Author	Thread: Marital Sex and Emails
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 12:02 PM After corresponding with a new friend for a few days here on CDFF, he brought up the subject of marital sex. I had not been aware that we were having any romantic discussions, so I was very surprised that he would even mention the subject! Am I being overly sensitive? I said nothing to lead this man on and would never bring up the subject of sex, marital or otherwise, in an email. Any input from others would be greatly appreciated! Blessings! Post Reply
View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 12:16 PM I doubt you said anything to lead him on. While you are just trying to be �friends�, he is looking for a wife. He has a list of things he is looking for, and your view of sex in marriage is important to him, so he asked. I could see why this would be rather awkward to talk about to someone who is basically a total stranger, though. This is why I tend to like sites such as eHarmony. One�s views on sex in marriage is one of the matching criteria they use. It�s a little less embarrassing to let an impersonal machine match you up than to have to divulge this information to a bunch of people. Post Reply
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 01:08 PM Thanks Cobbler. You make a good point about what a man looks for in a potential wife. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but that seems like something worth pursuing after we see if we even have anything in common! While I have been out of the dating scene for a really long time, and I know a lot of things have changed, this just seems rather suspicious to me. I've experienced this from scammers, but I really thought this person was genuine. Now I'm not so sure. Post Reply
View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 01:25 PM Yeah, I tend to think that this is something that should be put off until WAY later myself. I think a lot of it comes from the mentality that sex is just something you are either compatable or not, instead of just another thing that you have to work at in marriage. Personally I don�t think sexual compatibility is something you should be asking about early on, but it seems to be the norm with online dating. Post Reply
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 02:33 PM Oh, geez, it IS the norm with online dating? Egads, I'm way outta my league then! I'd sorta like to know the guys last name and birthday before I get asked about sex! OK, so I think I'll just be content to hang around these Forums and chat with folks rather than have to deal with the sex issue right off the bat. There are some things I'm not compromising! Post Reply
View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 03:00 PM Ok, norm may be a little extreme, but certainly not unusual. I would suggest that you put something about it in your profile, but I doubt people will actually read it (see the �profiles� thread under the Ask a Guy section). Post Reply
View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 04:55 PM @N... I don't think you need to get to a certain base in a relationship before you can state your sexual beliefs/requirements. I mean if for example the question came up on a survey about whether you'd want to take a submissive or assertive role in sex, you'd have no problem stating your preference, no? Of course, some things about sex (well, lot's actually) need to wait until much further along before you need to even think about answering them. Sexual past for example is something most people wouldn't want to publicise, neither would you really want the family down the road to know your fantasies and what turns you on, so those questions are off-limits for the present. In short, if he's asking if you believe in sex before marriage, or how important it's likely to be to you then I think those are valid questions to help decide if you'll be compatible in that area. If instead he's asking you how you get yourself off, what you'll be wearing come the night, or whether you'd do certain things for him, then those questions are inappropriate at this stage, and most probably until marriage has been planned or even later. Having said that, sex opens up a much deeper connection between two people than can be had otherwise, and I don't think it's something women need to fear or be worried about - within marriage it truly is something to look forward to. Post Reply
Mercymay View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 25 Feb, 2012 06:07 AM In connection with this post, I would like to share this experience I had before. There was someone that I think was monitoring my coming on line. Anytime I come on line he will chat with me, asking me questions about everything under the sun. I think it goes on for 3 or 4 months. I think he really wish to be married to me and having talked with him for sometime I started to know him and started to like him too. He never talk about sex though. Because he was of German descent and I heard they really are big or huge, I have this worry because I also believe that sex is kind of a bonding agent in a married life. So one day I told him of a joke I also read somewhere. It goes like this� In a restaurant there was a gentleman and comes a beautiful lady. He called the waiter and instructed him to give the lady the most expensive wine they have. The waiter did the request but the lady wrote him a note saying�for me to accept your gift, you must have a million dollars in your account, BMW in your garage, and 8 inches under your pants. The gentleman wrote a reply�yes young lady, I have over two million dollars in my account, BWMs in my garage, but I am sorry, even for you I will not cut 1 inch under my pants. We had a great laugh then my on line friend said I was talking about him, that he has that much money and cars but it is not only 1 inch but 3 inches he have to cut under his pants. I told him for that alone I could not be married to him as it will be like giving birth every time we bond. After saying that he never talk with me again. He doesn�t want me even for a friend or he doesn�t want to waste anymore of his time and my time. Post Reply
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 25 Feb, 2012 08:21 AM @dkj "Having said that, sex opens up a much deeper connection between two people than can be had otherwise, and I don't think it's something women need to fear or be worried about - within marriage it truly is something to look forward to." I absolutely agree! Having been married, within the institution of marriage, sex is extremely important and something to be cherished! Indeed, in my mind and even at my age :winksmile:, to me a marriage without making love would be difficult, if not impossible, for me. That said, however, there is definitely a time and place for important and necessary discussions about a sexual future and IMHO an email may not be the most appropriate place for this! Thank you for your words of guidance and support. You are a blessing to us! Post Reply
Len1932 View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 5 Mar, 2012 10:48 PM My wife before we got married told me sex can be found on any street corner but true love takes time to develope < we had 6 children and 55 years together, Sex really has no place in a discussion over email but face to face , When I was in 1st and 2nd grades , there was a girl that I really enjoyed being with each day. I would go out of my way to school (we walked blocks to school in those days) .just to have the opportunity to be with a girl named Coralie. That name is not often given to a girl even today. Along about the end of the school year she moved from the area and her name and great times we had has always stuck in my mind. This happened in Iowa and when I joined the Air Force they sent me to California. There one day I attended a USO dance held by the high school girls and would you believe met a beautiful girl, and her name was Coralie. She was one of the top dancers and I never learned to dance, the daughter of the Chev Plant Manager and I was just a one-striper in the Air Force, but she invited me home that day to visit with her parents. We hit it off from the very start and one month after graduating from high school we were married. Just 6 months after meeting and she was just 17 and I was 20 so we had to have our parents permission to get married at that age. In 55 years, we traveled the world, had six children, had a farm and several other businesses together. We had a high respect for each other, even though I never learned to dance. When I found another girl named Coralie, I never let her go Post Reply
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Marital Sex and Emails Posted : 6 Mar, 2012 09:05 AM Thank you Len. It's so nice to hear that real Christian men, like you and the others that responded, know the proper time and place for this type of discussion. It turns out that I was perhaps "too sensitive" to the email I had received from a Christian gentleman, mentioning sex in marriage. I believe we have straightened out the misunderstanding. Again, it was so helpful to hear others replied to this thread. Thanks! Post Reply

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