Author	Thread: Long Distance Relationships
Admin	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 23 Sep, 2010 11:40 AM With the advent of internet dating sites came access to meeting potential partners from all over the world. Even if you limit your search to people in your own country/region/state, odds are still good that if two people develop an interest in each other, they are going to live a distance apart. During my time on sites, I've made friends, both male and female, from all over the world. Many of them have attempted to develop long distance relationships both nationally and internationally.. Even after months of communication, a majority of them have failed...with distance being a huge factor...at great heartache to both. What advice/thoughts would you give to people to successfully navigate a long distance relationship...success not necessarily meaning that they get married, but how do they successfully investigate the potential with a minimum amount of heartache/damage to both? Thanks in advance for the replies. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 09:23 AM RE: love languages We discussed it on here back in May actually: http://www.christiandatingforfree.com/forum/forum_details.php?topic_id=5386&forum_sub_cat_id=9&start=0 But it wasn't a very in-depth discussion. Somebody should start a topic about it, as it could be good to discuss it more. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 09:44 AM Silverfire is right on the money. The longer time frame we dont' meet, the more our imagination fills in the blank spots. We can create an illusion who we are chatting with. The info I've read online, said physical meeting should happen within a month because of the forementioned. Not that I follow that guideline though, because fact being, that two busy people that live hundreds of miles away from each other are going to have alot of planning to do to even meet for first time. Also, internet is pretty cool screening tool, I prefer to not meet in that short of time frame, because most of these people on here aren't even very serious about alot of the similar ideas they have with me. Its more idealistic thoughts that never come to fruitation, so I am able to weed them out before waste a bunch of money on a worthless adventure. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 10:06 AM Be honest and have fun getting to know each other. Not too heavy. Not too light. Keep in mind the foundation that it is being built on. Also remember that the other person has their own life, their own circumstances, and their own happiness. Meaning if they can't or don't want to keep it going, then that is fair and you should keep prepared for that. Don't get too attached until you know you understand each other and even then be careful until you get closer (physically). I used to say don't do long distance, but I changed my mind because now I'm in one. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 01:39 PM I agree that not meeting can make each person fill in the blank spots about the other person. The first person I met in person after talking online for a while (a few weeks) was nothing like I expected. Oh, he looked just like I thought he would based on his pictures, and we'd talked on the phone so he sounded like I thought he would. But his personality was quite different in person. I had to get used to the "new" guy. I liked the "new" guy ok, and we did date for a few months. On the other hand, I got lucky when I met another long-distance friend (I wouldn't call it a long-distance relationship in the romantic sense, so I guess it's different). In spite of our online-only communication (very little of which was via video chat), he looked, sounded, and acted exactly like I imagined. We hadn't even talked on the telephone for more than the 10 minutes it took to work out the logistics of meeting. I felt like I was meeting an old friend, not an online acquaintance. It was really nice. On the topic of long distance relationships as a whole, I think that it's much easier if the people meet in person first, strike up a long distance friendship based on that meeting, and then take that friendship to a romantic relationship. That's what my parents did. I personally do not think that I could consider myself "in a relationship" with someone that I've never met. That's just me, though...everyone's different. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 26 Sep, 2010 10:07 AM Yeah I think in a normal relationship there is when you first meet transitions to getting to know each other transitions to steadiness. In a long distance one there is an extra transition from meeting and getting to know each other online to meeting and getting to know each other in real life. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 26 Sep, 2010 05:57 PM Thank you all for the responses. :applause: Relationships do take work whether the are long distance or right next door. One difficulty that I can see in LDR is the ability to see the interaction of a potential partner with other people...friends, family...the waitress in the restaurant. Email/telephone calls can be rather insular if not careful. That's actually one of the great benefits of a forum...it can give greater insight into how someone relates to other people and not only someone they are courting as a potential mate. Post Reply
Nocom View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 27 Sep, 2010 01:48 AM I believe that long distance relationship can be difficult, but not impossible. I am very positive about it, also because 2 of my best friends found their spouse this way. One of them met a girl from Africa, the other in US. (I am from Denmark). And from my point of view it can be just as good as if you live in the neighborhood. We live in another time and age than we did just few years ago. And if people are different than they appears on the web, it just show that they are not serious enough. I am looking for my soul mate, and ant her to know me totally. And of course I can't know her good enough before we meet for real. But we can get a long way by chatting/mailing/skype. Why limit our self? Then if it turned out that we are serious about each other, we would meet, to get to know for real. I for an example, travel a lot to the states. It is not that big issue to take a plane to the states. I find it sometimes strange and confusing, when I see a sweet girl in here, and i try to send her a message and gets the message: "Must live in US". But maybe that's just me? I believe that if we are totally honest and want to get the right spouse for the rest of our life, we will be honest and tell exactly what is in our heart. anything else would be stupid. Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 27 Sep, 2010 02:12 PM Good point Handiwork!!! Coming out of an abusive marriage with pathological deceit, I am hypervigilante about people being who they say they are. In cyberspace, you can be anyone you want. I recommend, on this site at least, if someone participates in the forums, go back and read their post history, make sure all of their posts are consistent and don't contradict each other. Google, Facebook, etc. anything you can to find as much info as possible about that person. Many sites recommend you do background checks. I've had a couple of guys say they wanted to meet, one backed out with weird excuses. They other I told that I wasn't willing to meet him for the first time by myself...I never heard from him again. I am a big proponent of healthy and safe boundaries. If someone is truly interested in you, they will respect your boundaries and want you to be comfortable with them and the relationship. My beau and I started out with the understanding that this was an "exploration" of whether we were compatible and whether a relationship between us was God's will. DON'T GET IN A HURRY! We tried to meet sooner than we did, but the delay was due to his business schedule and my health. IMO, until we met in person, it didn't matter how much I thought I liked him, he was still a virtual human and not a real person. I can't have a relationship with a virtual person. The webcam did help a lot! We've eaten some meals together. I've met his parents via webcam. When we did meet he was who I thought he was and I saw a side of him that I hadn't seen before, but am blessed that I liked that side too. I'm blessed that I have the ablility to leave home for a week at a time and will be going to his home town for extended stays. That is the only way to find out who he is after work and around his friends. I'm not "worried." It's just something I need to learn about him. I need to have a "real" perspective and not a fantasy one. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 27 Sep, 2010 02:42 PM Some very good point, SpringRose...thank you. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 27 Sep, 2010 06:05 PM To all those who want to know about me. I am funny. I can be sarcastic. I do not like to see women getting abused and have a bad habit of mouthing off to guys who treat women rudely. Now, that does get me into trouble. I like sleeping with my 4 cats, they keep me warm at night. hey, no woman to keep me warm so I have pets.:ROFL: Yes, I have 4 cats now.Driscoll is my newest cat.I got him from work.He is deaf. I would walk by him everyday and see him.He would reach out his paws to be held and I would. The people who had adapted him brought him back in May.they did not like him.they brought him back infested with fleas. After that he became my buddy. I love my trains.Just visit my profile.So, do oyu think a long distance relationship is possible.Oh, I wrote this in response to the post that Rose wrote. Dennis Post Reply

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