Author Thread: Reality Check
Tugi

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Reality Check
Posted : 9 May, 2013 10:38 PM

After weeks of reading hundreds of profiles I have come to the humbling realization that He ain�t here!



But I don�t blame the site or anyone really. I don�t have a picture on so naturally people tend to stay away. Which is the most normal thing to do, so that�s my fault.



Secondly, it seems most guys here are from very far and so the chances of any meaningful relationship are next to nil. But even making friends is an uphill task. The most decent conversation I have had so far is with a guy from Australia! Very stimulating, very intelligent�and he is not even a Christian! (I guess it�s no surprise that not everyone on a Christian dating site is a Christian).



Of course some people have been very sweet, like the guy from Germany who writes me in Swahili and I am so impressed!



Sadly also my brothers from closer home aren�t helping very much either. For example:



Hi Tugi,

Please answer the following? How tall are you? Do you smoke or drink? Do you get angry quickly? What is your character?

Thanks, XYZ (in ALL CAPS)



The point of sharing this email is not to embarrass the sender, but to show the sort of unnatural interrogation that goes on in the private messages.



Now, just because I am from Africa doesn�t mean I don�t have a brain as may be assumed (tho not said out loud). Let me qualify this with an example.



I get an email saying. �I love African women!�



To which I politely reply. �Thank you!�



And then the next email. �You are beautiful!�



My reply. �Thank you, but how would you know because I don�t have a picture on?�



His reply: �You have nice skin!�



And I realize he is not talking to me in particular but African women in general, which is all well, but wouldn�t it be cooler if it was me he spoke to!



So after weeks of doing this, it has dawned on me gradually, that this is probably not the place for me right now.



So with that, I rest my case�



God bless you all and the very best of luck!

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Posted : 10 May, 2013 04:07 AM

Dear sister,



I have been here since the end of 2004. I had been on eharmony, match and other paying sites. I even considered a matching service.



When you mine for diamonds or gold. When you mine for oil and other precious resources it takes time and patience.



Life is about waiting and God uses our waiting period to redeem us as gold. To refine us.



It could be that you and the man He has for you are not refined enough to have what your heart desires. That was my case up till 2 years ago.



Even though I was sincere and desired to love a woman I really didnt know practically how to do that. I thought I did....



Until God revealed to me what loving a woman truly looks like.



God has given to me some revelations concerning my ego, pride and selfisness that I had to repent of.



Once I repented and began to walk obediently God quickly brought me my bride to be. We now have a extreemy intimate relationship spiritually and emotionally and we live over 7000 miles apart.



We are trusting God to bring us together as husband and wife soon that we can now experience the physical intimacy we desire with eachother also.



I realised the other day that a marriage is a mystery as Paul writes with 3 parts like God is 3 in 1. Marriage is spiritual, emotional and physical.



The Spirit of God providing the spritual in our lives, God the Father providing the emotional stability we need and Jesus providing the physical example to us.



I had always desired to understand what the oneness the bible referred to concerning marriage and now I know. I know without the physical part of relationship.



Dont get me wrong when I visited her we did hold hands and kiss some but what I am referring to is the fullout act of physical intimacy.



People think that just having sex,,ual interaction is intimacy but it is not.



Their are men out there searching for a woman and you could be her. Remember God might need to do a work in him first to be the man you heart desire and God might need to do a work in you to be the woman he desires.



Wait on the Lord place your trust and confidence in Him. Seek His will and He will give you the desire of your heart, guarentee.............





Peace be with you dear one,



Michael

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Lukia^

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Posted : 10 May, 2013 05:59 AM

Well said Michael.

Your words are encouraging.

God bless you.

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Posted : 10 May, 2013 11:30 AM

@OP:



Why not put up a picture of yourself? If you're going to be using *any* online dating site, it's pretty much essential otherwise you're likely to continue to be ignored.



That aside, sorry it hasn't worked for you, however it would seem very few people on dating sites ever meet up, let alone go on to get married, etc. so whilst it's of little comfort to you or anyone else, it is a typical and almost expected result.



Don't neglect more traditional ways of dating - men and women had no more problems meeting each other before the internet came along, and it has the advantage that most of them will be much closer to you.



Blessings for the future and don't let lack of success here make you believe that there's something wrong with you.

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Posted : 10 May, 2013 06:47 PM

Your welcome Lukia,



Praise God!!



I hope encouragement is found by all. I remember feeling helpless and lost with my search as well. i just want to encourage with the witness of hope I have found.



To help strengthen men. To love the body.



God will bring the fruit in our lives.

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Tugi

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Posted : 12 May, 2013 09:29 PM

Thank you Michael! What an encouraging testimony.



And very happy for you!



God bless you always!

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Tugi

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Posted : 12 May, 2013 09:32 PM

Thanks Djk,



You are right. I guess not having a picture almost says "not serious". I may get around to putting one.



Thanks for the encouraging words. I think everyone needs to hear them...that there's nothing wrong with them just because they haven't been 'lucky' here.



God bless!

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