Throughout my life I have never had a "christian relationship" in fact I would be hard pressed to admit that I have ever had a real relationship.
I have been titled a sex addict and a love avoidant personality. While I do not let these titles define me I do believe there are aspects that are true.
My pattern appears to be that I like someone, I dont want to get emotionally invested so I use my body to keep them at a distance by shifting their focus.
Lately I have developed this distaste for any relationship. I feel if I attempt to get into a relationship I will fall into my old patterns so I distance myself from anyone that could care about me.
I have spent time with the Lord, looking for how to fix this. I trust God, people is a bit of a different story.
I have even confided in "christian" men about my struggles and they have taken advantage of it showing me (once again) all i am good for is my body. It has been a message I have been given consistently since the age of 3. It was the only place i was given any worth and how I got my needs met.
I dont know how to stop the cycle. I want a relationship. I want someone to care about me, but I am so afraid to let men close.
So I guess my question is, how do i begin trusting men to love me (or even like me) without the fear of being hurt and throwing my walls back up?
Slinzy my sister, I truly want to first say that just your transparency in sharing such an intimate segment of your testimony......well, tells a great deal about you and how possibly, The Lord will use it for His glory! You have no idea who may need to hear that they're not alone in that particular struggle that you've shared.......God bless you!
Also for the fact you signed unto a Christian dating site, tells me that you are somewhat ready to start or willing to explore a personal relationship! Now how you allow The Lord to guide and direct you in this process, is ultimately up to you. Allow Him to show you who and how to truly be yourself with, without EVER compromising on your moral integrity! A gentleman who seeks to show you the love of God, in himself, is a man who will respect and appreciate you, not just your body! Just my 4 cents........God bless you my sister in your search for God fearing love!
You've spoken like a woman of God and our big sis whose feedback we having confident on (atleast I personally do)
Slinzy
To a certain point I appreciate when having such discussions. In my early days here I opened up a lot of how abused and treated like trash was I and my siblings by our dad and older brother. Its not easy to open up about such issues, infact we'd rather put on a mask and not talk about such. I fully agree with Joy when saying "Your transparency in sharing such an intimate segment of your testimony tells a great deal about you and how possibly, The Lord will use it for His glory!"
Thank you for opening up dear sis. I fully support you and hoping that God will meet your need in due time. One thing I need to warn you about though from a personal experience: not all christian guys are living up to God's expectations. Same goes with ladies too. With this said, some christian guys will surely want to take advantage of you as you've already mentioned that some did. Its in our nature as human beings to manipulate the situation for our personal gain. We're naturally selfish until God delivers us from certain things that manifest from our sinful nature.
Let your suitable mate get through God first before he can reach you. Only God can and will work through him while preparing you too, to better complement one another for His glory. I wish you all the best sis on your search,
You need a Christian man strong enough to resist sexual temptation (and there's a great many who may be Christian but aren't strong enough in that area and will keep bringing you back to square one) and with enough similar interests that you can do stuff together with as friends without the romantic undertones so that you both learn to respect each other's thoughts and capabilities without the distractions of passion. I'd say this is one time when friends first is the best way forward so perhaps signing up for night school or some type of course relevant to your hobbies and desires would be better than a dating site.
Unfortunately I don't know what to say about making you see your true worth - suffice to say that Jesus thought you worth dying for and not because of your body so don't sell yourself cheap to anyone else. Iin reality you probably need an empathetic sister in the Lord to build you up and guide/guard you from unhealthy relationships, but I will pray that you know the depth and width and height of God's love beyond what you've been shown thus far.
Slinzy, i understand what you've been through. I heard a preacher saying that you cannot love someone in protective position. Before you love someone( because women rush in a relationship and discover men's intention too late) you must be friends in order to know him and to find out if he's worth it.
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Distance would make me feel insecure unless spoken of in a way that is an agreement from the two. We must bear in mind that our partners cannot read our minds even when things done are meant with good intentions. If the other part doesn't know what's intended through lack of communication then it becomes a problem.
Wow! I hope you stay being BRAVE, transparent and coherent.
May i say more?
you are not the only person like that. If you surf facebook, for example, you would find MANY women (and men), are like that, the difference lays on men who take their chance to get "something" as gain.
Two yars or so, I met someone on line. After a year we met presonally in Venezuela. Her facebook profile was full of her pictures and I knew she had a problem like that: She wanted someone, but her pics were getting too much attention and it was hard, for her, to know whom was the best man for her to start a commited relatioship (she wasn�t a Christian woman, by the way).
Certain day she told me she was afraid: She was getting OLD and she told me everything she needed to be committed with a man...
The relationship starts when BOTH persons agree on where they�re going to (AMOS 3:3).
Frienship is a most and it�s nominatelly free, completelly expontaneous and NOT forced.
I believe GOD most be in THIS: Each relationship could be seen as HIS gifts.
If they don�t have the same faith, commonground of beliefs, nothing should be started: It would be another waste.
The body and its "beauty" fades away. Trust no more on it.
Don�t be afraid of being vulnerable but, don�t be naive to be fooled, hurt or goofed.
