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not so usual dating tips
Posted : 22 May, 2011 06:12 PM
We often hear from pastors, friends, life coaches, family, etc that we should abandon people simply because things are not going our way. Yes, there is a time to let go, but there are also times we have to hold on. But, the question is when do we hold on and when do we let go? There are no cookie-cutter answers on solutions, but I will offer up some suggestions to help foster more loving and conducive interactions:
1. First, it is important that we stop rushing into relationships. I personally believe we could reduce broken hearts by 50% by learning to take our time and get to know people. We have to learn to ask the right questions and, most importantly, praying about the person you have interest in. You can�t risk making emotional decisions because your feelings will mislead you.
2. 85% of all the pain we have experienced from relationships is self-inflicted. That means we hold on or enter relationships out of our past pain, unresolved issues, selfish motives, peer pressure, societal pressures, or inability to handle being single without feeling the need to have someone. When we decide to be with someone simply because of a benefit or because we desire love, so bad that we believe the first person who quote �show us�, we are setting ourselves up to be hurt and disappointed over and over again. We all know the person who speaks, so highly about the �new girl or guy.� They begin the relationship all �in love� then just 4-6 weeks later they are telling a new person in their life the exact words. This happens all the time; yet, we continue to learn the slogan �let go� when the truth is the person letting go maybe the problem. Not everyone is a victim of their pain; some are direct participators. Again we have to judge our self and the role we play.
3. We have to stop placing unrealistic expectations on people and allow people to be human. Now are there people who have certain issues that need to be worked out alone with God, without being in a relationship? Yes, which is why we have to take it slow and be led by God.
4. Conflict doesn�t equal bad. I see this type of thinking way too often. In a lot cases conflict can lead to a deeper and more intimate relationship after the conflict is resolved. Failure is not forever and neither are human mistakes or problems. This idea that people can�t have healthy conflict that may strengthen the relationship is wrong.
5. Be careful of entering into relationships with people who are quick to run, quit, give up, or walk away. This means that you want to be with people who can give you grace when you make mistakes and to whom you also can give grace. You see, we have people who expect you to accept them as they are, but as soon as you do something wrong they attack you or judge you. Truth is we will all make mistakes in loving people, but we can also grow from those mistakes to become better men and women.
6. If we run from everything that is hard, uncomfortable or not our way we will never be able to love unconditionally. Please note loving unconditionally does not mean we accept negative behavior, nor does it mean we run in every case. Again people we have to pray and discern the direction from God.
7. Examine your motives and the motives of the person you have interested in. Our motives, good or bad , speak to why we desire to be with someone. Some of us don�t have pure and healthy motives for desiring a relationship; our motive is about us and not about sharing a life with someone. The opposite of love is selfishness, so when we have selfish motives for doing anything we have already sowed a seed for it to fail. It�s okay to like someone and not be in a relationship with them; not every good man or woman you meet is for you to explore a relationship with. Let�s stop feeling the need to be in relationship. We have to discontinue being needy because it only attracts the wrong people.
In closing, let�s start walking in love and stop walking as if we are better than other people. Let�s stop judging people and learn to love them learn to help people become better. When we enter relationships because of our emotional wounds in an attempt to heal the pain we should not be surprised when we get hurt. We have to date with integrity, take our time, ask the right questions, heal the root cause of our issues, pray, hear God and obey. We won�t have to worry about letting go because we will be too busy holding on to unconditional love.
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