Well.. browneyed girl started the thread a year ago, and as I was reading old posts, Walter4 U replied with a MOST INFORMATIVE response, and I had to re-read it because it makes sense. I think most of what he said is good advice for today... So, I'm reposting it. Thanks Walt! ~ GraceMae
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From: Walter4U
Online Dating etiquette; What's proper?
Posted : 23 Feb, 2009 10:18 AM
Hi T,
I have been on the internet for many years and have been on many personal sites and have met many ladies. Made some really good friends too that will be life long. The proper etiquette is as follows. (Voice of experience lol )
First contact is usually casual and non intrusive. Introductions, how are you, would you like to communicate further. If both are in agreement, then you begin to get to know each other and have fun doing so. Everyone is different and has various conform levels as to how much they want to reveal. The internet though has a way of getting people to open up more than they would in person. There is a sense of anonymity and also a sense of "Fantasy". More on that later.
Before meeting in person, you should communicate though several e-mails and then talk on the phone and then if all is going well then you should meet in person. What you do not want to do, providing you are interested in more than just friendship, is have an prolonged e-mail communication. You have to meet and see what is there in person. I have e-mailed and talked on the phone with some nice ladies and things seemed great until we MET. Then NO chemistry. Nada, ZIP, NONE. LOL
Here's another thing. If you are intending more than friendship, then Plenty of pictures must be exchanged. Recent pictures and not "Glamor shots". LOL Close head shots without sunglasses and full length shots. That may seem shallow to some but it is reality and how God made us. Physical attraction, which is relative, is all part of the formula. No pictures, no communication! In this modern world of technology there is no reason not to have some posted. Besides you want to see who it is you are communicating with. I have horror stories I can tell you from personal experience where I agreed to meet the lady sight unseen, no pics and I will never do that again. Some people actually lie about their looks. There were times I wish I had on those magic slippers and thought while clicking..."there's no place like home, there's no place like home". LOL But being the gentleman I am, I endured, changed my focus and ministered to them.
Here is a big one. If they are not convicted and committed to remaining sexually pure until marriage then politely end the communications with that person but let them know why you are committed. Many Christians are not convicted in this area! Many have not been properly discipled.
Regarding what you said about God having someone intended for you. That is actually not biblical. God does not pick your mate for you. He gives you total Free will. He has only one main desire and commandment regarding this and that is the person "you" choose is a true Christian and walking the talk. God does not permit you to marry a non-Christian. God is involved in the process and He does bring people across your path and He will help you to make your choice, but ultimately it is your decision whom you marry.
Now for the "Fantasy" of internet dating. LOL
The fantasy is this. Many come on personal sites and see a countless multitude of people of all kinds. It becomes like a shopping mall or "smorgisborg". Then what can happen and does often is that a person will meet someone and begin to communicate with them and at the same time meet other candidates and when someone comes along who is better looking or has more money or whatever, they drop you like a hot potato and move on to that next person and continue with the same process, never finding or being satisfied with one person. Many times it's because they really do not know what they want, or they think they "deserve" better or more. Many and various reasons. It also could be a fear of commitment. I have personally been through this and also know there are women and I am sure men who just get their kicks out of people wanting to get to know them. It's a game to some!
Let's talk about "Long Distance" dating. How many people can seriously afford to date someone where you have to take a plane trip and get hotel rooms just to date someone? Most do not have the financial wear with all to do that. If you do then that is great. But in reality one must consider the difficulties and emotional stress this can bring. What if you do decide to finally meet, go through the expense of a plane trip and then reality hits home that neither can really relocate? Emotional heartache! Besides how well can you really get to know someone unless you see them on a regular basis, like every week? My opinion, at least from my perspective, is that if they are not within a reasonable drive, then I will not seek a relationship other than a friendship. Sometimes even a reasonable drive away may not be good either if neither can relocate. That happened to me. No regrets mind you. I met a wonderful Gal on another Christian site and we hit it off famously. She was a COP and I am an Ex COP so we had that in common among lots of other things. We both knew something was there and it wasn't long before we developed feelings for each other. She initially "thought" she would be able to relocate. But after a couple of months into the relationship , she discovered that her Ex-Husb. was unwilling to change the custody situation and we were not going to have her and her little girl go through a custody battle. And she only lives 2 hours from me. Well we ended our "romantic" part of our relationship but continued to be best of friends which we still are and we cherish our friendship but also realize that one day one or both of us will meet someone and we will have to stop communicating out of respect for the person we are involved with. [Let me also say that I will not entertain any probing questions about this relationship. This was for illustrative purposes only. :-) ]
Wow! Awesome advice - very helpful! As for the long-distance dating, I agree that it does add the difficulty of having to fork out extra money to see each other. In my case, I am about to meet someone for the first time and we are planning to start a long-distance relationship. We have already talked about the reality of long-distance, though, and have made future plans (assuming things work out, of course). I have to move anyway because of school and when I graduate, I don't have any definite plans as to where I'm going to live afterward, so why not relocate to his hometown? It's actually a whole lot closer to my family members than where I'm at now.
So, if there seems to be a realistic solution that will bring the two people together and both are willing to wait, then I think long-distance dating can work out great.
