i heard this story from a very close friend i have (a)herself and i must admit it touched me when i heard it and thats why i post this story here , sooo.... Ladies and gentlemen please give your opinion :
On april 2011 a girl (a) met a guy (J) in a social network, then they stay as good friends , on june 2011 (a) met a guy in this site (G) also grow as good friends.....
(a) live in asia , both (J) and (G) live in the US but different states. Communications with both done by YM, skype, Fb, and phone , at least 2 times a week by each (G) and (J) , sometimes even more with each.
around October 2011 (J) told (a) that he like her more then friends , (a) was surprised and really didn't know how to respond because all this time she only see (J) as a good friend , though deep down she also feel something but she held her feelings to see whats going to happen next..... about 1 month after (J) told (a) about how he feels , he took some distance from (a) he still stay as friends but stepping back , taking distance... even almost gone missing.....
(a) was confused if she ever did or said something wrong, but never try to ask directly to (J) and thought that (J) might have found another girl whos living near by him.... even though there are many times (a) missed (J) but she never try to do anything to much... all she ever did was just checking on (J)'s profile in fb just to know if he is is ok.
in the absents of (J) , (a) and (G) grow closer and closer as FRIENDS , but deep inside (a) started to feel and wish for a lot more then friends....... they even exchange gifts by post
(a) was touched by (G)'s sincerity specially when (a) told (G) that she is saving her money to buy a car , (G) told her that he wanted to save $1 or $2 each day so he can send at least $50 per month to (a) to help her.
(a) refused the help because she knew that (G) is only working as a waiter and he still needs a lot of money himself..... what (G) didn't know was at the time (a) refused his help (a) was crying over joy and overwhelmed , because in her life there was nobody ever been so sincere and kind to her and along with that... the feelings inside (a) grow... STRONGER...and... BIGGER....
entering the year 2012.... (a) realizing something...... it seems that (J) was never really missing from her life.... but (J) only send mail or message via fb....... IF...... (a) put a sad or bad things that happened to her on her fb status , and as soon as he knows (a) is OK... his gone missing again......
and (G)...... slowly... becoming more and more "busy" but (a) always try o understand and never questions a lot... after all they are just friends.... (a) started to feel something is not right... but she kept on silence because she realized that she has no rights because they are nothing but good friends .
Finally.... (a) got the answer for everything... in the end of march2012 (G) told her that he met someone and though (G) said that its her faith in GOD that made him fall for the other girl but the reality (a) knows that younger age and some value things that the other girl has and she doesn't also play a big role. but in the moment she pretend to be happy for (G) and told him how happy she is for him ( what choice does she has ? )
and since (a) knows (G) very well , she also knows that (G) is not just "like" that girl... he is falling for the other girl , and of course the situation crushed (a) in to pieces.
while (a) was crying alone in her room the night after... suddenly she saw (J) was online in fb and all these times she knows if she's having a problem then (J) will always be there even just to listen.
in short... (a) told (J) what happened, strange thing is... (J) asked (a) when did (a) and (G) started to get close.... and with spontaneously (a) replied : "since you started to stepping back from me without any reason" but realizing that what she said might hurt (J) , (a) continue... : " but i understand, i'm not blaming you , i know you are busy"
hearing that (J) replied : " i know you are not blaming me " and finally (a) got the guts to asked (J) : " can i ask you something?" (J) said : " sure !" then (a) said : " please don't get mad, but why did you gone missing not long after you told me that you like me more then friends ?"
(J) took a deep breath and said : "because i love you and i can't be with you or protect you or make you safe , i can't hold you , and i can't be there when you need me or to just make you happy and it hurts a lot to me.... "
again... (a) was speechless but this time she has the guts to tell him that what (J) did was hurting her also because she missed him a lot.....
both (a) and (J) talked a lot that night and finally again (J) said to (a) " i love you! for just the way you are, with your kind heart and your silly act ! " and this time he asked (a) : " Do you love me or ever love me back then... even just a little... kind of... sort of... ? " ( he asked this to her because (a) was quite for a while ) and after a few moments (a) said to (J) : " i've just told you that i was in love with another man and now i'm broken hearted, don't you think my answer will sounds very stupid to you ? " and (J) replied : " NO it won't, i wasn't there when you needed me most and he was there , i can understand why you feel the way you feel for him , but you have to know that my feelings for you STAY the same.... it never change... NO matter what.... I LOVE YOU SILLY ! i always did and always will , and now i'm asking you again, do you ever love me even just a little ? " and with tears flowing from her eyes (a) said : "YES , and i missed you... A LOT... "
The story still continue... the fact that (J) also don't have enough financial capability to visit (a) instantly (meaning he has to save money first ) also might be a problem in their early relationship. but..... is there a chance for the two of them to find their happiness together ? or is it just another long distance relationship drama ? do you think both (a) and (J) are true with what they feel for each other or is it (a) just using (J) as a re-bounce ? ( with or without her even realizing it ) or is it (J) whos taking the advantages from (a) while she is fragile ?
if this is true love, then even distance won;t be a problem..(a) should be careful and handle the situation well..(a) knows that she's in fragile state, so extra careful is a must..i believe that if two persons are meant for each other, whatever, wherever, however, they will meet at the end of the road..
if this is true love, then even distance won;t be a problem..(a) should be careful and handle the situation well..(a) knows that she's in fragile state, so extra careful is a must..i believe that if two persons are meant for each other, whatever, wherever, however, they will meet at the end of the road..
My question would be, is (a) praying about (j) and (g)? I think that is key to this situation. God knows EXACTLY who each of us is supposed to be with. If she prays about it, and seeks the Lord, He will show her what to do, and which one is right for her. Maybe through the spirit of discernment..meaning the Lord helping her see traits that aren't good, and traits that are good, in each one.
So that I am on the same page as you, I just want to repeat what I think you are relating here.
Person [a] was in contact with person [j], who in the course of ongoing communications, expressed that their feelings had gone deeper than friendship. Person [a] did not reply in the way that person [j] was hoping/expecting, thereby causing person [j] to withdraw from continual communication. Due to this happening person [g] became the main focus of communication, and an ever deepening friendship ensued. Person [a] did not respond the way person [g] had expected, when person [g] also expressed their feelings for person [a]. So person [g] moved on, leaving person [a] to pick up the pieces of the broken friendship. Person [a] then re-contacted person [j], because they were hurt and they knew person [j] would listen to their plight. Now person [a] is in a quandary as to person [j], because person [j] has finally expressed how he [j] has felt all along.
Without wanting to take sides or sound mean or anything like that, can I say this.
Person [a] has a problem, much of their own making.
Person [a] should have resolved the issue with person [j] rather than sitting back and doing nothing, and adopting a wait and see policy.
Person [a] also took the same approach with person [g], and it bore disastrous results.
Person [a] is DEFINITELY on the rebound from the breakdown with person [g], and DESPITE what person [j] says, about [j]s feelings towards person [a], person [a] is too much emotional turmoil to make a accurate decision about pursuing person [j] at this time.
I would suggest, a break of a few months for [a] to try and sort them selves out a bit, by all means communicate this to person [j], but do not read the feelings [a] has for [j] now as being accurate or true love, they are re-bound feelings.
Person [a] needs to be wary of feelings that will end up causing more hurt in the long run.
I have been in this situation myself, and at that time, you can easily over look warning signs that you to take heed off.
So that I am on the same page as you, I just want to repeat what I think you are relating here.
Person [a] was in contact with person [j], who in the course of ongoing communications, expressed that their feelings had gone deeper than friendship. Person [a] did not reply in the way that person [j] was hoping/expecting, thereby causing person [j] to withdraw from continual communication. Due to this happening person [g] became the main focus of communication, and an ever deepening friendship ensued. Person [a] did not respond the way person [g] had expected, when person [g] also expressed their feelings for person [a]. So person [g] moved on, leaving person [a] to pick up the pieces of the broken friendship. Person [a] then re-contacted person [j], because they were hurt and they knew person [j] would listen to their plight. Now person [a] is in a quandary as to person [j], because person [j] has finally expressed how he [j] has felt all along.
Without wanting to take sides or sound mean or anything like that, can I say this.
Person [a] has a problem, much of their own making.
Person [a] should have resolved the issue with person [j] rather than sitting back and doing nothing, and adopting a wait and see policy.
Person [a] also took the same approach with person [g], and it bore disastrous results.
Person [a] is DEFINITELY on the rebound from the breakdown with person [g], and DESPITE what person [j] says, about [j]s feelings towards person [a], person [a] is too much emotional turmoil to make a accurate decision about pursuing person [j] at this time.
I would suggest, a break of a few months for [a] to try and sort them selves out a bit, by all means communicate this to person [j], but do not read the feelings [a] has for [j] now as being accurate or true love, they are re-bound feelings.
Person [a] needs to be wary of feelings that will end up causing more hurt in the long run.
I have been in this situation myself, and at that time, you can easily over look warning signs that you to take heed off.
People can be a lot difrent in real life. It's easy to think you have meet some great person on line because they can pick and chose to show you the parts they chose. It takes time to really get to know some one. I can't see how you can love some one you haven't even meet. To me that's just people getting caught up in the moment. You can be infatuated by some one. You can desire them. But love isn't just about desire. It's being there when its not fun and exciting. Any one can be nice and seam like they will be there for you. But give it time and they will show you there flaws. There is no perfect person out there. But if you take your time and get to know them you before you get your heart invested you will have a better success rate.
