Admin
|
Advice about Love from 49 years of marriage
Posted : 23 Jun, 2011 02:33 PM
This story has blessed many single men/women (messaging me asking me if they can steal this story for their own read later on! So I decided why not post this in the forum? This dear old man told me this some months ago and I still cherish his wisdom... enjoy!
So, today my mom and I traveled up to Escondido to visit a sister from a former church we used to attend there! She owns (with her husband) a espresso truck, and every person who has bought from her says her coffee is better then starbucks! She actually now serves clients who used to go to starbucks at a daily basis that now go to her! I tried the caramel Frappucino and OMGoodness!!! It was like whipcream heavenly goodness!!! She gives all glory to God, amen! Ok ok ok...
So an elderly gentleman (mexican) drove up, and he definitely looked like a dear old grandpa (he is about in his early 80's or so), and he came up and sat down with us (she knows him well), and he had coffee with us...
We talked about everyday things, then all of a sudden he started talking about how he NEEDS a wife... as his wife passed away 4 years ago, 49 years married...
He then started to talk about how she died, I don't wanna tell that story as it was so sad, yet romantic on how she died with only he present and the promises he made before she died those 15 min! It was like a passionate old romantic movie you'd watch on TCM! those black and white movies, I was hanging on to every inch of his story, a tear betraying me here and there, he spoke so softly, slowly, and lovingly about that memory, I wanted to cry right there and then....
Then my mom went with sis inside the truck and it was just he and myself alone, after knowing his history with his wife (such a beautiful history) I thought, "What a beautiful marriage they had, what is the secret of such long years married?" So I asked him... he looked at me with almost a wistful look in his eyes remembering her and said, "Respect is the secret"... I didn't bat an eye, I thought, "That is it? Respect? I hear that all the time!" I guess he knew what I was thinking and chuckled saying, "today's generation do not know what respect is, that is why there is so many divorces. In my days we didn't even know what divorce was! when I was courting my wife for 5 years, we did not even hold hands, respect started before marriage, it started with knowing eachother... after marrying we kept that respect with our words toward one another. Yes, we got angry at eachother many times, but never have I left the home to walk off my anger, I told her or she'd tell me "Let's talk this out", and we would listen to eachother. listening was not thinking while the other person talked what smart thing I will say next, we listened to eachother, what bothered us, what we needed the other to do, and honored that request... that is listening."
Then he looked out in the distance quiet... There was something that told me not to say a word, but wait... then he said...
"So many young people... so many young people getting married these days, but many do not last. Why? Patience. You hear the term "Patience is a virtue" and it is. The foundation of a marriage begins when two people start knowing eachother, to know someone takes time, it took me 5 years... it takes others less or more, but they are certain in the end "we are ready". today, the youth are getting married because they want too, not because they need too."
I was shocked! So I asked, "But shouldn't one WANT to get married? You know, love?" he smiled and said...
"marriage is a need, that turns into a want... Love is a need, not a want first...everyone needs love then after they have that love then their needs turn to desire! Marriage is not about a wedding, when there is more focus on a wedding then a unity of a lifetime of oneness, then they want marriage, not need it and that is when trouble will come. "
I then said, " how does one know for SURE he is the one?"
He smiled and said "listen to me, and listen good..." I leaned in closer to hear his wisdom...
"A man who says I love you quickly without knowing you deeply is a man you must stay away from, He is not mature.
A man who talks alot, especially of himself, what he has, how much he makes, how awesome he'll take care of you, what he will give you, etc. Stay away from him...
BUT... man who asks question of yourself, digging to know you better, who shows almost no "interest" almost to the point of maybe doubting if you are the one for him, THAT is the man you want.
A man who doesn't speak of himself, in all ego, but shows you who he is, what he will do for you, as the saying goes "action speaks louder then words" He is for you.
Todays young women think men who gives "love" to quickly to them, or speaks words they want to hear quickly is the man of their dreams, when they are the men whom they should avoid, not because they are bad men, no no no... but they are immature and are not ready for marriage, and show so as making quick decisions...
A mature man will think before making big decisions, yes... there are times when a man will make rash decisions in life like buying a car when in need, or lesser things of such importance, but when it comes to romance... a woman... a mature man will take such a long time you may think "He does not care for me", it is because he cares for you, he waits patiently, thinking, deciding, because he knows marriage is not a game.
An immature man will treat you like a car, a lesser item by making a quick decision with regret for you both.
Please remember, marriage is work... are you willing to put in work to grow old with a man? do not marry a man JUST so he can take care of you, but that you desire and need to take care of him. There is no greater love in a couple then when both spouses forget themselves for the sake of the other." At this time, he wiped his eye, I suppose a tear was coming down...
I had to ask one more question, "Sir... I have never been inlove, and am afraid of love itself cos it's a very important big thing! what if I make a mistake and it's the wrong person, what if I miss the right person because I didn't want to give love because I wasn't sure... Please... how will I know, love for a man?"
There was a sweet twinkle in his eye, and a smile betrayed his lips and he softly chuckled while adjusting his sitting position, then he explained...
"when you are inlove, knowing he's the one, you will come to realize you need him, he is like breath, without it you'd die... you would give up everything, family, friends for him. You MUST have him, there is no life without him.
True love is not an emotion, do you know that? True love creeps on you and surprises you when you least expect it, sometimes when you least want it even with who you least expect it to be.
Love does not come quickly, or harshly, like a whirlwind, it comes softly, subtely, then unveils the gift that God has for you before your eyes, and that is when it hits you, perhaps like a whirlwind... Love happens that way... don't stop it, let it run it's course!"
After a moment of silence (I was in total awe of all he said)... he started to play with his coffee cup, studying it and said softly, "I need a wife."
I asked, "Why?" He (still not looking up), "all my 7 children (2 girls 5 men) are a blessing, taking good care of me, loving me... but when I go to bed at night, I am alone, When I awake, I awake alone. Not everyday my children are with me, I am alone. It's just me with my 2 dogs. No number of children or close friends can ever replace the warmth, joy, confidence, gentleness, character, patience of a woman... a wife. My wife and I would spend EVERY day of our married life together, we never felt the desire to "get away" from eachother ever, because I was a part of her, as she was a part of me, we were one.
It is not good for man to be alone, and I know that first hand. I have been a widow for 4 years now, I still mourn my wife... I do not cry as my chest hurts when I do, for a part of me died with her. when she died, I prayed to God to take me too. But He has given me strength, and now my mourning days are over as now I am ready to love again and take a wife for my own." Then I remember earlier that day when he remembered what kind of woman he had with this story, "One day I was so tired, so beat down and discouraged. I said depressed, "sigh... I just want to die right now. I just want to sit here and die." His wife put her hands on her hips and said strongly, "We don't have time for that, you don't have time to die right now we need to do something about this, we gotta get to work... you can die another day, but today we will do something." and she rolled up her sleeves and worked hard... that was the kind of woman I had, a strong hard working woman."
That's when I realized, the love he had for her was so deep, he himself wanted to die because a part of him died already with her. (twas the same love my uncle and my aunt had when he passed away, another long beautiful romance...my uncle died of cancer on the day of their wedding anniversary... holding on to fulfill his vows on the day he gave his vows... till death do we part...), a love of growing old together... what a blessing... what a real blessing... I have never had a grandpa... a grandpa who has given me such loving wisdom that I had to share! He still doesn't know it, but I have adopted him as my dear old grandpa! :)
Post Reply
|
