This past couple of months have been a whirlwind of life lessons for me in regards to dating/marriage. I really feel that this is the time for me, and that the Lord has been preparing and changing me for this.
So part of this process has been getting mentored from a number of unexpected people who spoke profound things into my life that I really needed to hear. Several of them all made the same recommendation, upon hearing that I wanted to be married. Several were surprised: "Well, why didn't you tell anybody?"
I answered with "Well, because i didn't want the matchmakers causing me grief - I appreciate people's efforts for me, but frankly, it's like they didn't have a clue what kind of a girl would be good for me."
To which one wise man said "Ya, but if you tell others than they can PRAY for you." I felt kinda dumb after that, seeing as how I hadn't thought of that...
They all recommended that I make a list: What is it you look for in a woman? Why? What are you hoping for in a marriage? Where do you hope to go in such a relationship and ministry?
His wife took it one step further: "I made such a list, carefully, prayerfully. Then I stopped and looked at the list and asked myself, 'where would I meet this person?' and then went and attended a conference where I figured I would meet such a man. I met Bill that night, we wound up having supper together, and by the end of the evening, I was ready to marry the guy!"
And so, now that I've made such a list (and no - don't ask, I won't share! :laugh: ), I found it to be very helpful for myself. AND, I now have a team of people who are on my side, praying for a fulfillment of those things, acknowledging that the Lord knows what I want/need, and that He gives us the desires to begin with.
Anyway, thought I'd share that recommendation. Make a list if you haven't already!
dear ian, i recon a list is ok. but to me if you make a list and hold fast to it then you just might miss the one GOD is sendin your way because she may not fit your list completely.. i figure my wishin and listin aint done me so good hehe so im just gonna leave it all up to the good LORD.. prayin for and asking for the right one is cool. and others prayin for ya is also cool.. all the help we can get ...
Haha! Agreed - I'm not holding fast to my list, but it was helpful in many ways. This was basically what I was saying when I acknowledged that the Lord knows both what I want and need.
I had to ask myself after nine years, �Why am I still alone?� It wasn�t as though I was sitting back in my lazy chair, day dreaming like some fanciful young school girl. At the ripe age of 52, being well passed what society considers the prime age for a woman to find a mate. Read articles after articles about how to find a mate. What men look for in a woman, and what women look for in a man, and knowing all I knew about men. Finding myself still alone after all this time I started reflecting on the possible causes. After bolstering my courage enough just to look into a mirror, I came to the conclusion that any man should be proud to have me. Of course to reach this conclusion and to be fair to myself I did have to take into consideration my age, weight, and my house, my car, my job, and all the goodies I owned. Just to be fair of course. Still after analyzing everything I was still alone. Why? I came to the conclusion that I must be doing something wrong. I had made my list of requirements for a mate, and refused to budge for nine years. I would not be denied all I wanted. Lying in bed that cold winter night listening to the wind hollowing outside my bedroom window, sounding like a lost soul itself I thought of my list, and all my wants. Out of the blue a few things came to mind. Should it really be about what a woman wants? Or should it be about what men and women want? Shouldn�t the quest be for both man and woman? Shouldn�t I first look at myself? I had made my list of �wants� and then sat back waiting for that special man to come into my life and fulfill all my need and fantasy. Did I ever really think about what makes a good relationship, or for that matter does anyone? What are the basics needed in making a good and lasting relationship with anyone - man or woman? Have you seen anyone when asked what he or she wants in a relationship answer with what they are willing to give first?
Years ago I had a discussion with my Father about a scripture in the Bible. I have always considered my dad as the one and only true source to any question or problem I might have, knowing he could and would set me right. Our discussion was about a young man the Lord told to sell all he owned and to follow him. The young man went away sad, because he was very rich. He was not willing to give up all he had. In our discussion I took the side of the young man in telling my father that that was the old days and we no longer had to do that. After all I argued if we all gave up everything we owned and followed the Lord what would we have then? Who would do all the work and take care of everything? My Fathers reply was something that I will never forget and have tried to base my life on. He simply said in a lazy soft southern drawl. �I Guess We Would Have Heaven on Earth.�
In studying the bible the main topic is about �LOVE� and showing �LOVE.� Any relationship is about �LOVE�. Not what you want or need, but what both people want and need. It calls for a person to be able to both give love and know how to receive love.
Showing love requires us to take our minds off of ourselves and place it on someone else. It requires us to learn how to forgive others, to be patient, kind, caring, and giving. The lists goes on and on, but look how it is not a list that we consider when we are making our list of wants. Why is that?
It doesn�t matter if one is Christian or Non-Christian love is still the same. Not only do we need to give love, but we also need to be able to receive love. Many people don�t know how to receive love and that makes an unhappy relationship as well. It�s really easy to learn how to receive love. Just simply see ourselves through the eyes of the one�s that give love to us, and learn how to forgive ourselves as they forgive us.
Give to others and we will receive back. Try it and see if it doesn�t work. Hug a friend and they will hug you back, Kiss a lover and they will kiss you back. Reach out and give a helping hand to a stranger and watch as someone gives you a helping hand when you need it. If we give love we receive love. If we give hate we receive hate.
If we ask for their list of needs before we give them our list of needs we will more than likely receive everything we need if not more than we ever dreamed of or hoped for. To truly love we must be willing to give up all we have. To gain all we ever wanted. It�s simple Give and Take. If all we want is our list of what someone else must be or have we are not looking for love we�re looking for things; or more stuff to place with our stuff.
When are we ever going to stop looking at love as a Christmas stocking stuffed with all kinds of goodies? Love is not a thing and is more than just a feeling. It is building a bond; joining two spirits together as one and creating a relationship based on giving of one�s self.
If the young man had given all he owned, what do you think he would have received in return? If we gave all we have in a relationship what do you think we would receive in return? If we get hurt in a relationship will we lose ourselves or will we grow stronger from the lose. Is it better to love and lose or is it better to never have loved?
We guard our properties way too much and because of that so many people never allow their self to love. They are not willing to suffer loses any more than the young man in the Bible was. Is there anything we can learn from the young man? Yes! There is. If we hold even just a little back we miss out on all we could and should have had in our relationships. There are no sureties in this world and I don�t think we will ever find love as we are meant to as long as we place material things before others. It�s not bad to have a list, but is the list a list of things, like fancy luxury cars, a mansion on a hillside, a boat the size of a battleship, enough money to buy Donald Trump�s palace five times over and what about looks? Does the man have to be as tall as a basketball player with eyes the color of the sky, and built like Mr. Universe. Let�s not forget about all the lovely ladies. What�s required of them? Can she work a full time job and still be home in enough time to cook your meal, wash your socks, build a fire, and stay up late enough to put the dog out. Does she really have to be between 5�2�and 5�4� weight no more than a hundred and two pounds with blonde hair and big blue eyes, and built like a brick outhouse? Got the picture yet?
I found the man I had spent so many years searching for, but not until I changed my list around. I no longer looked for all the things, but started looking at the man himself. What I saw was a man with a very special spirit; a giving man, not a taking man, one that will stay by me through life�s endless up�s and downs. He is not the man that was on my list, I thank god for that, because if he were he would not and could not be the loving man is.
