Thread: YOUNG LADIES, I have a question and need help.
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YOUNG LADIES, I have a question and need help.
Posted : 14 Oct, 2012 08:01 PM
Ok, I have an IQ level of "120+", so obviously I must be rather intelligent since the average for people in the United States is "100". However, I must be stupid when it comes to women because I've only had one relationship that lasted almost a year. So, what's wrong? Yes, I admit that I'm somewhat shy/reserved, but there's got to be more to it than that. Am I just so decent of a guy that young ladies feel intimidated by me? Or do I just not pick up on a woman's words and/or body language when she's interested in me?
What signs should I look for as an indication that a young lady is interested in me? For example, how will she act and what will she say? I know it's probably different depending on the young lady, but I just need some ideas.
Well, considering I've not been in a SINGLE relationship, you've got one up on me, pal. Lol. And I think I'm smart...in my own mind... haha.
More seriously, you ask an interesting question that I think all guys ask. I don't know that the problem necessarily lies with you. I couldn't make that call unless I knew you. For me, I know the most important thing for a guy is to simply be himself. If he's wacky, he should be wacky. If he's serious, he should be serious. I don't think most people want to date a lie, and why lie when you are are awesome person? I had the same problem for years when it came to dealing with my peers. I thought since I had a lot of trouble making friends, and I still don't really have any my age, that there was something wrong with me. Granted, I have social problems, but I came to grip with the fact that there is nothing wrong with my PERSONALITY. So what if I love comics, video games, getting muddy and sweaty, and just acting like a kid? That's who I am, and if the guy can't accept that, do I really need him anyway?
Of course, all this being yourself does not mean that you shouldn't improve. I have some faults that I DO need to change. But I would be very careful if someone tried to tell you that you need to fundamentally change your personality, even if it's yourself telling you that!
On the "girl signs" note, because I'm sort of a weird girl, I'm not sure if anything I say will help. I don't really flirt or let on that I like a guy, simply because I am not very romantic. But girls usually act at least a LITTLE different around guys that they are interested in. I tend to be less reserved around guys I like. I'll smile more than usual (not in a creepy way, lol), but most importantly, I take an interest in getting to know them. Even if it's casual conversation, you can get to know people pretty well. I'm really interested in what they like, don't like, hobbies, thoughts, worries, and just what makes them tick. I begin to show affection in my own way, which could mean a pat on the back, playful joking, or sitting next to him.
Finally, I guess it could be helpful to say what my biggest "turn-ons", so to speak, are with guys ( I'm leaving out Christianity):
1) Morality: Besides being a Christian, what does he stand for? What would he fight for? Who/What would he die for?
2) Loyalty: Is he protective of family, friends, and country?
3) Interests: Do we have things in common? Is it fun to hang out with him?
4) Intelligence: Both common sense and academic intelligence are important
5) Sense of humor: Can he take a joke and dish it out, too?
6) Looks: Yeah, I have to put this here because I'm human, but it's not that important
These are my big six. Whew. Sorry that was long-winded. Feel free to ask blunt questions, like why in the world I think anyone would actually care what I think, lol.
The idea that you're too decent of a guy and that women are intimidated by that is, to put it frankly, delusional. Strong women of God are going to be attracted to strong men of God. The best definition of Biblical masculinity that I've ever read is from "Raising a Modern Day Knight." Reject passivity, lead courageously, accept responsibility, and always seek the greater reward. There is nothing wrong with being quiet, but passivity is not a personality trait. Its a personality flaw. Fear and timidity rule the passive man, not power, love, and discipline like it should (2 Timothy 1:7).
It sounds like you need to spend a lot of time developing and finding who you are as a person in Christ. If you can afford it, talk to a Christian counselor. If not, find an older man in your church who you want to be when you are older and talk to him about discipling you.
As you grow in your faith and begin to see the infinite satisfaction and freedom that is in Christ, the more you'll be able to lead and nurture a woman of God. After all, the more that you can pour into a woman's life, the more attracted she will be to you.
Finally, really think about why it is that you want to get married. Is it to make yourself feel loved? Is it to make yourself feel like a real man? Is it to satisfy insecurities that still plague you from earlier years? Is it just to have sex? The deeper and more honest you can get with yourself about the answer, the easier it will be to move forward.
