Ladies and Gentlemen, I�d like to share with you an amazing concept about marriage and the process of choosing your marriage partner. It�s amazing to me that � of marriages are ending in divorce, for whatever reason, and we could debate it all day long and still come up frustrated. The reality is that marriage is under attack and someone has to search out an answer. Here is the reality; many people don�t allow God to pick out their mates, and we have a major epidemic of improper dating and courting. It�s amazing to me how careless some are when it comes to the selection of their mate. Friends, who you marry does matter and it�s the second greatest decision of your entire life. There isn�t a decision that is more important to you except your decision to serve God. Life has enough challenges and pressures that you don�t want to add to by marrying the person you were never meant to marry. I�ve heard it said, and I agree 110%, that it�s much better to stay single than to marry the wrong person. I�d really like to let loose and express my views about dating, courtship, marriage, and divorce. However, I�ll stay with the focus of this blog today and that is for you to take a deep breath and let God choose your mate for you. I realize that the extremely practical people will say, �Come on Matt, you can�t expect God to do it all for you.� In fact, I used to be the one that said, �Yeah, but the Bible says, �He that finds a wife, finds a good thing.� You have to find who you are supposed to marry and spend your life with. While that may be true and accurate, we can�t ignore the fact that God put Adam to sleep and created his wife for him. What was Adam doing at that time in his life? Adam was busy doing what God wanted him to do with his life.
What can we learn from Adam and Eve? Well, God does care about your loneliness and has somebody for you. However, you have to learn to be content where you are and rely on God�s perfect timing. What did Adam do to get Eve? Nothing at all; God put him to sleep, he woke up, and his soul mate was lying right next to him. While that isn�t going to happen exactly like that for us, God will make sure that your path crosses with the person you are suppose to marry.
God knows what He is doing and will prepare your mate for you. You can�t allow yourself to have such low self esteem that causes you to believe that you will never find anybody. There is somebody for everyone. God has a purpose and plan for your life. God wants you to be happy and have a blissfully, abundant, joyful, sensational, exhilarating, passionate, and blessed marriage. God wants you to enjoy your spouse and have the love of a lifetime. God wants you to have a relationship with the opposite sex and enjoy the beauty of a man and woman coming together.
We need some serious help if we believe that homosexuality and lesbianism is normal. God never intended for men to fall in love with other men or ladies to fall in love with other ladies. It�s simply not the will of God, nor is it normal. God fully intended for a man to enjoy a lady and for a lady to enjoy her man. If you are struggling with crazy thoughts of falling in love with a lady and you are a lady, then you need to go on a 21 day fast until God renews your mind. The same will apply if you are man struggling with your sexual identity. Is it alright for me to get on the loud speaker today and say, �Men and women coming together is normal, healthy, and right.�? There are only a select few who are destined to be single; however, most people are designed to be in a marriage relationship. It was God who said, �It is not good for a man to be alone, I will create a helpmate for him.� God does have a helpmate for you and will bring them into your life when the time is right and you are ready.
Your responsibility is to enjoy your singlehood and prepare yourself to be the best husband or wife you can be. Your responsibility is not to find the right person, rather to go become the right person. You should be enjoying your singlehood and using that time to discover your purpose, passion, calling, and dreams. You should use your single time as a blessing to work hard, save money, and prepare yourself for an amazing future. You should focus on becoming the best person that you can be, working out, establishing healthy habits, and focusing on looking the very best you can look for your own self worth�s sake. I�m concerned about all these people who are not prepared as they go into a marriage. It�s going to only create problems for you in the future if you don�t wait on God and prepare yourself. Every single person should be reading books about relationships and marriage. As a pastor, my question that I ask every couple seeking marriage is, �Have you read the book His Needs, Her Needs?� If not, you are not even close to being ready for marriage. I am convinced that every single young man and single young lady should have read at least 12-15 books about marriage before they even think about saying, �I do.� The healthiest marriages only happen with people who are whole and prepared for what lies ahead.
James Dobson suggests that a courting couple should communicate at least 1,000 hours before engagement, and I�ll have to whole heartedly agree with Mr. Dobson. It�s wise to take the time to really get to know someone before you get physical. Ouch, did I just say that? Is it really important to go as long as you can without getting physical? Absolutely, your first kiss should mean something, and the longer you can wait the more intimate your relationship will be. Too many relationships are only built off lust and physical connection. How many marriages have you seen where just by a look in the eye or a facial expression, the other spouse knew what the other was thinking or feeling? Why? It�s because there is an emotional and spiritual connection. Couples that only are connected physically will have major problems in the early years of their marriage. You should take the time to really get to know someone before you kiss them or get physical; your relationship will be so much healthier. While we may have all blown it here and gotten more physical than we should have, I�d like to encourage you to slam on the brakes, put your car in reverse, turn around, and get on the right road. God is merciful and does allow U turns. It�s important that you turn around, starting right now, and reserve your physical passion for marriage.
If you will relax and let God prepare you and your future spouse, then you will not have to worry about marrying the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. You would be very wise to stop worrying about who you are going to marry and just start living life to the fullest right now. Let God heal you and make you the best husband or wife in the world. In a perfect world there would be no sexual abuse, mistakes, rejection, cheating, divorce, or sexual scars. However, the world that I live in and the people that live in this world have been scarred by sexual immorality, past or sadly a divorce. It�s vitally important that you become healed and whole from whatever scar or bad relationship you had in the past. People that are continually jumping from one relationship to another are simply not wise. It�s dangerous to enter another relationship if you are not healed from your past or previous broken relationships.
As you can tell, there is a lot to cover when you start talking about relationships and marriage. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. God is bigger than your past. While you may have scars and consequences of your past, it doesn�t have to dictate your future happiness. God is a good God and will give mercy to His people. You have a bright future and God is going to send your lifetime companion to you when the time is right. Just go to sleep and let God pick your mate out for you.
Walter, our choices fall within the sovereignty of God. God's sovereignty overrules our choices and the choices that we make lie within His sovereignty.
Thanks for posting this yet so powerful message on searhing for a soulmate. The entireity of this message was a blessing to me and assured me that God is working on my behalf. There is no need to worry or fret just take a peacful rest and God is going to grant me with my perfect mate. I definitley will share this message around because there are a lot of single men and woman out there that's need's this message. Thanks again.
Thanks for posting this yet so powerful message on searhing for a soulmate. The entireity of this message was a blessing to me and assured me that God is working on my behalf. There is no need to worry or fret just take a peacful rest and God is going to grant me with my perfect mate. I definitley will share this message around because there are a lot of single men and woman out there that's need's this message. Thanks again.
A good read.. Though i would agree with some. And take exception to some parts as well...
As we have a part to play as well. If we do nothing and expect god to do it all. Nothing is going to happen. It is almost like chess. God makes a move then waits for us to make a move. If we don't and are waiting and waiting saying god what the deal. He could be saying waiting on you... Make a step then i'll do the next move. God will never bypass anyone's will. Yours or their's
If i do nothing in preparation at my end. Like he said get heal etc.. I will be waiting along time. But if i do not make a move. God has nothing to work with... Can you steer a parked car? Pretty hard ehh. Get it moving and much easier to guide..
Faith,trust, rest Faith works by love Galatians.. Faith is dead with no works James 2 But faith is a rest. resting on god's promises. But it is active to...
So to take a step with a profile online. And be vigilante to look inside to check your motive. As well as any prospects you may come across. You may knock on a few closed doors. Or may find one open :)) Wait and see maybe he may say take it off. As the one for you is where you are...
First of all, let me just say WOW! Thank you, Travis, for sharing this deep insight. Even though you haven't written it yourself, I really appreciate that you took the time and effort to do some research on the matter, and share it with the rest of us! :) Very rarely these days can we find a piece of writing that we can WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with. I honestly don't think I would change a single word; it�s so truthfully and masterfully written! I like that the author encourages us to read and confirm things for ourselves ... not just "take my word for it" ... very wise indeed. And the fact that James Dobson is used as a reference just solidifies that this is really good stuff! Dr. Dobson is probably one the the MOST trusted and respected names the WORLD OVER ... teaching us how couples and families should be living in accordance with God's Word!
Now then, let's move on to the "nitty-gritty," shall we? ;) I feel more than a little convicted to reply to what one beloved brother has written, who I sincerely do not wish to single out. (Although sometimes a rebuke comes in many forms, it should always be delivered out of love and consideration). I DO, however, wish to help clarify some very important things ... not only for him, but other readers as well that may read what he has written below, and allow misconception to take root. :)
Okay. So we are talking about finding "our perfect mate" here. Not just a nice person ... not just someone we're compatible with ... not just a pretty face ... not just a great personality ... not even all these things and more combined. We are referring to "the one" that not only makes our lives better, but makes us WHOLE. I'd like to start by asking you to ponder this question:
Doesn't the Lord already know those of us who will be saved? Paul writes in Roman 9:21, does not the Potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor? (Read all of Romans Chapter 9 to further confirm this). Yes, we all have free will. We all make our own choices. But God knows ahead of time what we will do with that free will. So then, if He still has a perfect plan for our lives, wouldn't it hold true that, in this perfect plan of His, He has included whether or not we are to have a perfect mate? Keep in mind now, that we are actually talking about believers here, not the "general public at large." Although God's laws apply to everyone (hence the coming wrath), it's His mercy and His grace and His forgiveness that have been given as gifts to those who call Jesus Christ Lord and Savior. (So a simple "numbers game" of the masses, the collective population of the world, really doesn't apply here anyway). Although God does have specific plans for believers and non-believers alike, let us for the moment focus on what God wants for the Christian.
So we know it's true that God has a perfect plan for our lives. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). Wouldn't it also hold true that He has determined whether or not we are meant to be with someone else? To think that God has a perfect plan for us, WITHOUT actually including such matters regarding a perfect mate in there somewhere, really seems quite silly ... doesn't it?! I mean, think about this for a moment. How can an All-Powerful, All-Knowing God just leave out such a HUUUUUUUUUGE detail!?
Verily, I, the LORD your God, sayeth unto thee dudes, "I have plans to prosper you ... but man you're on your own coming up with a wife! I mean, come on, man. It's only like the SECOND most important choice you'll EVER make. And I already helped you find my Son Jesus. Go find a girl by yourself!"
NO WAY! Of course, this is utterly ABSURD! The plan is only perfect if EVERY aspect of the plan is perfect! (And let's face it, guys ... many of us are NOT clever enough to do this on our own! We NEED God's help at the very CORE of this very important decision)!! :)
I think we can all agree that, whether we're meant to be with someone or not, God wants and expects us to follow HIS will for our lives ... to obey HIS prompting ... to go where HE leads. And whether that's with or without a suitable helper, we are still called to do everything for HIS glory! The truth is, God HAS chosen those who are meant to remain single, just as He has chosen those of us who are meant to someday enter the bonds of holy matrimony. The ONLY logical and wise conclusion, therefore, MUST BE that God has also chosen exactly WHO this person should be. Let's really look closely at scripture here:
20 ... But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:20-24, NIV).
Let's truly examine these lines of scripture with greater discernment. Look at the phrase at the beginning of verse 24 - "For this reason." The word "reason" is ripe with PURPOSE! What reason, what purpose, is being referred to here? Let's study the previous verses. No suitable helper ... the LORD God MADE a woman ... and he BROUGHT her to the man ... the man said, " ... she shall be called 'woman' ... taken out of man". Okay, so then the purpose is God creating our suitable helper ... our perfect match. Now, here's the point I want to NAIL home. The word "this" is EXCLUSIVE! For THIS reason! Not for this and that and many other reasons. Not for whatever you FEEL like doing, whomever you FEEL like marrying. NO! Paraphrasing verse 24 here, we can ONLY conclude that for THIS ONE REASON ONLY a person will marry. God is spelling out His perfect marriage plan to us! He is telling us DIRECTLY what He plans to do for us regarding a marriage partner, if we just wait patiently for His timing! And, NO ... it does NOT mean we have to sit at home and twiddle our thumbs waiting for someone to fall out of the heavens ... God did allow us these modern technologies to HELP us carry out His will. So, YES ... by all means USE the internet! Don�t use it as a crutch. Don�t use it as a shortcut. Don�t use it in PLACE OF God. DO use in UNISON WITH God ... as one of many instruments He has given. (Sorry guys ... we men STILL have to do some work! Our wives are not necessarily going to fall into our arms without a little EFFORT on our parts)! ;)
Now, this scripture obviously does NOT say that God has made "someone for everyone." But, for those of us who know we ARE meant to be with someone, it DOES clearly state that God DOES have someone that He has MADE, and He will BRING at the proper time! Furthermore, He is telling us that this is the ONLY way He desires for us to meet our true mate. But, it is WE who mess this up. It is with our free will that WE chose to either submit to God, and follow His leading on this ... or do our "own thing" (sometimes even believing that they are the same thing). "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8, NIV). Any time we take someone to be our lawfully wedded husband / wife by any means that does not rely solely (and soul-ly) on God, we are taking a BIG GAMBLE! In many cases, we are merely walking into a relationship (and a lifetime of problems) that simply wasn't part of God's original, perfect plan! It is in our free will, mixed with our own misconceptions, interpretations, and straight-up lack of intimacy and closeness with our Father (not praying, not reading our Bibles, not worshipping, not fellowshipping) that WE begin to doubt this and lose sight of what can be the ONLY truth. The only place in the Bible that really spells out God's ORIGINAL plan for us in this matter (when we were truly walking with God in complete unity) is early Genesis ... before the "fall" and original sin. Everything else - yes EVERYTHING - in the Bible from that point on is basically God instructing us on how we are SUPPOSED to live ... and how we more or less keep messing it up famously! Whenever we start thinking that we know what's best for us ... well ... red lights should flash brightly and loud sirens should wail! ;)
Now, if God has a plan for each one of us, then that plan simply MUST include (among many other intricate facets) whether or not we are meant to be with someone. If then, we know His plan IS this detailed, and ALL things are covered in this plan, doesn't it stand to reason that He has also determined WHO this person should be? If, on the other hand (remembering His plan is far more specific than we can ever possibly imagine) for those who have been chosen to live single, then by all means praise God for His chosen path for your life! I'm not denying the fact that some Christians ARE meant to go through this life single, and, just as Paul did, commit their full attention to serving God in a different capacity than married couples do. But I've also seen first-hand that some people, BELIEVING that God wants them to remain alone have made that choice to remain single on their OWN ... not really as a result of what God has said. This is very sad and very unfortunate. They have simply, to put it bluntly, given up! They are missing out on what God originally had in store for them! (Again, this is our free will mixed with misconceptions).
So, from a practical standpoint, what do we do? First, we need to establish what the Lord wants for us. "Does God want me to marry?" Trying to move any further forward, without having this important question answered, is not only a waste of your time ... it's DANGEROUS! Moving "full steam ahead" is GREAT on a train track God has laid out for us. It's not so great if the track is one we've laid out for ourselves and has become terribly damaged up ahead. Even though, for the majority of Christians the answer may be yes, do you know for sure that the answer is yes ... for YOU? Do you continue to struggle to know the answer? DIG IN DEEP, my friend, in your relationship with the Lord. Get to know your Father BETTER, and He will reveal more of His plan to you. 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded (James 4:7-8, NIV). Open up that Bible a little more often. Increase quality prayer time. Maybe ("God forbid") even FAST for a period of time and weaken you physical body a bit to really open yourself up to relying on God's spiritual nourishment! ;) And genuinely LISTEN to what God has to say! :) If you can then honestly say God has answered, "Yes. I have chosen someone to be your suitable helper," then DIG IN EVEN DEEPER to ask Him WHO He has chosen for you ... and be PATIENT in waiting for the answer. Remember ... God's plan, God's timing! ;) And we always need to also keep in mind that, while we are waiting FOR God's answers, we can still be waiting ON God by serving others in His name!! :)
Praise be to our God and Father in Heaven! I thank Him that He is a "hands-on" God! I'm not going to quote scripture here, because the evidence in the Bible to support this is UNDENIABLE. From God forming Adam out of the mud, to creating Eve out of Adam, and the multiple times Jesus laid His hands on people to heal them, it is abundantly clear that He is NOT about creating a "partially perfect plan." If His hand is on our lives in one area, it's available in ALL areas!
To those who may still be doubting God's "hands-on" approach to your perfect mate, please just keep asking yourself, "If God truly knows me intimately and completely, and already knows EVERY breath I'm going to take in this life, wouldn't He also know who is meant to 'take my breath away'?"
Peace be with you all, my dear brothers and sisters. If you are here, already KNOWING beyond any doubt that you are meant to find true love, then it is NOT a false hope ... it is a REAL HOPE to expect God will deliver on His promises! And if you rely on God every step of the way, then you WILL one day meet your special someone! It's clearly written in His Word! Yeah, that's right ... I'm CLAAAAIMING IT, IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!!!!
