"What do you look for in a guy, a future husband?"
I have lost count on how many times I have been asked this by both men and women.
It is a normal question, and an essential one whether giggling over a recent crush with your best friends or answering a seriously inquisitive young man.
This is my answer that question that pulls at both the want and need of every heart.
I have also thought a lot about what I look for in a girl.
I would love to see what others write. Here is my list:
( It's a little long, but that doesn't mean I am very picky. If you read this, you will see that I am just looking for someone who is basically a "normal" person. And I don't hold my partner to a higher standard than myself. I don't expect her to be better than myself in any way. )
* She most definitely must be a Christian who loves God and believes the Bible.
* She should believe that God still performs miracles today.
* Doesn't believe that the King James is the only perfect Bible.
* Not interested in witchcraft, occultism, Halloween, or anything satanic or evil
* Doesn't use God's name in vain. She doesn't say "Oh, Jesus!" all the time.
* Never married
* Graduated from high school.
* Knows how to act like an adult.
* Able to drive a car.
* Not drowning in debt.
* Loves children & wants to be a mom.
* Flexible about her plans and the future.
* Has good manners.
* She is slightly shorter than me.
* Not fat
* Not black
* Not chinese.
* Has no tattoos or piercings.
* Politically conservative.
* Not addicted to smoking, drugs, alcohol, video games, tv...
* Introvert.
* Likes to think a lot.
* Doesn�t use foul language.
* Doesn�t like violent or scary movies.
* Not materialistic.
* Not a gold digger.
* Not greedy.
* Not stingy.
* Not wasteful.
* Doesn�t exploit people.
* Doesn�t cut corners.
* Not lying.
* Not gossiping.
* Compassionate with people.
* Respects old people.
* Keeps her promises.
* Honest.
* Kind.
* Loyal.
* Diligent.
* Humble.
* Thankful.
* Forgiving.
* Encouraging.
* Reliable.
* Responsible.
* Not superstitious.
* Good citizen.
* Not attention seeking.
* Doesn�t litter.
* Can be funny and loves to laugh.
* But doesn�t laugh at inappropriate times.
* Doesn�t have a victim mentality.
* Doesn�t have a superiority complex.
* Is not trying to show off or compete with others.
* Not obsessed with her health, looks, etc.
* Is healthy--has 2 eyes, 2 arms, 2 legs
* Doesn�t have cancer, diabetes, or any fatal disease
* Doesn�t hate blacks, Israel, Jews, immigrants, Joel Osteen, Benny Hinn, etc.
* Doesn�t like Harry Potter books and movies.
* Her favorite pet is not an alligator, tiger, or a snake!
THESE WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE, BUT THEY ARE NOT IMPORTANT:
- Likes to travel.
- Not a cat person.
- Not interested in watching sports.
- Not vegetarian.
- Her favorite hobbies don�t include dangerous sports such as skydiving, mountain climbing, rodeo, etc.
- Doesn't believe all kinds of conspiracy theories.
- Doesn't forward chain letters.
- Organized & clean.
- Has no children from previous relationships.
- Didn�t have many boyfriends and relationships in the past.
- Was raised in a good family by loving parents.
- She is 25 or younger.
- Is a us citizen or legal immigrant with a greencard.
- Lives somewhere in North America.
- Not addicted to gambling and shopping.
- Knows how to cook.
- Has style & good taste�knows how to decorate a home nicely.
Sorry, Alive, but your response is a bit off topic. I was not listing a list of rules or regulations on how I would like my future husband to dress or look like. The main topic I was trying to stress was the importance of the spiritual, inward man in the dating, marriage relationship.
Any woman may follow your list of dos and don'ts but could be just conforming on the outward as the Pharisees did. Christ called them painted sepulchers as they were beautiful, pure, and Godly on the outer man, but inside they had the heart of disease, pride, and the law of death rather than life.
Titus 1-3 speaks on how the Christian, believing man, woman, and servant is to act, but if you notice, all these traits come from the inward, spiritual man that can only come from a working of God and the Holy Spirit in the Believers life.
(Also, if you notice, many of these traits can be fabricated outside of faith and the working of God, but they do not last the tests of time, trial, and tribulation.)
Personally, I am far from perfection, and will be till I am glorified at death or Christ's return. Even Paul admitted to his own imperfection, looking forward to the time when he would be shed of his own flesh.
If I am imperfect in my flesh, why should I ask my God given mate to be perfection in his flesh?
(This doesn't mean we do anything we please because our flesh want to. 1 John was written to Believers, "If we say we have no sin, we lie and speak not the truth. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.")
I pray every day that God will work in my heart to become a woman after His own heart, and that one day I may be a fit, though imperfect, wife for my future husband.
Yes, I have a "list" of what I would like in a husband, but the list is not my own, I have taken every word from the Bible and Scriptures. This is what a Godly man looks like, not my invented "prince charming". And that is what I would like as a husband - someone who seeks God, not the temporal.
This is the essence of true Christianity, looking past the skin, the imperfections, the past, and looking at the person as God sees them.
(Of course this doesn't mean letting any one take my heart. Paul himself said he did not blame the Jewish Christians for their caution right after he became Paul rather than Saul. He, himself went through a time of background work after his conversion (sort of like a probation time?) before launching into the mission work God called him to do.)
I understand you have a particular type of person in mind. I am glad you have thought long and hard about your choice of woman. I will be praying that you will one day find the young lady God desires you to have. But, this topic was more geared to the truthful answer of the question given to me and others on many occasion, not my own personal likes and dislikes of the human race.
The dating and love advise I was trying to give was what God has taught me personally.
Thank you for your understanding, patience, and consideration at my long response.
"I was not listing a list of rules or regulations on how I would like my future husband to dress or look like."
I was not doing that either. My list is a list of things that describe a person's inner self, not outward appearance.
The one line that says "no tattoos and piercings" may seem like I am concerned about looks, but in reality I am more concerned about what's inside. I think, those people who have tattoos and piercings all over are different on the inside as well. Everything starts with thinking. And a person who decides to get a tattoo has a certain way of thinking. The tattoos and piercings that we see on the outside are just a "tip of the iceberg" so to speak. That's what's visible on the outside. But there's a whole lot more that we cannot see on the inside! That's what I am really concerned about. Also, since I don't have any tattoos or piercings (I am not that kind of guy) I want someone who also doesn't have that stuff. We all want someone similar. There's nothing wrong about that. Right?
"Any woman may follow your list of dos and don'ts but could be just conforming on the outward as the Pharisees did."
Well, yes, I know. If I say I want a woman who doesn't litter, anyone can keep that rule. But I am looking for somebody who is not just trying hard to keep this rule like the Pharisees did, but I am looking for somebody who does not litter because she does not want to litter, because it is who she is. By the way, I included this one line in there because I use to pick up trash in my neighborhood, and I don't understand people who throw away trash. I wish they didn't. I don't like to see piles of garbage in nature. I like to have nice surroundings. And I want a wife who is the same way inside, and not just trying to keep my long list of regulations.
You know, there's a difference between being a born-again Christian or just trying to act like a Christian or pretending to be one. The person who acts like a Christian sees a bunch of rules and regulations that (s)he must follow or else. But a born-again Christian will follow those rules without even noticing it because (s)he is a new creation. And a Christ-like new creation doesn't want to sin.
Christ did not raise Himself above the masses of humanity. Yes, He was perfect in deed and thought, but He did not condemn those who believed yet were scared by their flesh. He condemned the perfect, the right, the true, because they could not look past skin color, race, past sins, and broken religious tradition. Christ touched the leper, the diseased, the unholy, and healed. Christ forgave the adulterous, the broken, the torn, and lifted her back on her feet. Christ fellowshipped with the tax collector, the traitor, the thief, and forgave. How are we, mere dust of God's feet any better than Christ Himself who lowered Himself to wash, cleanse, and make clean those that scorned and rejected Him - humans.
How can someone be heeled and cleaned except they be broken and dirty?
I have known many Christians baring the marks of their lives before Christ, or even before being totally surrendered to Him. They must bare tattoos till their dying day, however much they regret their past decisions.
In all respect, tattoos were not the only thing on your list I did not agree with. God healed the Gentile and Samaritan as much as He healed the Jews.
Yes, I believe that the outward appearance will show to some extent the person's heart and mind....but only God knows the true and deepest thoughts and intents of the heart. According to Paul, true faith is shown by true love (1 Cor. 13) and according to Christ, a white washed exterior shows nothing but an empty, bone filled tomb.
I have been guilty of this very sin of pride and hypocrisy, and still struggle with it on a daily basis....that is exactly why I wanted to share what God had taught me about what I should be looking for in a Godly young man.
Well, I just honestly listed the things that I would like to have in a significant other.
Show me one woman who, deep down in her heart, desires a dishonest man, who is irresponsible, unkind, and doesn't have a job, hasn't grown up yet, and spends all his time in front of the tv. There are not many woman who would want someone like that. Right? Every sane person wants someone who is good. I am no different. And I am unique; I have my own likes and dislikes. Nobody is the same. I have have my own lifestyle and traits, and I have an idea about what traits I find desirable and which ones are undesirable. And I just showed you what I like and what I don't like. And you have every right to disagree with me, but that doesn't change who I am or what I want.
"According to Paul, true faith is shown by true love (1 Cor. 13) and according to Christ, a white washed exterior shows nothing but an empty, bone filled tomb."
^^^ yes, but just because a person looks great on the outside doesn't necessarily mean that he or she is bad or corrupt on the inside. There are some people who are good both inside and out.
I knew my 'mates' Christian girlfriend was not 'normal'.
She had sweets for kids at Halloween, acts childish, can't drive, owes a few quid on a credit card, burped over dinner, she's a 6 foot slightly chubby giant of Chinese decent, has pierced ears and is on about getting a tattoo.
To top it off she has no political views, is addicted to Candy Crush on her iphone, likes The Walking Dead and wouldn't let me have some of her chips.
She always turns up to church late, has a pet snake, type 2 diabetes a glass eye and has read all the Harry Potter series. She also has two cats, volunteers for cats protection and is a nightmare to cook for because she is vegetarian.
My mate is deeply in love and talking about marriage. Should I tell him to ditch her before she leads him astray?
From what you have said, your buddy's girl is surprisingly normal. The world's perspective of how women are supposed to act and be is just that, human nature. But that doesn't mean your buddy's gal is bad.
Keep in mind that the very yard stick you use to judge others will be used to judge you by others.
Read the Gospels and letters from Paul. Paul says we are to judge between spirituality and carnality of ourselves, between the differing spirits of philosophy and living, and to judge Believers who refuse to accept rebuke for sin according to the Bible standards (not our own).
On the other hand, we need to pluck the beam out of our own eye before passing judgment on the slivers in other peoples' eyes. As frail humans that we are, we can miss read situations, reasons, and faith of people.
God looks on the heart of people, not just to see their wickedness, but also their true faith. Men look on the outward appearance of people, not just to see beauty and flawlessness, but also to pass judgment and condemn.
That being said, I can not say what is right for your situation.
I think it is safe to say that God would want you to lovingly warn your buddy, but not be pushy about it, if you see a problem. But BEFORE doing so, I think the best route would be to pray and ask for guidance from the very God who knows you, your buddy, and the gal in question better than anyone.
Also, keep in mind, 1 Cor. 13. Deal with the situation in love, not pride or self righteousness. All of us are human and any one that is near us could ramble on about our flaws.
Judgment belongs to God. He commands us to love (1st and 2nd commandment) and to forgive.
