Well, to let you know what I have experienced with this site...
I have only personally contacted a small number of people with personal messages, but most seem to respond and seem like good people...but that's the whole thing with the internet, you never know...
I have never met anyone outside of site, whether I ever will I'm not sure...to tell you the truth I would really have talk to the person for a long time and I still would insist on meeting them in public...
I have had 3 people add me as a favorite - not one of them has said one word to me, not even hello...
I talk with one person outside this site, only by e-mail, and it is the only person I have developed any kind of real trust with from this site & we are friends, at least I hope so anyways.
And there are a lot of people on the forum I really enjoy: Lydia, Leon, Ella, Walter, and many more...I think I like the forum most of all...
So my only advice is to be careful, don't just throw your heart out there, and just be cautious of what you are getting yourself into...BUT also enjoy yourself and have some fun with it too :excited:
Thank you very much! I have had very similar experiences. I have been added as a favorite without any sort of communication. I thought that was kindof weird, but I also thought that maybe I was misunderstanding it's meaning. That's one of several reasons I posted this question.
As you can see, there have been quite a few "views" of this thread, but you're the only one to respond! LOL Maybe others have wondered the same thing, but are as clueless as I am! LOL
I enjoy reading posts from Lydia, Ella, Robin, Leon, and Walter too! They can be so serious and hilarious all at the same time!
The chat forums have become my main reason for getting on here lately too. Really, the reason I signed on to this site was to meet Christian people, not just males or to find a mate. The chat forums seem to do that.
Well, God will send us both who He intends for us to be with in His time. Until then, I look forward to posting with you in the future! :)
I have been on the internet for many years and have been on many personal sites and have met many ladies. Made some really good friends too that will be life long. The proper etiquette is as follows. (Voice of experience lol )
First contact is usually casual and non intrusive. Introductions, how are you, would you like to communicate further. If both are in agreement, then you begin to get to know each other and have fun doing so. Everyone is different and has various conform levels as to how much they want to reveal. The internet though has a way of getting people to open up more than they would in person. There is a sense of anonymity and also a sense of "Fantasy". More on that later.
Before meeting in person, you should communicate though several e-mails and then talk on the phone and then if all is going well then you should meet in person. What you do not want to do, providing you are interested in more than just friendship, is have an prolonged e-mail communication. You have to meet and see what is there in person. I have e-mailed and talked on the phone with some nice ladies and things seemed great until we MET. Then NO chemistry. Nada, ZIP, NONE. LOL
Here's another thing. If you are intending more than friendship, then Plenty of pictures must be exchanged. Recent pictures and not "Glamor shots". LOL Close head shots without sunglasses and full length shots. That may seem shallow to some but it is reality and how God made us. Physical attraction, which is relative, is all part of the formula. No pictures, no communication! In this modern world of technology there is no reason not to have some posted. Besides you want to see who it is you are communicating with. I have horror stories I can tell you from personal experience where I agreed to meet the lady sight unseen, no pics and I will never do that again. Some people actually lie about their looks. There were times I wish I had on those magic slippers and thought while clicking..."there's no place like home, there's no place like home". LOL But being the gentleman I am, I endured, changed my focus and ministered to them.
Here is a big one. If they are not convicted and committed to remaining sexually pure until marriage then politely end the communications with that person but let them know why you are committed. Many Christians are not convicted in this area! Many have not been properly discipled.
Regarding what you said about God having someone intended for you. That is actually not biblical. God does not pick your mate for you. He gives you total Free will. He has only one main desire and commandment regarding this and that is the person "you" choose is a true Christian and walking the talk. God does not permit you to marry a non-Christian. God is involved in the process and He does bring people across your path and He will help you to make your choice, but ultimately it is your decision whom you marry.
Now for the "Fantasy" of internet dating. LOL
The fantasy is this. Many come on personal sites and see a countless multitude of people of all kinds. It becomes like a shopping mall or "smorgisborg". Then what can happen and does often is that a person will meet someone and begin to communicate with them and at the same time meet other candidates and when someone comes along who is better looking or has more money or whatever, they drop you like a hot potato and move on to that next person and continue with the same process, never finding or being satisfied with one person. Many times it's because they really do not know what they want, or they think they "deserve" better or more. Many and various reasons. It also could be a fear of commitment. I have personally been through this and also know there are women and I am sure men who just get their kicks out of people wanting to get to know them. It's a game to some!
Let's talk about "Long Distance" dating. How many people can seriously afford to date someone where you have to take a plane trip and get hotel rooms just to date someone? Most do not have the financial wear with all to do that. If you do then that is great. But in reality one must consider the difficulties and emotional stress this can bring. What if you do decide to finally meet, go through the expense of a plane trip and then reality hits home that neither can really relocate? Emotional heartache! Besides how well can you really get to know someone unless you see them on a regular basis, like every week? My opinion, at least from my perspective, is that if they are not within a reasonable drive, then I will not seek a relationship other than a friendship. Sometimes even a reasonable drive away may not be good either if neither can relocate. That happened to me. No regrets mind you. I met a wonderful Gal on another Christian site and we hit it off famously. She was a COP and I am an Ex COP so we had that in common among lots of other things. We both knew something was there and it wasn't long before we developed feelings for each other. She initially "thought" she would be able to relocate. But after a couple of months into the relationship , she discovered that her Ex-Husb. was unwilling to change the custody situation and we were not going to have her and her little girl go through a custody battle. And she only lives 2 hours from me. Well we ended our "romantic" part of our relationship but continued to be best of friends which we still are and we cherish our friendship but also realize that one day one or both of us will meet someone and we will have to stop communicating out of respect for the person we are involved with. [Let me also say that I will not entertain any probing questions about this relationship. This was for illustrative purposes only. :-) ]
However I must ask Walter when his internet dating book will be out?:applause:
My take on this internet dating is somewhat paralelled with what God says, How can you say, you love God whom you have not seen, and hate your brother whom you see daily. So if a woman or man can't develop a close devoted relationship with a person you cannot see, how is it that seeing that person is going to bring the two of you in closeness?
I mean, not seeing a person and only communicating at a distance for a season, show establish the trust factor as in our relationship with God whom we cannot see, which is the beginning of a loving relationship. If you're not faithful in contacting me by phone or email daily and keeping me filled with confidence in knowing... and I'm assured that you're being faithful, and committed to me while we're not together. It would seem to me that you will not be the same once we meet and are together seeing each other. Does that make sense?...
So how can a man or a woman say he/she loves you, (that is if the online dating relationship has grown into this), if you can't trust the person while he/she is at a distance? How will you trust the person more by meeting him or her? You can love long distance, and if its really love, meeting the person should pull things together even the more. I would think...
Then if you look at arranged marriages, that's a whole different story, so why do some of these last. Also, the Bible tells us that when Isaac saw his birde to be, coming toward him at a distance, he loved her. Love at first sight.:dancingp:
Also, Walter I agree with you in some things about God in our relationships, but I disagree with your comment that God has nothing to do with our choices of mates... He does care about who we married, and there are times when He will agree or disagree with our choice of mates. Of course, We are the one who make the final choice, and this may be the reason why we all are divorced, because we have not listened to that small still voice of God telling us no this is not the one.
Free will to make choices is only disobedience, and God really doesn't take too kindly to disobedience. Paul instructs us to seek answers from God in all things. But, we don't do this, so man has come to think and believe that we have free will. Yes, free will to be disobedient and rebellious, but if God really needed us or cared that we should do such and such, you best believe He can MAKE us do as He so wishes us to do. Just ask Job, and Jonah, Paul, and others who thought they could use their free will, until God showed them they were mere men with no wills whatsoever when dealing with God. God only allows us to THINK we have free will (BTW, that concept is secular thought) which only mean rebellious and disobediance. Its either my will in disobediance , or God's will in obediance...
Isaac's servants prayed for God to send the right woman for Isaac, and made a request before God as to what he desired God should show him of the woman Isaac should have as his wife... Genesis chapter 24. The servant prayed for a woman with a servant's heart and attitude, who was kind and a giver.
I said all that to say, I think establishing a close loving relationship long distance before meeting the person is most proper, at least for me. But then, I've heard of couples meeting for the first time through online dating, who married and are doing well as a married couple, after meeting only three or four times. So I suppose it depends on the love and trust factors between the two...:buddies:
I absolutely loved your statment "If you're not faithful in contacting me by phone or email daily and keeping me filled with confidence in knowing... and I'm assured that you're being faithful, and committed to me while we're not together. It would seem to me that you will not be the same once we meet and are together seeing each other. Does that make sense?..." It is absolutely amazing to me how some people seemed to fall off the face of the earth after a few online contacts, yet they express the desire to pursue developing a friendship/relationship.
I have experienced some good things with this site and as well as some things that are just bizarre.
I look forward to talking to you too. I read the chat forum for a while before I ever posted. And as soon as I did post I couldn't stop. I think it's great.
