I am a rationally minded person - and someone who relies on logic for my career and in most areas of my life. I certainly have emotions, and can display them when I feel the need arise, but logic does tend to rule my thoughts.
What I have found though (especially on a dating website) is that while everything may look good on paper, in reality, that is not specifically what people seem to be after. If it were a checkllst, then I would have found someone in the first few months.
So here's my question to one and all. While the logic states that people would find harmony together based on preference, standards, and taste, how much of that is actually what people look for?
People lie, all the time, they convince themselves they are just protecting themselves, delusions for everyone.
Woman in general tend to be averse to opening their true selves up to the world so most seem inclined to painting rosy and rather destorted self portraits of themselves for online dating.
A fair measure of men do it too they just call it "playing the game". This leaves the rest of us honest folk in the midst of a grand game of mutual desception where everyone knows everyone else is lying and refuses to take the risk of actually daring to tell the truth....personally I refuse to be that kind of manipulative coward but I'm crazy enough to actually do it.
"While the logic states that people would find harmony together based on preference, standards, and taste, how much of that is actually what people look for?"
People don't look for that, I think. People look for kindness, friendliness, empathy, and things like ability to carry on a conversation, being self-reliant, and just being "normal." Now, being "normal" is a code word for everything you should know but you don't. Let me not get into what that precisely means, because it is very long, but it is also the most important part. Haha
FOR EXAMPLE: Someone who is always talking bad things about other people (gossiping) is not normal. Someone who is always blaming others is not normal. Someone who sees people as either good or bad, white or black is not normal. Someone who is very selfish is not normal. and the list goes on and on.....
Recently, I was reading through some profiles of men and came across one guy who seemed interesting and lives in my area. On paper he was inline with a number of things that I like. However, one of his pictures was him lying in bed, no shirt, up close....I think it was This is what I look like in bed picture.
We all have the belief that being Christian is understood but what that really means is different for everyone. This is where communication is important. More details will provide more information and then you can continue or not.
Rambo I read your text and understand your meaning. This woman could easily fill in the word men for your word women.
One of my concerns with dating sites is that they guy seems ok to meet and then......
Don't think for one minute the facade is just with women. It's a human thing or should I say, how much human or not human that person is.
I'm like you. I do look at compatibility values with marriage in mind. The fewer differences the better, right? Marriage is challenging enough without being polar opposites politically, am I right? Some issues are even more important if you plan have children together.
Once those values are established as a solid foundation, the next step is going to be communication & personality compatibility.
I think those are the three main areas of compatibility for marriage, but each person prioritizes them differently (values, communication, personality). I don't know if there's a pattern among the genders when it comes to that priority, but in my experience most of the men I've dated were far more concerned with personality and "how we get along" than they were with core values and beliefs. That's where it's been challenging for me. I'd much rather find out your opinion on many important matters and if we are solid then learn each other's personality quarks and if we can figure out how to appreciate them. Communication is the bridge between the two. We could have all the same values and even personality traits but if we can't communicate them to each other, we've got nothing.
