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Advice Snippets
Posted : 20 Jun, 2011 12:22 AM
Some quick snippets of wisdom I've either learned from experience or gained by insight... perhaps they can help the aspiring relationalist.
- Know yourself. If you don't know who you are, how can you possibly know someone else?
- Tell the truth. Not just to the other person, but to yourself most of all. Not to be selfish, but a sure sign of a government's imminent demise is if it begins believing its own propaganda. Don't exaggerate or puff yourself up as more than you really are; sometimes, you only fool yourself and sometimes you fool everyone. Either way, it's false pretenses.
- Know the other person. This applies to every relationship, and ties in to telling the truth. Imagine everyone you meet is a mirror; we only really see what we understand, and generally we see ourselves and assume more similarity than might be there in reality. If both people are only seeing themselves in the other, things will break down eventually. Also, don't be living through a one-way mirror... just show people who you really are and if they can't handle it then at least you're living in reality.
- Live in reality. As in, come to terms with how things are, so that you can live well in your circumstances and relationships. living in a dream bubble isn't living at all; would you rather be in the Matrix where things seem okay or live in the Real World where you can actually change things that matter?
- Don't do generic. If you want "someone" then you can find "someone," but if you desire a specific person, and individual unlike any other, then don't settle for "someone." Even though you may not know who that individual is, don't date so you can be dating "someone" or because they aren't disqualified from your list of things you want / don't want (if they aren't disqualified, they fit the bill right? Wrong). Don't try to date a stereotype, because everyone is different and trying to categorize, mold, or imagine someone to be a generic isn't going to work.
- If you date someone, date them because of who they are. Again, don't generalize and don't sell out. Until you find the person with whom you want to be in your life until you graduate to heaven, don't have a serious romantic relationship. It should be along the lines of "I want you and only you, because you're you and nobody else is." Don't just accept someone for who they are; love them and want them in your life because they are exactly who they are (even if we're all still growing, the core person stays the same, and everyone is different).
- Trust God with all of it. I mean ALL, not just this section of your life, or this aspect of your relationships. Don't limit God, and don't tell him what he can and can't do in your life. If you don't want his help, he might just decline to give it. The more you give to God, the more he can use and work with, and also the more he can give you too. How meaningful your relationship with God is is proportional to how much he means to you, and how much you trust him is roughly proportional to how much he trusts you with great gifts.
- Patience. This is important, and it really needs to be something you get from God. If not, you'll end up frustrated, lonely, and distrusting of God, asking "why didn't you ____?" or "where were you when ______ happened?" You don't want that; you want the best, right? God knows where you live. He knows what's up, and he IS on your side, if you are on his. Timing is everything, and if you don't trust God with timing... do you really trust him with anything?
- Pray. For yourself, to be attuned to God's direction and prompting in your life and relationships, for wisdom, discernment, etc. For others, especially people you might consider long term relationships with. They need God's help in their lives too. Also, don't neglect praying for your future spouse, regardless of whether you think you know who it is or not. Just add the mysterious placeholder him or her to your prayer list, that God would work in their life and whenever you're both ready and the timing is right to do what he wants with the two of you.
- Most importantly... do not be afraid. Fear will cripple you, and worry will drown you. Panic will smite you, and anxiety will suffocate you. Keep your perspective: if you're on God's team, he's on yours. That means you cannot lose, at least according to whatever God has planned for you. If he wants you married someday, he will pick out the right person and make it happen, all in good timing. Remember the game isn't about you, it's about God and suddenly there is nothing to fear if you are secure in God's love and trust him with everything.
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