Hey first off if you're reading this you're probably not one of the women doing this.. but if you are I got something to share with you..
I've been on this website for quite awhile and talked to the girls and guys.. and I have my own experiences here.. if you want a guy that is a good guy pay attention.
1. If you go to a guy's profile and you like him.. wink at him at least.. yes I know you think men should chase you down and slay the dragon.. and I agree... but remember we've never met you and know nothing about you.. also, if you don't wink or msg we assume you are not interested.
2. If we do happen to wink at you to see if you are interested.. don't go into some self righteous.. he didn't message so he's not a real man.. wink back if you're interested.
3. If we do happen to message you and put ourselves out there and you are interested.. write back an engaging email.. something to talk about.. don't write back one sentence replies.. we assume you're not interested! Yes, the man is the leader, but we don't know anything about you.. and quite frankly if you're worth chasing yet. Be willing to put forth some effort.
4. If we write you a quick email or something and we're the ones writing to you.. odds are that we have been messaging a lot of girls who have either not written back on longer emails or wrote back short silly replies to longer emails.. so if we are messaging you and it's quick.. don't assume it means we are uninteresting or boring.. write back something interesting and test the waters before you decide that.
5. If you're not interested in a guy.. don't write back anything at all.. don't respond to winks.. or you could even write back and say what it was that didn't interest you! Novel idea I know, but as Christians why don't we help each other out.. just don't write back out of pity.. if you write a short reply.. thinking men will get the hint.. well we do, but we think either a. she's not into us which is likely.. b. we didn't ask her something interesting enough which is possible.. c. she is just scared to put her heart out there so we gotta get to know her more.. d. she just isn't very interesting and we have to pick up the slack.. so if you're not interested let us know.. sure it sucks at first, but it's a lot better than wasting our time with a girl that doesn't like us because we don't ski or something.
And if you have any advice for men on profiles, things to lead emails with to get you to feel comfortable and talkative, things that turn you off quickly, or your own experiences.. feel free to share them we are all Christians who love one another here.
These are some good ideas. I do my best to always respond to guys' emails and winks on here... sometimes i don't, but most of the time anyways, i succeed in responding to everything.
I too however have been the subject of one of those people who just talks and talks and talks with me, and then they fall off the face of the earth. if i message the guy again to say hi and see if he's decided that he's not interested in me... i want a response... "not interested" and silence are not the same thing and i'd rather be rejected outright than ignored. But if i push for an answer and pepper someone with messages to get the response- it'll DEFINITELY be a rejection, because I'll look like I"m obsessed or something. So... a request to the gentlemen on here... respond and don't ignore?
How long is too long for a message? I'm definitely willing to send adequate reply messages, but sometimes they can be too long and then i'm afraid I'm going to scare a guy away by being too wordy.
It's usually easier that way because I've said sorry, just not interested.. and then gotten all kinds of questions like why, what's wrong with me.. and then it just gets bad...
Maybe I'm wrong for that.. I've considered it.
As far as proper message length.. hmm, i think enough that can be commented on is good.. like if someone says.. "You only have 1 day left to live.. what do you do?" Don't say, "Be with family" not very much to continue on with that reply lol.
Hi, I don't know if what I do is right or wrong but just want to share it with you. When I look into someone's profile even if I'm interested in a guy, I don't send a wink or a message. I wait for him to send a wink or a message. I don't know, maybe I'm too old fashioned. I'm really shy, I don't want to admit I'm interested. If I'm interested I reply to winks and emails but if I'm not interested, I don't reply at all. I'm too shy to tell him that I'm not interested so I don't reply. Maybe I'm still in the old thinking that guy should make the first move showing that he is a gentleman.
The one that I don't understand is the one where I message a lady and she never even reads the message. I can click on her profile and see that she has been on since I sent the message but she has never read it. And no, she doesn't say anything on her profile about finding another guy. All I know is the communication is key in any relationship so I guess the ones that have trouble with it on here are not the kind of people that I would be able to spend a lifetime with.
I'm probably not much better, I have over 256 unread msgs in my mailbox.. very few catch my attention.. it probably means she has way too many msgs to read so she has to be selective with who she responds to.. don't take it personally - just move on I guess.. and you're right she's probably not someone you could spend your lifetime with.. because you can't say the wrong thing to the right person or the right thing to the wrong person.. at least that's what I believe, but I'm an idealist :)
I really like the things you wrote on last paragraph of your reply to AJ's post. Christian should learned to wait the right time God has set for us. God is even patiently waiting for us to commit ourselves to Him, why can't we?
In finding the right person, we really don't know when and how will it happen. We can do something to make the initial moves to communicate with others but things will not happen all the time the way we want it. We should learn to patient here, because basically , I guess, everyone is looking for a life time commitment not only to the person but also to Jesus Christ that will help us all to have an everlasting and happy relationship.
I have winked and say hello to several person here got no reply but I didn't feel that way. Because I don't know if they are interested or not or I just don't know how to catch their attention.
Aside from that, I am maybe not opening myself to them, which I don't really know how. I am not used to do the first move when it comes this dating things.
So, for me what ever things we do or say, we should not forget that we all want to be recognized as Matured Christian here. We should keep our faith in Jesus Christ to lead us to the right person in His time, no matter where or when.
Well I found this whole thread very interesting and something to think about....
I am pretty old fashioned and was raised that a lady shouldnt chase/pursue and man....
I created this profile a while back then never logged in and got an email reminding me of my account. I have browsed a little today and saw a few profiles that did catch my attention however I did NOT send a wink. I guess in my mind the way it would work is he would see that I looked at him then if he found something in my profile interesting would contact me....
Hmmmm now I have to go pray about this lol
Thanks for sharing what was on your heart about it!
Penny #1. A couple of girls on here said they tend to be old fashioned and expect the guy to pursue them, so even if they see someone interesting, they don't do anything. I used to feel that way because of shyness, but I realize that just because I see their profile doesn't mean they will see mine. It's basically the online equivalent of seeing someone in person who seems interesting and not even saying hello. There's no harm in saying hello.
Penny #2. @Chris. You said, "And I'm sorry but I have to comment to all the dudes replying negatively.. seriously, this was a letter to women not you.. being sarcastic to me and about what I've experienced only makes you look foolish it doesn't show your alpha maleness.. so better luck next time."
You essentially said you like constructive criticism, so, you come across as being very defensive and hostile in this comment. When I read the reply from Archimedes, I really liked what he said! Just because a man posts a reply on your thread doesn't mean he's reading it as a letter to men. Archimedes, at least from what I gathered, was DEFENDING women against some of the things you say women on here do as if they are bad or doing things incorrectly. And I admit, it kind of did feel like you were saying, "These women bad. Other women good." I think it was partly how you said that if you're a woman reading this you're probably not one of the women doing it. It sounded...bitter maybe? Like how the women you're referring to aren't taking anything seriously and couldn't care less. There are a lot of factors, and while I respect your viewpoint, some of your posts seem, not to be redundant, a little hostile.
Anyway, that's my two cents, hope I didn't step on any toes :) I really love the forums and threads like this make for great discussion and some really eye-opening, helpful tips!
