Author	Thread: Choice vs. Feeling
Admin	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 03:11 AM Which do you think comes first, choosing to love someone, or the feeling of love? Do you feel love because of someone�s actions, or do you choose to show love because you feel like it? Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 04:15 PM You are right - my answer was confusing. I was going with my "feelings" when I answered 2Sp makes a couple of good points, also. Very few Americans will experience arranged marriages, however, so we just have to muddle through as best we can. I also have known people who had arranged marriages they were very unhappy in, so it is no guarantee either. Only trusting in God is a guarantee. Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 08:01 PM The feeling. You encounter someone that strikes your soul and then you want to know more about them. The feeling prompts the action. It is silly to conflate romantic love with agape; the two do have some commonalities, but the effects are different. If I love my brother in Christ, I sure don't want to be smooching him. God gave us emotions. To demean them as capricious transitory things as if they were indigestion or something is as foolish as ignoring your stomach when it says, "I'm hungry" or "Don't you eat that again." Long-term love is emotional; it is also a choice -- a choice to keep going even when your wife is cranky, even when the bills are due, even when you're being awoken by a child with a nightmare. But you certainly do not make a choice to love romantically without feeling some impetus to love, first; if you do, you are a robot. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 09:03 PM I agree with SilverFire, and since he said it so well, I have nothing to add =) Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 09:38 PM Measureable results say different . Nor do I demean romantic love based on feelings. I merely point out : That is not where the real power is; the power it takes to keep a relationship together. And that is why there are so many divorces : because it is they base their relationship entirely on emotion and feelings with no agape. Those who only follow their emotions and feelings are slaves to their flesh. Flesh will not inherit the Kingdom. * If you want a Kingdom relationship then you have to play by Kingdom rules and you will reap Kingdom benefits. If you choose to follow your flesh you will reap the temporary benefits of the flesh. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 10:18 PM Two, I understand where you're coming from, but to err too far to the extreme in either direction, whether deciding only on paper or only on feelings, is just asking for disaster. Feelings precede choice, but both must be present. Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Far more importantly though, for a marriage to have a chance at lasting, both people have to remain firmly and deeply rooted in Christ. How many men do you really think cheat on their wives when they have an active prayer life and regular, daily time in the Word? Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 8 Dec, 2010 03:54 AM Tulip, I agree with you that things shouldn�t be pushed too far one way or the other. But, I am also not saying that love is only a choice, the we simply plod though life simply because we have to. What I am saying is that the feeling of love is a consequence, or outcome of choosing to love someone. We feel love because of the actions of someone else. Silverfire, I also agree with you, feelings are very important, I am not saying we should throw them out. Tulip, you are also correct that being firmly rooted in Christ is important. And what does the Bible state about marriage, that we need to choose to do those things to please our spouses. 1 Corinthians 7:33-34 (NASB) 33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 � but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I think if you look at scripture you will see that there is one command after another to love our wives or our husbands not matter how one feels. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 8 Dec, 2010 05:11 AM Oh, and GodsLamb, I am not trying to advocate arraigned marriages. I don�t think any one SYSTEM of marriage or the other is more conducive to a better marriage than the other. Even in an arraigned marriage the couple can choose not to love each other. But, in an arraigned marriage it is generally understood up front that they will need to work at the marriage instead of just depending on their feelings. BC, I too wish to truly love someone is the same way that your parents loved each other. It sounds to me like your mother made a wise decision to not let perfection stand in the way of a good thing. That certainly is a very attractive quality. And that is kinda my point, when we are looking for that special someone, too many of us �want it all�. There are many aspects of true love that simply take time to build, and that can really only be inside the context of marriage. If you can find someone that meets all your desires, that�s great. But if you keep struggling at it year after year, maybe it�s time to start thinking about your �must haves� in a marriage partner. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 8 Dec, 2010 05:59 AM @Tulip When walking a horse who continually veers to one side of the path you pull him to the other side, not so he will walk on the other side, but so he will walk in the middle. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 8 Dec, 2010 06:27 AM Well this girl certainly does not "want it all"! I don't have it all, so how can I expect to give someone "all"? I am not perfect and don't expect my future husband to be. But Cobbler, your comment: "But, in an arraigned marriage it is generally understood up front that they will need to work at the marriage instead of just depending on their feelings." is very interesting to me. Why do you say that? I am not arguing; I honestly am curious. Is it because arranged marriages are made the most often outside the US, where divorce is often not as readily easy or accepted? Or for some other reason? Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 8 Dec, 2010 06:51 AM Godslamb. In an arraigned marriage you don�t marry someone because you have feelings of love for them, it normally is because you are expected to marry the other. My point is that you generally know up front that you can�t use your feelings to carry you through the hard times, you have to choose to learn to love each other. Ultimately in any marriage situation you have to choose to love each other through the hard times. It is just that in the European style of dating and marriage, most people focus so much on the feelings that they don�t realize that true love takes work. Oh, and the reason why most arraigned marriages don�t end in divorce has more to do with the culture against divorce in those countries than with the way the marriage came about. Divorce in the US was low until the stigma of divorce was taken away. Now that there is no real down side to divorce from societies point of view, there is no real reason to stick around and make a marriage work. Post Reply

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