I often read profiles with comments like, "My children are the love of my life" or "My children are first in my life" or "I live for my children".
I am wondering how a person who thinks/states this is ready to let someone else into their life for a serious relationship or life partner. Do they plan to shift their alliances when they become engaged or married?
I believe, after God, the husband/wife should be 2nd (before any one's children). If a person is constantly putting the children before their spouse, I can't see any relationship surviving. Children are in a home for such a short time in compared to the length of a successful marriage. I also think that if the spouse is 2nd to God, that it makes for a very loving and peaceful home for the children.
To L. Adams. While you are entitled to your opinion, I believe most people would disagree with it. It seems that you have unresolved issues, - you DO seem angry and bitter. Your remarks are very insulting to all single mothers. Have you not noticed, that these single mothers are raising kids on their own because the male that it took to help create these kids is not around, and in many cases not even supporting their children? They have to take up the slack from absent fathers of their children, many of them holding full time jobs. Some of us even own our own homes and cars and have good credit. Can you say that? I doubt at this moment you could even handle raising a handful of children by yourself (which can be a full-time job in itself) run a household, work full time, make a mortgage payment on a nice house, pay the taxes on it; keep a decent car on the road, and keep up with paying house, car and health insurances ALL BY YOURSELF.
I hope that there are not little images of you running around and being brought up with your lack of respect for women.
I suggest that you consider finding a christian councilor to help you work through your issues, unless you plan to be alone for the rest of your life. I am saying this because Jesus wants us to help our brothers and sisters in their walk so they can have an abundant life, not be weighted down with unhealthy things.
That's definitely how it should be, husbands and wives should be closer to each other than they are to their children. There does seem to be a horrible rash of single parents nowadays, and it's probably only going to get worse. I was surprised how many single women my age already have children, sometimes multiple children. It definitely brings a lot of problems to the table in any new relationships, and personally I would have a lot of doubts about how well that would work out. It would take a unique pairing and a lot of God to make that kind of relationship work out well.
Now now, nobody forced these single moms to go marry jerks did they? Now that they're paying the price for making a bad decision and hitching up with the wrong guy, my question is why would any reasonable guy after that want to get involved and share the burdens and the emotional baggage that these relationships will include, when he can find a never married girl with no kids?
My credit is near perfect by the way, I own a great car, work full time, pay rent, take care of my parents and am completely debt-free. But thanks for asking. :winksmile: All things I would not have achieved of course if I had gotten involved with a vampiric single mom looking for a human atm machine. But nice try.
I'm sure it's much easier to pay your mortgage by the way with child support and alimony. Wonder if you could still manage that by getting a reall job?
By the way, it's spelled counselor, not councilor. I would think that at your age you would know how to spell, mmmmm?
Now if you'll pardon me, I think I'll go take my paid off SUV for a drive into the city and have an ice mocha coffee on me. :winksmile:
I turned 22 this year, am about to finish university with a degree in Computer Science (maybe a double). I have no debt, no children. I'm not on scholarship, my parents pay my way. We are not rich, but I am here by the grace of God.
I cannot boast in my intelligence because the grace of God is what literally brings me through every school year. It is what pays those bills that I do not have to worry about.
THE GRACE OF GOD IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW.
It is the reason I am where I am today. It is the only reason! I went through a number of trials. I failed some courses not because I was lazy, God told me that he wanted to humble me and show me what real success is. Not because I was puffed up, not because I thought I was at university because of my own doing... I never have. Never claimed to. But I believe it is for that very same reason why God humbled me the way he did. I would hate to ever sound like you! And I pray the God humbles me more because I never want to ever sound the way you do.
Right now I am dead broke. I have the privileged of calling home for money @ any time and having it the same or next day. But I will not! I believe I could have managed my money better and because of that I will make do with what I have. A guy owes me 380BD = 189.51 USD right now. We are good friends, we go out together along with a group of other friends. Should I pound down his door for it when I prayed about it and committed it to God already? Should I make an enemy over money which my heavenly father can provide without a problem? Should I label him as baggage because of his inopportunity to pay when I want or can I deduce that there is more to life than money and more to the body than clothes and make do with what I have?
I understand... It is my right to/my right not to/my choice... bla bla bla!
"Seven social sins: politics without principles, wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity, and WORSHIP WITHOUT SACRIFICE" -Ghandi
"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. The materialism of affluent Christian countries appears to contradict the claims of Jesus Christ that says it's not possible to worship both Mammon and God at the same time." -Ghandi
Wow! Yall over here cuttin' up. Linc, you are prideful, young and immature. Not judging your worth as a child of God, but I base my conclusion on the fruit that you are bearing. Pride comes b4 a fall and if you are born again, you will consider whether God is pleased with what you are saying to His other children. A fool judges others without having walked even 2 steps in their shoes. You may be in a blessed position right now, but you don't know where life will take you. You could get married to...
a childless woman, have children, God could call her home early and you would be the single parent praying someone would love you again and accept your kids. I know I've said some inflammatory things that may make you want to retaliate and I'm up to whatever verbal clash you deem necessary. Wisdom says take the rebuke and use it as a stepping stone to grow your fruit of the Spirit as well as your character as a man.
As for the topic, if all parties are naturally and spirtually mature, they fit right in to the family structure as if like someone else said, they have adopted them as own. I meet guys all day that are willing to do just that. I understand young ppl like Linc who want to start their own families without the added strings.
:prayingf: I have reread some of the post here.It is ok to disagree with somebody.It is how you disagree.When you say single women with childern are so bad. Can't get men, have nothing but failed relationships. Putting women who have kids in a lower bracket is not of God, friend. making rude hurtfull comments is not christ like.
We are to love all of Gods childern.We do not decide who is the ones who God favors.You are free to have a different view as long as you do not attack single mothers.
You could have said you want to marry a woman with no kids.
Because that is what you want.Instead you said all kinds of negative remarks about women who have kids.Are you able to admit that you crossed the line here?
Mr. Adams why do you think so many here do not like what you wrote.If I wrote what you did, I know it would be SIN.
I am far from perfect.One of the reasons my X left me was because I had a medical issue.Know do I say all women hate men with seizures? No, I am just as much a risk as a woman with kids. I am not perfect.You are not perfect.
I am a single father of three kids, that I have full custody of. I do recieve child support and other types of assistance because of my situation. I am in a unique position most men are not.
I would say that most women that state in their profile that their child/children are first in their life do not have a healthy perspective, or perhaps are not mature in enough in God to state it otherwise. I know the concerns single mothers have, because I share them. However, I find that raising their healthy functioning children is usally not the issue, but the single mom herself, and trying to blend the family.
@ Lincoln I am not against you, and I understand where you are coming from, however if you do not learn to love the most vile of women with the same love Christ showes them, you MIGHT end up where I am, perhaps w/o custodial parent status, because it was that lack of agape love on my part that deterioated my marriage. And, even though I am justified in remarrying her, because I married an unbeliever unbeknowst to me (1 Cor 7:10) it would have been better to obey my Lord (pick a scripture..Eph 5:25)
