Okay. Straight to the point. This post addresses the topic of finding our "perfect mate" here. Not just a nice person ... not just someone we're compatible with ... not just a pretty face ... not just a great personality ... not even all these things and more combined. We are referring to "the one" that not only makes our lives better, but makes us WHOLE. I'd like to start by asking you to ponder this question:
Doesn't the Lord already know those of us who will be saved? Paul writes in Roman 9:21, does not the Potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor? (Read all of Romans Chapter 9 to further confirm this). Yes, we all have free will. We all make our own choices. But God knows ahead of time what we will do with that free will. So then, if He still has a perfect plan for our lives, wouldn't it hold true that, in this perfect plan of His, He has included whether or not we are to have a perfect mate? Keep in mind now, that we are actually talking about believers here, not the "general public at large." Although God's laws apply to everyone (hence the coming wrath), it's His mercy and His grace and His forgiveness that have been given as gifts to those who call Jesus Christ Lord and Savior. (So a simple "numbers game" of the masses, the collective population of the world, really doesn't apply here). Although God does have specific plans for believers and non-believers alike, let us for the moment focus on what God wants for the Christian.
So we know it's true that God has a perfect plan for our lives. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). Wouldn't it also hold true that He has determined whether or not we are meant to be with someone else? To think that God has a perfect plan for us, WITHOUT actually including such matters regarding a perfect mate in there somewhere, really seems quite silly ... doesn't it?! I mean, think about this for a moment. How can an All-Powerful, All-Knowing God just leave out such a HUUUUUUUUUGE detail:
Verily, I, the LORD your God, sayeth unto thee dudes, "I have plans to prosper you ... but man you're on your own coming up with a wife! I mean, come on, man. It's only like the SECOND most important choice you'll EVER make. And I already helped you find my Son Jesus. Go find a girl by yourself!"
NO WAY! Of course, this is utterly ABSURD! The plan is only perfect if EVERY aspect of the plan is perfect! (And let's face it, guys ... many of us are NOT clever enough to do this on our own! We NEED God's help at the very CORE of this very important decision)!! :)
I think we can all agree that, whether we're meant to be with someone or not, God wants and expects us to follow HIS will for our lives ... to obey HIS prompting ... to go where HE leads. And whether that's with or without a suitable helper, we are still called to do everything for HIS glory! The truth is, God HAS chosen those who are meant to remain single, just as He has chosen those of us who are meant to someday enter the bonds of holy matrimony. The ONLY logical and wise conclusion, therefore, MUST BE that God has also chosen exactly WHO this person should be. Let's really look closely at scripture here:
20 ... But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:20-24, NIV).
Let's truly examine these lines of scripture with greater discernment. Look at the phrase at the beginning of verse 24 - "For this reason." The word "reason" is ripe with PURPOSE! What reason, what purpose, is being referred to here? Let's study the previous verses. No suitable helper ... the LORD God MADE a woman ... and He BROUGHT her to the man ... the man said, " ... she shall be called 'woman' ... taken out of man". Okay, so then the purpose is God creating our suitable helper ... our perfect match. Now, here's the point I want to NAIL home. The word "this" is EXCLUSIVE! For THIS reason! Not for this and that and many other reasons. Not for whatever you FEEL like doing, whomever you FEEL like marrying. NO! Paraphrasing verse 24 here, we can ONLY conclude that for THIS ONE REASON ONLY a person will marry. God is spelling out His perfect marriage plan to us! He is telling us DIRECTLY what He plans to do for us regarding a marriage partner, if we just wait patiently for His timing! And, NO ... it does NOT mean we have to sit at home and twiddle our thumbs waiting for someone to fall out of the heavens ... God did allow us these modern technologies to HELP us carry out His will. So, YES ... by all means USE the internet! Don�t use it as a crutch. Don�t use it as a shortcut. Don�t use it in PLACE OF God. DO use in UNISON WITH God ... as one of many instruments He has given. (Sorry guys ... we men STILL have to do some work! Our wives are not necessarily going to fall into our arms without a little EFFORT on our parts)! ;)
Now, this scripture obviously does NOT say that God has made "someone for everyone." But, for those of us who know we ARE meant to be with someone, it DOES clearly state that God DOES have someone that He has MADE, and He will BRING at the proper time! Furthermore, He is telling us that this is the ONLY way He desires for us to meet our true mate. But, it is WE who mess this up. It is with our free will that WE chose to either submit to God, and follow His leading on this ... or do our "own thing" (sometimes even believing that they are the same thing). "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8, NIV). Any time we take someone to be our lawfully wedded husband / wife by any means that does not rely solely (and soul-ly) on God, we are taking a BIG GAMBLE! In many cases, we are merely walking into a relationship (and a lifetime of problems) that simply wasn't part of God's original, perfect plan! It is in our free will, mixed with our own misconceptions, interpretations, and straight-up lack of intimacy and closeness with our Father (not praying, not reading our Bibles, not worshipping, not fellowshipping) that WE begin to doubt this and lose sight of what can be the ONLY truth. The only place in the Bible that really spells out God's ORIGINAL plan for us in this matter (when we were truly walking with God in complete unity) is early Genesis ... before the "fall" and original sin. Everything else - yes EVERYTHING - in the Bible from that point on is basically God instructing us on how we are SUPPOSED to live ... and how we more or less keep messing it up famously! Whenever we start thinking that we know what's best for us ... well ... red lights should flash brightly and loud sirens should wail! ;)
Now, if God has a plan for each one of us, then that plan simply MUST include (among many other intricate facets) whether or not we are meant to be with someone. If then, we know His plan IS this detailed, and ALL things are covered in this plan, doesn't it stand to reason that He has also determined WHO this person should be? If, on the other hand (remembering His plan is far more specific than we can ever possibly imagine) for those who have been chosen to live single, then by all means praise God for His chosen path for your life! I'm not denying the fact that some Christians ARE meant to go through this life single, and, just as Paul did, commit their full attention to serving God in a different capacity than married couples do. But I've also seen first-hand that some people, BELIEVING that God wants them to remain alone have made that choice to remain single on their OWN ... not really as a result of what God has said. This is very sad and very unfortunate. They have simply, to put it bluntly, given up! They are missing out on what God originally had in store for them! (Again, this is our free will mixed with misconceptions).
So, from a practical standpoint, what do we do? First, we need to establish what the Lord wants for us. "Does God want me to marry?" Trying to move any further forward, without having this important question answered, is not only a waste of your time ... it's DANGEROUS! Moving "full steam ahead" is GREAT on a train track God has laid out for us. It's not so great if the track is one we've laid out for ourselves and has become terribly damaged up ahead. Even though, for the majority of Christians the answer may be yes, do you know for sure that the answer is yes ... for YOU? Do you continue to struggle to know the answer? DIG IN DEEP, my friend, in your relationship with the Lord. Get to know your Father BETTER, and He will reveal more of His plan to you. 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded (James 4:7-8, NIV). Open up that Bible a little more often. Increase quality prayer time. Maybe ("God forbid") even FAST for a period of time and weaken your physical body a bit to really open yourself up to relying on God's spiritual nourishment! ;) And genuinely LISTEN to what God has to say! :) If you can then honestly say God has answered, "Yes. I have chosen someone to be your suitable helper," then DIG IN EVEN DEEPER to ask Him WHO He has chosen for you ... and be PATIENT in waiting for the answer. Remember ... God's plan, God's timing! ;) And we always need to also keep in mind that, while we are waiting FOR God's answers, we can still be waiting ON God by serving others in His name!! :)
Praise be to our God and Father in Heaven! I thank Him that He is a "hands-on" God! I'm not going to quote scripture here, because the evidence in the Bible to support this is UNDENIABLE. From God forming Adam out of the mud, to creating Eve out of Adam, and the multiple times Jesus laid His hands on people to heal them, it is abundantly clear that He is NOT about creating a "partially perfect plan." If His hand is on our lives in one area, it's available in ALL areas!
To those who may still be doubting God's "hands-on" approach to your perfect mate, please just keep asking yourself, "If God truly knows me intimately and completely, and already knows EVERY breath I'm going to take in this life, wouldn't He also know who is meant to 'take my breath away'?"
Peace be with you all, my dear brothers and sisters. If you are here, already KNOWING beyond any doubt that you are meant to find true love, then it is NOT a false hope ... it is a REAL HOPE to expect God will deliver on His promises! And if you rely on God every step of the way, then you WILL one day meet your special someone! It's clearly written in His Word! Yeah, that's right ... I'm CLAAAAIMING IT, IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!!!!
I didn't read this entire thing because, quite frankly, it seemed like a lot of the same thing over and over again that can be summarized fairly concisely:
You have the wrong idea about the whole, "God's will for your life" ordeal.
To think that the Bible was written for you personally is, well, wrong.
There is no major denomination nor credible theologian in church history that will reinforce the idea that "God's will" is talked about on an individual basis. The will you speak of in the Bible was written to the church ***as a whole.*** Throughout the New Testament (which is what you quoted), how many books/letter do you see that are written to individuals? That's right. Not many. Timothy, Philemon, Titus and a few others. The Word of God was written to the Bride of Christ - his church - in other words, a collective peoples...not individuals. When you read many of those verses and apply them to your own personal life, you have missed the point. I'm not saying you can't read them personally. I'm saying that is *not* the first way they are to be interpreted and read in light of.
To think that there is one person out there for you who is absolutely perfect for you is rather naive and foolish. There are six billion people in the world. Let's just assume that there is an equal 50/50 split in men and women. That means that there are THREE BILLION women out there for you to choose from. If you're going to assume that you're going to marry the "perfect" person, or "the one" for you, then you're telling me that you're assuming that every other person in history has married "the one" for them, and that no one has ever divorced and remarried. For even one divorce/remarriage or someone marrying the wrong one would throw off the entire system logically. It would only take one.
Furthermore, there is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING in the Bible that reinforces this point of view. NOT ONE SINGLE VERSE reinforces the idea that there is "the one" out there for everyone. Marriage for everyone isn't even biblical! Just read Paul's take on it! He says it's better to NOT marry. To go with the idea that there IS someone out there who is "perfect" for you is to succumb to westernized, romanticized, American culture. This is how America views relationships. Go to any other culture that isn't heavily influenced by our western culture and you will not find this. Disagree with me? Then do tell how you would explain arranged marriages.. because that's what happened most of the time throughout the Old Testament.
If you have to make marriage work with someone, you'll make it work - just as it was in Old Testament times with arranged marriages. Are there people out there who are better options for you personally? Yes, of course. However, to think that there is someone out there who is absolutely perfect for you is completely illogical, narrow-minded, immature (in the sense that it isn't a fully matured idea), and naive.
