to seperate nowadays.. but the bible also gives us a warning about the perils of not being there and for your mate..
1 corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
In my eye's It's still Adultry I didnt even start dating again Intill a year after our divorce (we had been apart for two years by that time.)
Let me tell you a little bit of my story (but this Isn't even the half of it. lol)
When my now ex-husband and I separeted he met somebody shortly after (a month later) and he actually had the nerve to bring her with him to our home to retrieve Is stuff. of course, at the time I didn't realize they were together...but, boy, was I in for a rude awakening once I discovered otherwise... needless, to say I flipped out out on him! lol
well, six months goes by and I run Into his cousin and she says, "You know he Is gonna be having another baby soon, right? I was In shock It took about 10 minutes for reality to finely sink In. .I had to leave work because I was crying and I couldnt function after that little bomb shell had been dropped! I called his Mom and questioned her about what I had heard and of course she lies to me and tells me It wasnt true...I believed her, considering this was coming from his own Mother's mouth (and I tend to take people at there word) but my Mother on the other hand wasn't buying it
..well, just so happens I have an Aunt that lives In there area so my Mother sent her to a yard sale they were having (this Is a great Aunt and they had never met her) because my mother wanted the truth...sure enough...she was about six months pregnant.
What goes around comes around though..when there daughter was only three months old she left him and later filed for divorce. and my ex has now realized that he made the biggest mistake of his life and tries on and off to get back with me..but of course, It Isn't ever gonna happen. He Is just gonna have to live with It. and deal with the fact that he ended our marriage and walked out on our family for somebody he barely even knew.( we have been apart for five years now and divorced for four)
I have had my fair share of being lied to and hurt by others. The one thing I can say through It all is that It has only made me stronger. God has healed me and I have forgiven everyone involved, we all get along now. In Fact, we have birthday parties together and Billy's other daughter's mom and I went for pizza and a movie awhile back! lol ( I guess I'm just an exception to the rule though, because there arent many who can or will do that lol)
He broke the marriage vows for sure~~God always gives us the option of forgiving as He Himself has forgiven us over and over~~but you are free to go your way now and not feel condemned.
Many times separated people try to date and get on these sites which is really not good because they are still married and have so much healing to do. I dated a guy that was separated from his wife for three years and his divorce was finalized during our dating time but~~it did not work out. He was still married even though she was cheating and he was so raw with pain, yet.
We all learn from the past and need to grow and move on with the Lord's grace and love~~always choosing to forgive.
May you find happiness along the way and run into your soul mate~~:purpleangel:
This is why God hates divorce, it is so hurtful to so many people in its wake. Unfortunately, it is often still, so necessary which is so unfortunate. Abuse is NOT the way God intended marriage to be. Sister please, contact a local abuse shelter in your neighborhood that has a support group to help you learn to identify those red flags of abuse, so you don't unknowingly repeat that cycle with another man that turns out to be just the same way, as they are always so charming int the beginning, and give yourself time to heal, and do not be in a hurry to proceed with new relationships. Abusive people will try to hurry things along before you get onto their game. In the Words of Our Lord, Love is Patient, Love is Kind.
Take care of yourself and your children, and do your best to find peace with this man for the sake of your children, for as hard as it is on you, it is even harder on them.
Been there, done that, know how it is, and understand how you feel, but I will tell you there is hope, and things do get better with time and patience. I am so sorry you are going through this.
"Whosoever shall put away his wife, ...and shall marry another" And the word for put away is closer in meaning to seperation than a written divorce certificate. :waving:
