I often read profiles with comments like, "My children are the love of my life" or "My children are first in my life" or "I live for my children".
I am wondering how a person who thinks/states this is ready to let someone else into their life for a serious relationship or life partner. Do they plan to shift their alliances when they become engaged or married?
I believe, after God, the husband/wife should be 2nd (before any one's children). If a person is constantly putting the children before their spouse, I can't see any relationship surviving. Children are in a home for such a short time in compared to the length of a successful marriage. I also think that if the spouse is 2nd to God, that it makes for a very loving and peaceful home for the children.
I said bitter because bitter is what I read and bitter is what I hear in my head as I read your words. Lots and lots of bitterness. And anger.
I respect your experience in family court. I have none.
I respect your right to your opinions, and stating them here in the forums.
I believe you are making blanket statements based on a tiny window you have into the very worst side of parenting. Your world could use some curtain opening onto other windows that can show you the joys and blessing that children - ANY children - can and do bring. Have you considered getting a new job? Based on your posts, the one you have sounds as if it is making you unhappy.
I am a single mother. My child comes right after God in my life. I was given a choice by her biological father when I found out I was pregnant. Him or the baby...he wanted me to have an abortion. Kill an innocent child or leave an abusive man...hmm hard choice uh? I'm not saying this for pity it is simply the facts
I walked away...he has no contact with us financially or other wise. I pay my own bills I don't need someone to take care of me or my child. Ironically I do have quite a few men that want to date me. But I am skittish and most men are not willing to take time to build a friendship then a relationship. Well some pretend to be but then prove themselves to be less than God fearing. Not all men are evil and neither are all single mothers desperate.
One day...in God's time, not mine; there will come a God fearing man who will take the time, who will want to be both husband and father. That man will be a role model and show my child how a real Christian man behaves. Until that time I go on with my life, read my bible, and take care of the gift that God has given me as guardian to an innocent babe.
Brandy, my situation was very similar to yours. I never regret making the decision I did, because it was the right one. God rewards us for making the right decisions. God shows His love through my son to me many times a day. He also uses my son to build character. :laugh:
You have got to be kidding me. You're comparing the single moms of today to Mary and Joseph from 2000 years ago? That has to be the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard.
Well let me tell you something, if you actually read your Bible, you'd know that Joseph was actually going to break off the engagement and not marry Mary, albeit quietly to spare her of stoning.
It was only when an angel visited him that he changed his mind. So trust me, if an angel visits me and tells me some single mom I come across is THE ONE, I might be inclined to change my mind then. :D In the meantime, stop making absurd analogies on things you know nothing about.
Really, your comments seem to stem more from scoring points with the women here in order to get some wubsies than any moral sense of chivalry. Grow up.
There have been a few women in my life that I was interested in starting a relationship with who had children.
I tried to befriend them to gain their trust...mostly I gained their trust when it came to their child and none of them ever had a problem with me watching or caring for their child...yet ironically they showed some distrust towards the child's father yet they remained in that relationship. As a guy who is soon to be 26 and looking...I am more than likely going to come across someone who already has at least one child. If I feel a connection to the mother...I will do whatever I can to build a loving relationship with her child. The problem that I have found in simply talking with some young mothers, some married and some not, is that they are not too keen on allowing a guy to come into their child's life. They themselves long for a relationship and want a guy who will love their child but only the kind of love that brings positive things like toys, and hugs, piggyback rides...yet they look down upon that guy demonstrating love through discipline when it comes to their child. I don't see how that can work! If I'm going to be a part of your life and therefore be a part of your child's life...why shouldn't you let me be a part of your life as well as a part of your child's life. Let's say I meet that special someone and she has a child but I am never allowed to discipline them...that child will grow up not respecting me and my "man of the house" status because growing up they always saw how "mom handled things" and "dad" wasn't someone you had to "worry" about. That's not fair to us guys who want to be a part of that family. So all I ask is for you ladies to try and understand that while we may know that your child was their first...if you want us to commit to you and your child...you need to commit to us in return. I'm open to hear any and all thoughts. God bless!!
Thanks for the great post. You presented your position and thoughts well. My first reaction is that this is definitely a trust issue. You mentioned that these ladies don't trust their exs or their child's father. Yes, they are transfering it to you. I am very protective of my daughter since our abusive and unfortunately still respond to "intervene" triggers. Right after I separated, I had what is called hyper-vigilance. If anyone looked at my daughter funny, look out! I am slowly, but steadily getting sanity back into my life. You are a big hearted man and I can see that you just want someone to let you love them. You will need to decide if you like the woman well enough to stick with her while she heals enough to trust you (is she trying to heal? There are not guarantees) or whether to move on. This is something you will have to decide with God's help and some input from the woman.
You ask great questions! You are a thinking man. You have a heart for God and an openness to learn. I vote that God has someone special that He's preparing for you.
You have got to be kidding me. You're comparing the single moms of today to Mary and Joseph from 2000 years ago? That has to be the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard.
Mr.Adams how can my post be idiotic?
As a christian man I am to use the word in my life to present my case.That is what I did. God in his wisdom has compassion on all people. Including single mothers, our opinion does not mean anything.
This is the truth. I did marry someone who put her child before me.He was a 20 year old brat.I am not bitter with her or the son. God says to forgive and move on.
As a christian it is our duty to have a clean heart.
Did the Apostle Paul not write that we our to take care of our fellow believers? To take care of the sick and hurting,
widows, and the orphans. Hmmmmmm Jesus said himself to love our brother like our selves.
No I am not out to score points. He who remains silent agees with the statement you make.
Have you ever heard of the story of the Phareses who brought the woman who commited adultery. The religous leaders wanted to do her in. Who are we to attack our sisters???
When I was married my X wife had me help her with a friend of hers who was in an abusive relationship. Do you know that your insults have made some of these women almost cry? Are we not to have the love of Christ????
One of them is a baby christian.if we turn someone away from the faith we do have to answer for that to God.
Yes, they have reported you. Your first 2 statemnets made me wonder if that was taking things to far by the women.
But your response to me made me think that maybe they did the right thing. As a christian you are to have the love of Jesus. It is the job of the man to lead his home in the way God had designed.Why should women be the household leaders?
Friends I think we should pray for Mr.Adams. Will you all either say this prayer with me or write yours in a post.
In the name of Jesus show our brother how to love his fellow christians.Bring your word to quicken in his heart. Show him the hurt he has caused here and bring him to ask these ladies to forgive him.Amen:prayingf: :prayingm:
