Thread: Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
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Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
Posted : 25 Apr, 2009 08:43 AM
This is me more rambling than necessarily giving advice, other than to say "Ladies, please try to keep this from being you".
I started attending a new church back in November, and as far as what I've been looking for in a church--its been fantastic, and I have been growing spiritually more often than I have at any other time in my life.
However, it hasn't led to all the new regular friendships I had hoped for, particularly with members of the opposite sex. If anything, I feel like I have a large circle of acquaintances at this point, rather than a real circle of close friends. I've been there almost six months now and have been plugging into virtually every area I can in the attempts to get out of my comfort zone.
I've been in a very difficult spot relationally, as I'm naturally more introverted, and my parents moved to the Philadelphia area when I was in college. As such, I've had to start over virtually from scratch here.
There is a pretty good amount of attractive, friendly young girls in my church (even involved in many of the same ministries I am) but I've noticed that when they get together, it can be a lethal combination that leads to socially ignorant and rude behavior. And despite their proclamations that they're looking for a "good, godly man", their behaviors make them seem like immature, shallow, little high schoolers who think a man is little more than another good-looking accessory to have on your arm.
Yes. That's right. I'm talking about women doing to men the exact same thing that WE get the bad wrap for--objectification.
Take for instance, after a meeting for one of our ministries the other day, I overheard some of the girls immediately begin talking about how hot some of the high school graduate students were, one even going so far as to say "I don't care what age they are. I'm not picky. As long as they're legal, they're on the market."
As the only single guy in this meeting, I was extremely uncomfortable overhearing this and left almost immediately.
This was coming out of the mouth of a self-proclaimed, shy, low-confidence introverted 25 year old that up until this point I had really respected and had been pursuing a closer friendship with. I don't know if when some girls get together the whole "safety in numbers" thing just goes straight to their heads and they think they can say whatever they want--but in mixed company situations like this one, they shouldn't.
Quite frankly, I was disgusted.
If it was something that they only did in each other's company it would be one thing, but it's not.
For another example, recently my church's young adults small group decided to split into male and female small groups---because that's what the girls wanted to do. We've spent a total of three weeks apart, but we decided to link up at a local restaurant after our last meeting.
To begin with, the girls were late and were trying to find out "who" was going to be at the restaurant, to decide if they were going to go or not. They REALLY took their time in getting there, keeping us waiting close to half an hour, but do you know what one of the first things they said to us was when they got there?
That they have a rating system for all of us guys and they had been discussing where each one of us fits in.
Are we in some way supposed to respect them after saying something like that?
Let me share something with you about DECENT, christian guys:
We're not going to talk with each other about how attractive we find the girls in our church to be, nor would we ever assign them numbers or labels to "categorize" them. Aside from using the word "cute" to describe any of my female friends there, none of my guys friends and I have discussed what things we find attractive in any specific members of the opposite sex at our church.
After working and hanging out with some of these girls for months, it was seriously disappointing to see them portray themselves as so shallow and superficial.
I'm going to chalk it up to "being bolder/stupider when in a group" but I truly hope they don't fall back into stuff like this, or I'm simply not going to want to be around them at all.
Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
Posted : 28 Apr, 2009 03:15 PM
I hear you. It's more than obvious where the maturity level (or lack of it) is with these, girls. They have an immature understanding of people and relationships, ie especially in their growth and knowledge of christ and what it means to edify and build each other up. Perhaps and hopefully if they are genuine believers this will change as they grow in knowledge of Christ and maturity. Some girls especially in the teen years and into 20's can be "silly, immature," we also have a few of them at our church as well.
But please don't be disheartened, or discouraged, we're imperfect people even as believers, God isn't finished with us yet and is molding, changing us more into himself, hopefully these girls in time will be more sensitive to that. and a change will be seen.
Scripture talks about the older women teaching the younger how to love their husbands, etc....... but also to teach the younger generation wisdom, guidance in their actions, behaviour, treatment of others that is biblical. You will know the genuine believers by whether they "bear fruit". as scripture say. I hope that this will happen, it may take longer than 6 months to years, some of us can be a bit "slow" to get it if you know what i mean.
We can't control nor are we responsible for the actions of another, they can be our concern, in that we can pray for them that they would be sensitive to christ's teaching, open to rebuke etc. You can in godly way rebuke them as a believer, not participate in the behaviour etc. or if these girls behaviour is causing a stumbling block to others and others have noticed their behaviour: than maybe it may need to be brought to the attention of a parent or older women in the church to address it. you know the situation better than i.
Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
Posted : 29 Apr, 2009 08:13 AM
Greetings GuitarGeek, and I pray that by the time this message reaches you, that you will be in good spirits!..
After reading your topic and comment, I realized that God sometimes places us "where he can have us grow without distractions"... Sometimes we are not necessarily ready for another level during this period (so be of good courage and wait on the Lord). For "delay is not denial" (it's just preparation, for that in which God has in store for us)...
I pray that you are abundantly blessed in your endeavors!
Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
Posted : 2 May, 2009 06:56 AM
"Girls just want to have fun""lol..they are immature "girls"they are obviously not mature woman of faith in Christ...so I would like to believe God has allowed you to "see" in order to address these "immaturities" In the love of Christ and not with the anger of a "man"..lol...Minister in his love brother!!
Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
Posted : 9 May, 2009 09:18 AM
It sounds to me like you've had the misfortune of being stuck around some immature women. They may simply have not been called out, or they may be acting in a silly group mentality that's getting out of hand. I did the same thing into my early 20's and I thought I was well justified "because the guys do it to us so what does it matter?" It took a little bit of maturity and a couple of people calling me on it to get the idea that I was wrong.
That being said, I'd suggest calling these ladies out the next time you hear something like that. If they're in a group you might lean over and calmly say something like "as a man who respects women and loves God I think what you just said was immature and offensive." Or if you all are in a group ask them why they said that, or why they did that. There is a very good chance they won't respond well. But, with God's grace a few of them will hear you and begin to change their behavior.
I hope this situation improves and I'm sorry you had to experience it at all.
Girls can be just as shallow (if not more so) than guys
Posted : 15 May, 2009 04:36 PM
dear guitar, its great youve found you a church you feel is fantastic and that you are being fed spiritually better than ever for you.. thats the great part..
may i just say keep your focus on the being fed and growing spiritually more.. as youre maturing in CHRIST ,you will come to realize that not everyone may be where you are at in their walk.. so when some immature lladies happen to speak about someone they think is hot or whatever.. dont in turn call your sisters shallow or names at all.. .. set the example for them.. about anywhere you go youll find folks have little clicks.. even in churches.. aint sposed to be that way.. but it happens.
what you may wanna do is speak to your pastor about it.. and maybe he will give a sermon on that subject sometime.. you go and enjoy your church and be fed and keep growing spiritually as you are doing and dont worry so much bout the friendships and relationships youd like to have there as they will take care of themselves you do your part and go to church to be fed spiritually and the rest will follow..
now these sisters are doing wrong by showing partiality by who is gonna be there as to whether they wanna come or not..
james 2:1-9 1 My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. 2 For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, 3 and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," 4 have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?
5 Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? 7 Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?
8 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you do well; 9 but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors.
