Thread: Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
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Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 9 Aug, 2015 05:56 PM
I'm not sure where to start with this...and apologies in advance if what you're about to read is too much information...but this is something that's weighed on me for a very long time.
I originally met a woman from another country on this website, and to make a long story short, we met up after several months of communication. I genuinely, absolutely loved her unlike anyone I've ever known, and remained faithful to her despite the distance between us. We enjoyed continual communication, Skyped regularly, even recorded Youtube videos for each other depicting places we'd been. It was love in its purest form...at least on my end.
She had asked for money away from this website, because it was scarce for her as she lived with her mother and the two owned a sparce hotel for tourism. I complied at first and felt so in love with her that it just seemed we were meant for each other. After a while I stopped sending money as I was having serious reservations about how she was spending it; she told me she'd promise to visit me in my country, but it wasn't like I could verify she was spending it on that process as she'd said. Eventually she broke up with me after having said she'd already said how much she loved me, how I was "the one", speculating what our kids might look like, and promising she wouldn't make decisions upon the future of our friendship until she had visited me.
Anyway...it was a traumatic experience to read a breakup email after having invested so much time and energy for 11 months. After she became pregnant and married a man from her country, I cut off communication from Facebook. It was a wound which, 6 years later, has proven difficult to heal from.
She reached out to me out of the blue a couple years ago, asking for advice on her marriage to her husband. He'd shown signs of aggressive behavior, had committed adultery several times over, and had separated himself from "Sil" and their daughter. She also asked for forgiveness from me. It was a hard situation to be in but I said it sounded like he was potentially abusive and if she had only been happy for first 3 months out of the 3 years they'd been married I thought she should consider divorce. After several months I received another email from her saying we should no longer communicate and that her husband was the man for her. Again, I didn't expect to hear from her following that.
About two years ago, she reached out to me again. She basically covered the exact same ground she had two years ago, only this time he had physically attacked her. I flat-out said she needed to stand up for her and her child and get away from him (divorce). I made it clear that this was advice I would give to anyone given what she'd told me.
Of course, all of this is from her, and I can't prove what is and isn't factual. After a few months, she started communicating with me, becoming downright flirtatious in some areas. She talked about how she missed me, and even said she wished we could be neighbors. It was extremely difficult to provide support to her while hearing information like that, as I still felt I had feelings for her but wanted to do right by her legal status as a married woman. I did ask her for verification on her marriage, and she said she was legally married but never felt it was right in the eyes of God. Since then, I made sure not to say things that would come off as flirtatious on my end...again, I have no way of proving any of what she's saying is the truth.
We have since reduced communication significantly. Once, however, she mentioned how there was a group of Christians at her church, and how one of them was from a nearby state (for me) about an hour's drive away. She mentioned how she'd like for us to become friends. To me, it sounded like a perfect opportunity to get to lay my heart bare and seek guidance, as well as ask how she was doing and if things were on the up and up from her end.
I haven't heard back from her since asking about further info about this person, and it's been over a month now. I don't know what to do...ask her again directly, stop communicating with her...it's a difficult situation to reveal to my friends, since the situation is so unique from anyone I've ever known. I generally feel over her but there are days (this being one of them) where I do miss her. I just wish I knew the truth, both in the past and present.
That was a long read, I know, but if you could respond I'd greatly appreciate it. God Bless!
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 9 Aug, 2015 06:29 PM
Also thought I'd add this, since I can't edit what was written:
It's quite obvious to me that I was manipulated at some time during our relationship...yet at the same time, I also believe in forgiveness and she has shown remorse from the past. I'm currently in the process of expanding my social life when I'm not working and am not shutting out potential relationships...in other words, I'm not stuck exclusively on this situation. Thanks. :)
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 9 Aug, 2015 06:33 PM
My brother...I would first like to say how sorry I am that you've experienced such a "roll coaster" encounter with this women! If you don't mind me being blunt and to the point but...this situation you described doesn't seem like it will end well, if things aren't done decently and in order!
I say that because you might be putting yourself into a situation where you don't know all the details! You also sound as if your emotional feelings for her is not allowing you to make wise and Godly decisions! She made the decision to marry this man and honestly she will have to make the decision to remove herself and her child out of harms way!! It seems all you can really do is pray for God's perfect will in her situation and move forward with your own life!
But the question now is...can you be just a "friend" to her? Can you not feel "vulnerable" to your emotions towards her if you have contact with her? I really recommend you pray diligently to The Lord regarding this situation...not making any adverse decisions until you sense God's leading! We are here as Christians to be a blessings to others, but not to be used or taken advantage of! I pray all turns out well in Jesus Name! Be blessed.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 10 Aug, 2015 08:20 AM
Let me say what I do think. And it is could go and maybe to be useful for everyone, men and women.
As a woman I can say that she never truly loved you, but you generally seems a very kind-hearted and nice lovely person, and this attract .
But I am sure she viewd you as one,not only, of variation in her life, and one of her sponsors.
If you date a woman or man- from other country, i would give a few advices
Communication..
The more the better,best on live camera. Not messages or just videos,but live.
Visiting..
Best if man visiting woman first. Maybe im old feshioned mind etc but i think that is right when man do first steps. If woman dont want you to visite her, or always have some sort of ""problems"" etc- time to beware.
Money...
It is normal for men to support and protect his woman, its what Adam had to do- protect garden and Eve. When Adam failed- we know how it is ended up..
But!!! If you only nicely communicate, and She ASK for money- beware!! Normal woman(and men) never ask for money , she may share her problems with you but will never ask directly. And also- she survived somehow without your help? yes.. so just be careful when see that sight.
When you come to the point that you decide to send money- send as much as you will not feel pity to lost :)
If you come to a stage when you help- you must see what you are helping for- i mean, you will knew what been bought or where it was spent. If not- Beware.
And always remember. To get married for people from different countries always not easy,you must be prepared spend your time and your money for that. If you not ready for that difficult work- search your partner in your area.
p/s my personal opinion is that woman is a very good player.Probably she now in difficult part of her time and you were only keen to send her money.. But if you start now again communicate, you must be very careful.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 10 Aug, 2015 08:47 AM
My conscience is leading me to cease communication with her. My gut tells me she is/was an expert charmer/manipulator and possibly has/had an addiction, of the non-drug variety. It's so frustrating knowing you can't really know the full truth, and the fact that she's actually heavily involved in her church.
Still, I have serious doubts about her integrity, and know that at the very least it wouldn't be Christ-like to do anything that could potentially jeopardize her standing with her husband, regardless of how bad it might be. Thank you all for your advice.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 6 Sep, 2015 09:26 AM
Finally got some closure on this situation...I was debating whether or not to share, but since I did with everything else...
I never heard back from her about the person she wanted me to become friends with. As I mentioned earlier, she probably realized after the fact that some information would be shared she wouldn't want the person to know.
I was on this website a couple weeks ago and noticed one of the random profile thumbnails at the top looked familiar.
I clicked on it, and sure enough it was her, only under a new profile. She had updated her pictures and her marital status to "separated" and was listed as looking for a marriage partner.
As if that wasn't enough to raise some red flags, she also still had her old profile.
I subsequently reported her dual profiles to CDFF and the newer one has been deleted since. I also removed her as a FB friend.
It kills me that she came off as so faithful on the surface but was trying to pull off a stunt which would violate 2 extremely important commandments (coveting thy neighbor's wife, potential adultery). I didn't bother lecturing her or saying goodbye...I didn't want to open the doors for more back and forth communication after seeing that. God will have to open her eyes.
Thanks for your support...I'm happy to have moved on and have received a significant degree of closure.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 13 Sep, 2015 08:17 AM
Praise God you're back on the right track now. I could just imagine the heartache that you went through that's why as for me, I'm somehow still keeping my guards up every time there's a potential romantic relationship arising from this online thing. I wish I could be more trusting. But stories like yours makes me just more cautious.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 13 Sep, 2015 08:18 AM
Praise God you're back on the right track now. I could just imagine the heartache that you went through that's why as for me, I'm somehow still keeping my guards up every time there's a potential romantic relationship arising from this online thing. I wish I could be more trusting. But stories like yours makes me just more cautious.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 13 Sep, 2015 08:18 AM
Praise God you're back on the right track now. I could just imagine the heartache that you went through that's why as for me, I'm somehow still keeping my guards up every time there's a potential romantic relationship arising from this online thing. I wish I could be more trusting. But stories like yours makes me just more cautious.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 13 Sep, 2015 10:19 AM
She's no good. Your using your emotions and not your knowledge and wisdom to handle this....clearly it's time to look for another among the other billions of women.
