Hi I am Roseann from Philippines,I am seeking for someone to talk to and someone who give me an advice,i have a partner for almost 6 years,I have 2 kids but he is not their father.
My partner and I just broke up about a month,I leave him because he hurt me,He always drunk and he always nag at me without a valid reason,I always trust on him I proud to say that i am a good partner for him for 6 years,But i dont know why i have a partner like this,We always argue,he always say me something that hurts my feeling,He always told to others my past,That night after he hurt me i turn over to the Police but i never continue to demand on him because i felt something that there is no good happen to him if i continued to demand on him.,The night is over i never come home,I dont want to see him anymore after what he did to me.Then after that day my two cousin whom i trust and share my secrets and my ex they drunk together i dont know what my cousins told to him to make his anger again he go to my father house and shout at me and to my neighbors that i am Bad Girl it really hurt me so much because i know it's not true.until now i never go home,but he always ask for my mercy,and he always says sorry..but all he did is always on my mind I missed him and i think i still love him after he did but everything he do at me always at my mind,If im not answering him he always told me a word that makes me hurt all over again...Can you help me?I dont know what To do?Do i still accept him?He always make a promise that he changed but there is so many promise he never grant his promise>..Do i still accept him?
No, He is a man who does not know how to mannage his feelings and unless you resolve your self to being hurt by him over and over he more than likely will never change.
In reality he is not a man but still a boy in a mans body. Do you want a boy or a man?
Get away and stay away. If necessary press charges with the police...and stick with as he will or has hurt others. Hopefully, your father is supportive of you in this situation.
It doesn't matter what you may have done or not done, you do not deserve to be mistreated by anyone. Satan will tell you, just like your 'partner' has that you are not worthy...that is so untrue.
If your family will not help, hopefully you can find a church that will help you through this situation,
You also must think of your 2 children. They do not need to be exposed to that type of behavior or to be mistreated/abused.
I think of many ladies who are abused in relationships' & ask after telling their story if they should break up or continue with the relationship? Inspite of what we say in advacing them, which is most probably "breaking up since one is abused" they still go back to that very same guy who abuses them,
And make things worst by telling the guy when things still seem "ok" between the two of them,
Tell the guy that so & so told me to dump you cause you abuse me.
But thank God dear lady cause you are uniquely yourself,
You nothing like those ones who ask for our genuine advise only to go repeat the same act that caused them to hurt.
Especially since you have two important precious beings to put their best interest at heart. My advice is end the relationship dear one,
You have nothing to loose anymore than you have already.
You've already lost your peace, your joy, sense of belonging, your trust with cousins is broken. You've been humiliated infront of your father & those who were around to listen as he carried on about you being the bad girl. The list is endless
Its just not good for a couple to always argue, YES its normal to argue from time to time, though again its a question of HOW healthy is the aguement & reasons for arguing? You can't always be aguing over little things, and having you feeling such hurt dear,
This lowers your self esteem.
It affects your kids too one way or the other.
You keep loosing yourself, he's not impacting your being in a positive way, he drains you instead.
You'll be far better off without him & have more time to spend with your kids who should bring you joy instead of spending time with someone who was never worth your time from the first place.
I agree with Teach, find a church that will help/supporrt you overcome the trouma that's already registered in your mind.
"he always ask for mercy but what he did is always on my mind" that's not healthy dear one.
thanks for you advice it really mean to me,you help me to enlighten my dark mind i am think of that seriously i am think of that using my hear and in god hands i know i can get through this thank you for your advice may the blessings pour you
i want a man ,a man how to treat her woman,I was hoping to find someone who is really inlove with me that he never hurt me,that guy?i trust him i told him all about my past but he always open that past when we get argue and i really hate it because i'm not do that to him i always keep silent,
anyway thank you for advice it really help me a lot :-)
"Anyway thank you for advice it really helped me a lot"
You're more than welcomed darling.
"I want a man, a man who knows how to treat a woman"
We all are my dear friend, we looking for man who are gonna treat us like queens, simply cause we are queens.
The unfortunate part is when we expect the next person to treat us in a certain way,
While they view us in a different way than we know our selves to be.
Clearly all he sees in you is nothing but trash,
But its only him seeing that in you. That doesn't necessarily make you what he sees, and only you can prove that difference OR you can prove him right by continuing to compromise with he's abusive behavior, which I know you won't cause you have two beautiful kids to raise.
"I was hoping to find someone whose really inlove with me"
Fair enough dear, that line is very fair hense multitudes are seaching through the internet for love. We wanna be loved somehow.
My personal experiences have tought me the hard way that love only begins with me. People can't give what they don't have. Its not even fair for us to expect them to give what they lack. You'll be shocked that your boyfriend doesn't even love himself, he doesn't know where & how to start. He came to you hoping to find love just as you were hoping for the same thing, most probably you loved him the best way you could.
But since he doesn't know the value/expression of love, (its not something he's familiar with for he lacks it within himself) he missed it all together hense treating you like this.
Believe me i'm not judging you dear one, was treated like trash by family, to a point of being clicked out of the house being their provider for many years.
For what really?
Cause I reported that I was abused.
Was supposed to be silent & endure like I did the previous years. I knew that I was gonna move out, though I wanted to leave peacefully being blessed by my father like a well tought child. Guess what...? He failed to embrace my love when I tried too hard through out my life, until this very day.
Lesson learned was that: We really can't expect people to love us when they still struggle to love them selves. Even if they're our parents for that matter. Love begins with you dear lady. You should learn to love & set your worth. Eventually love will be chasing after you,
You'll then be opened to options of choosing your ideal mate, not just anyone coming along your way.
"I trusted him & opened up about my past experiences but he always brings them up when arguing and it hurts me"
Only emature losers do that. (I sorry to say that about your boyfriend but that's just what he is dear)
Doesn't he know that acceptance begins with where you're coming from?
If you really wanna see if one accepts you, bring forth your worst flops, it is then you'll tell if you've really been accepted after words.
In the beginning, you said you broke up with your partner;
so, stay that way. Sounds like you have already taken a big step to solve your problem. When you think about him, remember what he's done to you, and how blessed you are to still be alive.You don't need advice. Just keep going forward, no matter what. When he tries to get you back, brings flowers, promises he will never hurt you again, asks you to marry him, whatever it is, he will be lying..
Marriage isn't supposed to be like that. Walk away, If you respect yourself, a man will do the same, there are men out there, and they are willing to marry the woman they respect. For now..just keep walking away.
Well meaning as we are, it would be best to bring this up with someone from your own country. For one, the same language means you can really pour out your heart to them in ways that you might not be able to in a foreign language; secondly our answers and advice come from our own experiences and expectations which we've been brought up with - but we live in different societies to yourself and what is good advice here may not work so well for you or could unintentionally offend.
