Talks about how a "Christian" man should be to his wife as Head. What does Head of wife really mean, some should read this Scripture it might Prevent all these Divorces that "Christian" men's wives get from them.
I took some time to read everyone's post on this thread and i thought i should say something;
First, BOB i should say that your posts were good but about 80% of your response(the way you brought it out) was rude! really rude! from your very first post...I mean I thought we are Christians and we are supposed to advice one another with love. It would have been much better if you attacked the thought NOT the individual,sex or whatever.
Secondly, Exceeding i appreciate your concern and i loved your responses though they also were personal. But I am a little confused. did you mean to say that Christian men or men generally are the source of divorce? don't women start this up?
Thank you for your feedback. Feel free to email me privately and I will be happy to discuss my motivations with you further. I really do not wish to carry on with this thread as I said above.
For public record, I probably should have taken up my last point about the divorced folks here who offer so much marriage advice on a new thread. It was really an entirely separate thought. I think that part comes off as rude as a result. For that, I apologize.
I appreciate what Exceeding Joy is doing. This thread is open to whatever a person might have on their heart.
I wish we all can accept that their is no innocent party in divorce. Both Husbands and wives end up in divorce because we are both guilty of rejecting the other and not providing what the other needed.
Can we see that????
In my case I was the divorcee and not the one filing. In fact she went to a state where I didnt even have to sign so not divorcing was not even an option for me.
But none the less I was guilty........
Until we get off our high and mighty horses saying our spouse did this and that and really,,, I nean really take personal assessment to our own guilt and we have much we will continue our pattern of reacting to eachother.
I hear women telling me I loved my husband but did you love him how or respect him how he needed? If you asked him I know he would say no.
Men say I loved my wife. Did you love her men like she needed? If you were to ask her I bet she would say no.
I guess I am the only guilty one here and everyone else has nothing to repent over.
A jealous wife or husband that is controlling can push a spouse into adultry believe it of not.
A undermining wife or husband can cause a spouse to grow cold and complacent.
A emotionally unhealthy wife or husband who is afraid to speak up can cause frustration and distance with their spouse and even bring out violence.
A wife or husband who is always negitive and pointing the finger can make a spouse feel worthless and bring out violence.
A wife or husband who takes the positive and turns it around to be a negitive can cause a spouse to loose heart and give up and bring out violence.
The list can go on and on........
These are real life issues that I know we all are guilty of and I hope these things I point at all of us will have an impact on some here.
Blanket statements can be so dangerous and hurtful. You don't "know" all these things as facts. You are speaking from your personal experience about an unhealthy relationship.
Just because someone on here is divorced does not mean that they have not repented before God for their part in the unhealthiness of the marriage, nor that they did not try to make things work. If they have repented before God, they do not have to repent before you. When the bible says to confess our sins to one another that we may be healed, it does not mean to continue to confess past sins that have been forgiven. Wouldn't you agree?
On another matter, I have grave concern about your excuses for violence. All these factors are external factors and are centered on human reliance on other humans to make them happy and feel fulfilled and validated. As you know, this is not the core of a reborn, repentant child of God. Our source, as you pointed out in another post, is God himself and not humans, whether we married them or not! It may feel good when we have people around us who make us feel happier, useful, and validated, but that is not the bulk of our worthiness! Our choice to use violence to answer a need not being fulfilled is indication for someone seriously needing some anger management councelling! Whether that violence is with a fist or with hurtful words, the source for that anger comes from inside the person delivering it, not the people around them no matter how hurtful or disappointing they may be!!!
Prayerfully hoping God can speak to you through this word,
While I don�t disagree that, in this world, most divorces are the result of hard hearts, Jesus himself drew a particular line concerning what must be tolerated and/or worked on and at what point you can call it quits without condemnation. Sometimes, as you know, the partner is just unwilling to repent, ... and even though we must forgive, Jesus did not urge the non-adulterous partner to trust again. Even so, even adultery can be repented of and forgiven if both parties earnestly desire to work on the issues and rebuild a stronger marriage!
For the sake of your �prophetic ministry� perhaps you need to hear a different perspective that will help you drop the need to include the phrases �we all are guilty� of rejecting/sinning/being cold, etc, which seem to be based primarily on your own experience.
My husband was training for the ministry when we got married, 30 years ago. He quit his studies immediately after the wedding as he had �won his prize�. He had his first affair within three months of the wedding date, and went on to have 11 more (that I am aware of), plus indulging in some �hired help�, all despite my active interest in our marital relationships, my encouraging him in his life pursuits and interests and continual support (emotionally, physically, spiritually & financially). I was the sole income earner through half of our years together while he sat on the couch, played hockey or invited our neighbourhood ladies in while I was at work. Three years in we had a baby, which he was angry about because he didn�t want to be a dad, despite making plans to do so. In the last year a friend got him a job, through which he found his next affair. In the 4 months I knew it was going on I tried to get us to counselling, was looking diligently after making sure I was attractive to him, warmed his frozen truck in the morning, packed his lunch, took our child to daycare and went to work, zoomed home before him, cleaned the house, and had his favourite dinner ready for him on the coffee table so he could watch his hockey game, took his coat and washed his feet (yes, literally) ... doing everything I could possibly humanly do to honour him, besides also falling prostrate on my face before the Lord begging Him to work on the heart of my husband and open his eyes. He told me it was over between the two of them, but after several all-nighters I eventually caught them red-handed and drew the line and told him to move out. He told me I was too good for him. (He still says this). He moved in with her, still insisting that there was nothing going on, and I continued to sit hand in hand with him during his child-visits and seek reconciliation. After a year of crying to God and praying, I finally got him to admit that he was sleeping with her (duh!) and I asked him to just stop lying and let me go! They were together 13 years and he had many affairs on her, one of which he left her for and married (and then beat her) and is married now a 4th time. The lady I had caught him with eventually committed suicide.
The Lord has taught me SO much about forgiveness and releasing the other person, and looking closely on where I had failed. I was a baby Christian when I married him and, looking back, the Lord was trying to warn me not to marry him. But I was so enthralled by this world-wise, charming man who seemed to echo my love for the Lord (which is why he took up �training� for the ministry � same thing he did for wife #3). While I would never say that I was perfect (and though I will continue to strive, know I will never be perfect, this side of heaven), my greatest sin was to follow my pounding heart instead of the whisper of my loving Lord. I truly don�t know anything more I could have done to save the marriage.
All that being said to ask you to please change your �all� to �some�! We are not ALL in that boat.
"Black women are not godly,some think they are:laugh:"
BOB
What about that statement? It is general i understand BUT i am not the only black woman anyways and so I cannot speak up for the whole African Continent...lol Besides it is pointless to respond because That is just a statement! how do you want me to react? defend/justify African women? Nope! The best i could do is ignore after all, who on earth has any right to judge anyone basing on spiritual/godly issues? secondly, if i must respond, i would first find out if the person who made such a statement is a christian and if i confirmed that, i would ask them why they think so? May be they carried out a research....lol
