Author	Thread: Guilt.
Admin	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 03:53 PM My primary problem is that I have trouble putting time into online contact, I get e-mails and have trouble answering them or just put them off altogether. I don't really mean to ignore people or come across as uncaring or rude, I just have a dim outlook on dating sites and relationships in general. I feel pretty guilty as I know someone put time into writing me, and I just didn't give them the effort I should have, or at least return the effort. I just sometimes get slightly depressed sitting in one place writing people who half the time end up not being who I thought. Does anyone also feel this way, or know how I can be better about this, maybe pray about it? Post Reply
lynneb423 View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 04:43 PM Oh ... I was thinking about sending you an e-mail the other day. Good thing I didn't, 'cuz you don't have the time! ... just teasing. :winksmile: I understand how you feel about this. I was writing to several guys and couldn't keep details straight, so finally I felt I had to decide to not respond to some. It didn't feel right to respond "I don't think we'd make a good match" ... when someone might be writing just to say a 'HELLO'. But, I never wanted to seem rude either. Just like you, I've met a few who turned out to be nothing like they first seemed. One man in particular was quite scary to me. I actually suspended my profile for a few days because I felt a bit scared by the entire situation. I was more afraid of this man than I've ever felt towards an unsaved man. I needed to re-group, and I did: My faith is in God ... not in man. On a brighter note, I've met a few guys who have been interesting to correspond with- and I've enjoyed that a lot. I hope you've met at least a few that have been positive?? Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 06:07 PM MsMarvel: Why the dim outlook on relationships in general? Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 06:33 PM I'm totally right there with you, Lynne, I've talked to some genuine creeps before. For that reason I'm very careful about who I give my last name to, and any contact details, I'm very guarded. I'm sorry to hear you've had bad experiences, but you're right, the Lord is the one I should be relying on. Not my own senses, or someone else. Thank you, you are pretty wise. I have talked to a few nice people, no one I'd consider a good friend, perhaps that's partly my fault though, I have pushed people away or had the wrong idea about them. Quadrafire, I haven't seen good examples of relationships in my lifetime, I know I'm only 21, but I just have seen quite a lot that has made me want to be overly cautious, I'm very trusting once trust has been gained. I've just seen a lot of painful experiences other people have gone through, I suppose. I need the Lord to change my heart, I'm sure, and not fear so much. Rachel Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 06:59 PM MsMarvel, I feel the same way. I think the reason we feel this way is cause deep down we know writing others is a waste of time and effort when we secretly know we're meant for each other! Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 07:12 PM MsMarvelous, while I don't have an overflowing Inbox as you do (generally, men in my age group are looking for ladies closer to your age group), I do respond to every email. Not always the winks, but the emails, yes. Reason: I treat others the way I want to be treated. If someone screws up their courage enough to write to you, they deserve some kind of reply. There is a button here for "I don't think we'd make a good match", so there is no excuse to say "No, thank you". Those are just my two cents. I've met creeps on here, too. And men who were not who they portray themselves to be in their profiles. Caution, and going slow, are good rules of thumb. If none of that helps and you have this dim view of dating web sites and yet feel guilty.... why not put something in your profile that says you rarely respond to messages, or something like that? If you need help with wording there are several folks you could ask (me included). Just send us an email and we'll get back to you! :laugh: (totally did not mean that sarcastically) Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 08:12 PM I sure don't have the problem of an overflowing inbox! I probably only get one or two messages per week, if that many. Sometimes I'll go for a couple weeks without getting any messages at all. Of course, that means that I can easily answer all of them in a reasonable amount of time. After all, 95% of them just get the "I don't think we would make a good match" response...the other 5% that I might be interested in, well, they usually don't bother to respond to my favorable reply to their messages! Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 08:12 PM Godslamb, thank you. I guess I was a little afraid someone might say that, because I would have to admit to being selfish, and only thinking only of my own feelings instead of others. But you are right, that's what I think I needed to hear. I might just not be ready quite yet. Haha, and yes twosparrows, I totally agree, I wish I could see it just like that. Post Reply
IaoKim View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 09:28 PM Usually I get disheartened and apathetic to online dating for almost the opposite reason. As a guy I do a lot more messaging than I do replying so when I put time and effort into writing a personal and meaningful message only to have it not read or worse yet have it read without the courtesy of a response or even a "not interested message." I do realize that a lot of the worth while girls on this site get bombarded with an overwhelming number of messages from creeps, scammers, etc. which makes it unduly hard -- on them to know or to find the messages that are actually worth replying! If only there were an easier way to filter out all the undesirables, inactives, and the people who aren't seriously trying to find someone to communicate and have a relationship (even a friendship) with. :prayingf: With each message, I find myself less and less motivated to send out personal and meaningful messages and results in me not messaging at all since a generic "hi, how are you." is almost never worth even that minimum amount of effort! Every now and then I will browse to see if there is anyone new that I am interested in striking up a conversation, but most of the time browsing just results in me looking through pages of faces and personalities of people that I am not interested in or people who ignored or stopped replying to my message. :rolleyes::laugh: It is hard to take online dating seriously especially on free sights that are filled with people who have become cold and cynical to the whole process. So most of the time I spend on here now is on the forums talking to all you good people! :waving: Message the new fish that have not yet become cynical to the process, it is your only hope! haha PS: Apparently one cannot type "hard" and "on" as separate words in a sentence . . . good to know :laugh: Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 11 May, 2011 10:16 PM LOL. IaoKim, you're so cool, I hope you never stop messaging people, or lose that hope. I agree, effort and kindness and reciprocation are huge parts of it. I don't know, haha. I worry I put too much pressure on myself to make just the right choice. It almost feels like I'm preparing myself for an interview, it's unnatural, I guess. Wish it was more relaxed and I wasn't second-guessing everything so much. It's making me a little crazy.:toomuch: Post Reply
View Profile History	Guilt. Posted : 12 May, 2011 10:02 AM MsMarvel, I like the new profile pic. I would've told you in a message, but I figured you'd have more time to see it here than in a message.:ROFL: Back to the question at hand, I feel the same as Iaokim. I send out messages and get few if any responses back. When women message me first, I try to respond unless I feel there is a reason to be suspicious of their intent (a potential scammer, lets say). I've come to the conclusion that the forums are the only reason to be here on this site. Post Reply

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