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good goals for true Christian love and marriage
Posted : 10 Apr, 2012 09:54 AM
Best Love and Need
* Eros, which suggests sensual desire and sexual intimacy-- does not appear in the New Testament.
* Phil�o, which is used for friendship or love of one�s friends or relatives-- conveys a sense of loving someone because he or she is worthy of love.
* Agap�, which is God�s forever and unselfish love: is the purest, deepest kind of love given by God to His children when they are right with Him and is expressed not through mere emotions, but as an act of one�s will.
Do You Want to Experience the Only Love and Marriage that Lasts Forever?
(by Bill Stevenson)
Most people marry for the wrong reasons, usually for friendship/buddy love (phil�o) and erotic sexual love. But God wants much better for His adopted children. The two mentioned loves are responses to others, situational, and temporary. It is created by us. Agap�o love is only a gift from God for individuals when they are righteous (as much as they know to be-- 1 John 1:9 and repentance) and are thinking unselfishly. Thinking thankfulness to God and thankfulness for their spouse helps too. This love is not created by us; it is a gift of God because of our choice of the just indicated commitment in thinking. Only marriages with this love as the top desire will last forever. The following fact may surprise you: agap�o love manifests in all different forms, even sexual. And after every manifestation of it, the ones blessed have wonderful peace and joy (not just peace). I can tell when my wife and I have it in bed and when we don�t by the results. When we have eros, I have just a little peace and indifference, as if I just did what was expected to do in marriage. Sometimes I even feel shame because I was intimate with her only for selfish reasons. When one does eros outside of marriage, guilt feelings will also most likely result. I experienced that once. But when I experience agap�, I always have wonderful peace and joy. And another thing about agap� is that it can give you wonderful almost total body good feeling even when both you and your spouse are fully clothed, and if your spouse is on you, it can make you feel very very little of her weight. In other words, a feeling of being united much more than when naked and doing intercourse. I call this �spiritual intercourse� or �spiritual intimacy�. Agap� in intercourse can happen in ways that don�t seem biologically possible (I don�t mean weird or erotic positions either). It seems supernatural during those times, definitely not normal or the usual. But the main requirement for such wonderful loving is that I want my wife to feel good physically and I don�t care if I feel good at all. If you are married, try what I have indicated about agape, you will definitely enjoy. Eros will not always have good results. Why do you think that eros is not mentioned in the New Testament? God�s best for all aspects of marriage is agap�.
Most marriages are based only on eros love. A very small number are based on agap�o love. Why? One reason is because most individuals have not been taught about agap�o love and how God can be involved in all aspects of a marriage. Most individuals are not even encouraged to personally relate to what the Bible says about God-pleasing love as stated in 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5. The second reason why there are more eros-love marriages is the emphasis on selfishness in all of the human societies. Humanism is being taught in schools and even most churches. Humanism emphasizes a �I can do all things just by willing such� type pride and selfishness. In some churches, the church leaders command the congregation to make demands to God and quote some of the promises in the Bible. The third reason is usually due to the mass media, because most of such emphasizes eros. Of course the obvious examples are TV ads and movies with scantily clothed beautiful females and erotic activity. Also the fourth reason for mostly secular marriages with eros emphasis are the dirty stories, bragging claims, gossip, jokes [in secular groups and in churches (usually from the pulpits)], dating customs, and �falling in love� having to usually do with selfish physical intimacy. I have suggested using �raised or resurrected to love� instead of �falling in love�. Usually when a child or adult physically falls, he or she usually gets hurt, at least a little bruise or two. Some people who divorce say that they �fell out of love�. Agap�o love is forever because it is love from God Who is forever. One more point, I hate marriage jokes in church because at least in church marriage should always be talked about with respect. A preacher should never talk negatively against his spouse.
So how can a couple have a mostly spiritual unselfish marriage instead of a selfish marriage mostly based on sexual or/and materialistic fulfillment? Two anagrams and seven Bible verses will help answer this question. JOY= Jesus, Others, Yourself in chronological order. CONTROL= Character & Christ-likeness, Obedience to God�s Word and the Holy Spirit, Needs & Notions, Thinking & Temper & Tolerance, Reverence & Relating to God, Observations, Learning & Love with Holy Spirit help. The 7 Bible verses are: Matthew 22:37-40-- Jesus replied: ��Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.� This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: �Love your neighbor as yourself.� All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.� 1 John 1:9-- �If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.� Proverbs 3:5-6-- Trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding or past experiences; in all my ways acknowledge (be thankful for) Him, and He (via the Holy Spirit) shall direct my thinking and doing.� Notice how I translated the last 2 verses. Taking personal responsibility is very important in a God-pleasing way of living.
And most important is who is on the throne of your life? Who really �controls� or �rules� you? Is self on the throne of your life? Is a spouse or a good friend there? Is your job or occupation the main thing you live for? Or is Jesus Christ really Lord as well as Savior of your life? Do you heed to His Holy Spirit as He said His disciples should? See John 16. Selfish (even professing �fundamentalist Christian�) spouses usually try to be controllers by being selfish demanders or dictators, often with threats. But such individuals cannot be Holy Spirit-led because the He does not force or dictate. He urges and influences gently and sometimes with His reasons. Do you really live the 7 Bible verses emphasized in the paragraph before this one? When you do, you will think, say, and do God-pleasing and perfect things because the Holy Spirit is such. Think of a triangle with God on the top and the husband on the left line and the wife on the right line going up towards God by increasingly loving Him and increasingly obeying His Word and the Holy Spirit. As they get more spiritually intimate with God-Abba Father, they will get more spiritually intimate with each other in the agap�o love forever!! �Try it; you will like it.� The common characteristic of every sin is selfish, so individuals wanting to be ready for the Second Coming trip to Heaven and later life on the New Earth should be increasingly becoming more unselfish and compassionate. God pleasing marriage is not a 50%/50% commitment; it is a 100%/100% commitment. The only way it should be 50%/50% is in changes made. In other words, a husband and wife should make about the same number of changes in order to develop more unity. Such compromise is necessary. Some changes are just promises not to think, say, or do specific things.
As soon as possible, do a thorough study of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Ephesians 5 (yes, the whole chapter even though the second half seems to be the only part relating to marriage). If we have the right goals, we can have success!! Do you want to experience the wonderfulness of agape as I indicated in the first paragraph? It is your choice.
What Is Eternal Love?
(by Bill Stevenson)
It requires �the fruit of the Spirit�, listed in Galatians 5:22-23, as the following statements indicate.
It begins as a tiny little seed that will grow to maturity as a large, beautiful tree with the nourishment from heeding to inner soul Holy Spirit guidance and God's written-in-the-Bible instructions for best relating with others (not from relying in one's intellect or knowledge/understanding and then reacting).
Eternal love is joy unspeakable.
Eternal love is sharing all feelings and wanting to please the significant other without having selfish motives.
Eternal love, in its highest form, is laying down his or her life for the truly loved other.
Eternal love never insists on its own way and is not stubborn. It is always wanting to cast out selfish motives.
Eternal love does not keep thinking about a suffered wrong.
Eternal love is being patient, long-suffering (if necessary), and self-controlled (having temperance). It is not touchy or involving quick negative responses.
Eternal love is verbally responding with understanding and using gentle words (applying the �Golden Rule�) when harshly spoken to or unconstructively criticized. It usually involves being properly tolerant and a williness to compromise if possible.
Eternal love is forgiving and �letting go� (even in thinking about) of unjust individuals, even though they seem to not deserve such grace and eventually need to be rebuked or/and punished. �Vengeance is Mine, says the Lord [God the Father].�
God's eternal love is for willing believing/receiving distributors and never is a waste or a failure. Who is able to reject it? Only those who want to be self-pleasing, instead of God-pleasing.
A true Christian marriage is the best �nest� of such: for-all-situations and for everlasting love. It is a gradual-becoming union of hearts --�two become one� in attitudes, beliefs, convictions, and concerns. There are many types of verbal and physical affection which should be done frequently as the Holy Spirit urges, which should be fully and always appreciated (never taken for granted or assumed) by both spouses, and which will result in more �heart to heart� unity. The sexual union, in its highest intent, is an Earthly reflection of our union with God, our Father, and should be a time of celebration (unspeakable joy) for both involved. Jesus Christ said about His disciples in His prayer recorded in John 17: ��I made Your [God the Father's] name known to them [His first disciples] and revealed Your [God the Father's] character and Your very Self, and I will continue to make You known, that the [eternal] love which You have bestowed upon Me may be in them [His disciples]-- felt in their hearts -- and that I may be in them [always].��
The Seven Necessary Qualities Required For Everlasting Marriage
(by Bill Stevenson, 5/16/96 and amended on 8/12/03)
Note: The following are listed in order of importance:
(1) Love for God. This does not mean same amount of years of being true Christians or the same amount of years of church attending and ministry experiences. We should love God so much more than our closest beloved. If anyone or anything is not encouraging us to be thankful to God more and more and loving Him more and more, then we should change so that we can do such.
(2) Love for the Bible, especially the commandments of the New Testament. We should not be like the Galatia and Corinth Christians the Apostle Paul exhorted. We should see the New Testament commandments as God's best advice for how to relate to others. They all are contrary to human nature, so we should live them to be Christ-like in this sinful world (full of selfishness, untruthfulness, prejudice, bitterness, hatred, etc.). We should also love the promises of God for Christian believers. They require loving God or/and humbles.
(3) Love for honesty and truthfulness. This requires willingness to share all feelings when and where appropriate. (Constructive criticism should only be done in private and done as tactfully as possible.) The only way to go against the wiles of the spiritual enemy (via human beings, fallen angels, and human nature) is being honest and truthful. Philippians Paul said that the top priority of thinking should be about �whatsoever is truth� and Ephesians 6 states that the first piece of spiritual armor represents truth. The Bible is full of examples and commandments for truthfulness and honesty.
(4) Love of very frequent appreciating. First, as indicated in #1, a true Christian should be doing this to God. Then frequent appreciating should be expressed a lot to the beloved as the Holy Spirit urges. This requires living Proverbs 3:5 & 6. It can be done in hundreds of different ways. This is different than flattery because it includes no selfish motives.
(5) Love for Holy Spirit guided affection. This is not just having what is called �the right chemistry� with another individual and usually there is excessively much emphasis to how one does sexual intercourse. God wants married couples to emphasize spiritual/peaceful/unselfish intimacy which requires living Proverbs 3:5-6. It can be done in hundreds of different ways. Unselfish affection loving will always result in peace, joy, supernatural feelings and physical reactions. There will be no guilt feelings or ungentle or forced physical actions. Also, there are so many forms (verbal and physical) of the love that comes from God (which is guided only by the Holy Spirit) compared to the common eros love ways.
(6) Love for humor. Someone said, �If you don't have a sense of humor, you will not survive this negative world.� It took me over twenty-one years to do this; I was a serious, worrying, perfectionist until I realized that I needed to stop worrying about things and people I am not responsible about and to enjoy good humor. I wouldn't be sane now at age 56 if I didn't make these two changes in my thinking.
(7) Love for same and similar hopes. This is last because true Christians will have the same and similar hopes because of the Holy Spirit urging such desires and unselfishness.
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