So I added an old love of mine on facebook. Lol. He had first moved to
town when I was in the 7th grade. We got on the school bus every day
together until after the 10th grade when he graduated. One day I was
doing my hair in the mirror. 8th or 9th grade I think it was, and I
realized I had been thinking about him and what he would think about
how I looked the whole time. I had never seen anyone so lovely, and
still havent to this day I think. When I was in the 10th grade he came
up to me after we had gotten off the school bus in the morning and
told me he wanted to take me out on a date as soon as he got a car(
that was the best day of my life lol). Well a few days later I think
it was, and he told me he didnt want to anymore. I was so crushed. I
think I'm still crushed to this day. I truly thought I knew him better
than anyone. He wasn't a Christian. I always saw the good in him. I
knew there were bad things, but I always saw the good in him. I guess
because he was different around me than others and that made me have
compassion for him. But anyway, the day he told me he couldn't take me
out... He said he was to different from me, probably thought I was to
good for him in a certain way. I think he told me that I was a 'good
girl' and I deserved someone better. He told me that his dad grew
'weed' plants in his house and that he just didnt have a good home
situation. He had told me that his dad had cheated on his mom and then
married another woman, and that he cheated on his second wife to but
they are still married. I know this because his father still lives 2
houses down from me. Anyways, little did Chris know, that I was more
like him than he thought. And thats what also gave me compassion for
him. I was sooo crazy about him. I wasn't crazy about him because he
was a 'bad guy'. I really loved him because I knew for a fact that he
had a different side. I would have given all of my limbs for him. I'm
glad that he acknowledged the fact that I was a good girl though. I
have always been a good girl, always compassionate. But for a period
of years I put myself in bad situations, I succumbed to temptations
induced by lonliness and other things. I look back 8 months ago, and
even then I was no where near where I am now. I'm closer to my Father,
than ever before and I still have heaps and bounds to go. I totally just
got off subject.
Christ was so lovely. I adored him and he never
really knew how much. He lives in charleston south carolina now, only
about 2 1/2 hours away from me. I saw his picture again on facebook,
and the feelings all came pouring back into me. He was as perfect as a human
can be, which doesnt come close to real perfection, but you might know
what I mean. plus, I just adored him. We talked every day almost for 5
years, before and after school. I remember those days when he would
tell me how much he loved my hair and how pretty I was and it was
sincere( this started a couple years after I'd known him) I loved him
for 5 years but I realized I would probably never see him again. I had
no idea where he went, he just dissapeared one day, moved away. And if
I still love him, that would make 7 years, almost 8 :S I was almost
positive that he truly loved me to, but at the end, he ran away from
me in fear. I wrote him a letter once or twice in my 11th grade year
and put them in his mailbox which was only a couple down from mine but
I never got a reply back from him. He is still so lovely. I wouldn't
say that I'm blind to what/who he is because I understand him so much,
despite if he would ever say different. The only difference is he
gives way to his darker side more with deep issues underneath, and I
run towards the lighter side with deep issues underneath. I would give
anything to sit and talk with him all day and all night. Maybe I have
never really grieved. My mind has seen such dark things. Its only by
the Father's love that I have a second chance. Why do you think I
cared about him the way I did, and obviously still do? Its not
unthinkable, but irrational. Maybe the heart doesn't know 'rational'
at times and thats where the Father comes in. Hes there before that, but you know what I mean! To all the guys and ladies here what does this guy's actions say to you? Why did he decide to go the other way? I couldn't have dated him and still wouldnt date him but I surely would talk to him. My heart still swoons over him. Why is this, if he clearly did not want me in that way?
Maybe you saw all he could be? People sometimes have good foundations. They either just build the wrong stuff on them...or life throws them some nasty building materials. Good thing is, everybody can rebuild. You never know. Maybe this guy is still in your path. Maybe he'll find God and come back. Just make sure you're ready for whatever God has for you. Only God knows, you just have to trust Him.
