A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 26 Nov, 2009 08:29 PM
I was in Over 40 chat this evening....and felt like discussing problems and challenges in online dating. To keep from disrupting the room, who were talking about what they did for Txgiv'g and praying for people I don't know (online and not) --- I asked if anyone would like to go to the "Cafe" chatroom to discuss it (since it was empty). I didn't feel led to pray and had an uneventful Thanksgiving (I stayed home alone, but that's okay, I'm thankful)! Anyway, one person said they would like to discuss online dating in the other room. I went in there and waited 3 mins. They never showed up. So I left.
One thing I wanted to discuss was "limitations of online dating." I can tell that, *if MANY women (on this site) and I lived close to one another* --- we would *probably* want to get together for coffee, a Bible study, etc. I've 'met' quite a few sisters like this here --- and brothers also! --- who I'd like to do stuff with. But none live very close, most pretty far away....
Add To The Mix
Different ladies I've written, who also live far from me; the "list" of them is getting LONG! Now, I believe God would provide absolutely *ALL* -- should He lead me and a sister to get together (marry) -- no matter where she is. However, I would imagine there may be something like a few HUNDRED (???) great Christian ladies 'who come here' I could potentially marry!!! (if you see what I'm saying).....
So.
"Online dating", though it can open up so many *MORE* possibilities for a future mate; it has limitations (obviously). My recent 'strategy', so to speak, has been to write more ladies, rather than meeting/seeing them in chat (which can get 'unpleasant" at times, and can have *so many topics*, and people discussing them separately)! And now -- some of these ladies I've writtten or IMd --- I'm forgetting their names! -- even after writing and/or IMing them! -- a few times!!! (and I've come to understand this problem isn't limited to me! and men)!
Thus.
I'm evaluating the whole process. And think God will lead me in new and better/improved directions. 'Not sure what all this may entail. But I'm living and learning. I may write less, or more, don't know right now....
I *do know and trust* God to guide. May He you too, Amen. Take care and thanks for reading! (I seldom get every typo or mistake and apologize for these in advance) --- Thanks!
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 28 Nov, 2009 04:52 AM
You know Rick, I think the forums are one of the best tools we have for really getting to know each other as we watch each individual relate with other people on the forum.
I am not ruling out the internet, but I do think my relationships in the real world through ministry has been more rewarding.
Although my fellowship on line has been something that has really helped me grow as a person in Christ.
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 29 Nov, 2009 11:33 AM
I read the other day that the stats on online dating sites for people meeting and marrying is 0.23%~so I do not put a lot into the marriage thing coming out the internet.
The problems I have personally experienced with it after about a year and a half of being on about 6 of these sites and some were secular and I stayed on about 2 weeks on each of them.
1. You can't look in there eyes and see things and feel things~anyone can sit behind a computer and lie~it happens a lot.
2. Long distance is hard because for me~I am a social person and like doing things together like church, concerts, malls, etc. and I feel it takes about 6 months of that one on one time to get to know them. The little foxes that can become big, ya know? :)
3. I have dated a few from another site and they have lied to me to get me to date them~ try kissing me like we are in a relationship on the first date~too much too soon!~have a track record of emotional issues and their divorces were not real biblical so it is not always a great turnout on these or in person.
I have also met and dated local men and that were fun and nice and said they were Christians but after a while they NEEDED a physical relationship because of all kinds of reasons~~:rolleyes:~only one I dated that said he was a Christian believed in celibacy~cool~but there was no chemistry between us.
Not saying it can't happen and I have gotten off all of them except this one as I like the forum discussions but it is slim.
I think God knows who we fit with and when~but the waiting time can really make us doubt He is listening~What Tara said is so true~we need to stay busy about His business and then we are not standing there with a magnifying glass waiting for the caterpillar to turn into the butterfly. :laugh:
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 29 Nov, 2009 06:45 PM
Hi Tarasye! --- You WROTE: "You know Rick, I think the forums are one of the best tools we have for really getting to know each other as we watch each individual relate with other people on the forum. I am not ruling out the internet, but I do think my relationships in the real world through ministry has been more rewarding. Although my fellowship on line has been something that has really helped me grow as a person in Christ."
I've known "forum folks" (men and women) since 2000. A couple of the ladies I know from posting on Bible/theology, etc., and I are compatible enough that we'd do stuff together if we lived closer (as I mentioned before). I don't have a "disconnect" between "Christian stuff" I do, whether online or not (though there are differences) The internet has been MUCH MORE REWARDING (by far) in terms of fellowshiping with folks in terms of theology and biblical stuff. Very few people know as much theology as I do (relatively speaking). E.g., I go to a Bible study in my town. The guy who leads it doesn't know it but, he teaches Calvinism. I'm not sure if he even knows he's a Calvinist! As far as "getting to know peopl eon forums" (like here); of course, it's possible. But it may take time to get to know a lot about folks (cf. my reply to Joey below). Let me give you an example of what I mean re: forums. You are Church of Christ. If you believe as most Chuirch of Christ denominations do -- you are an amillennialist, as am I. So if this is the case, persons such as you and I wouldn't need to discuss ((or possibly even debate in a civil way) about "When will the rapture will happen?" and so on. Most Church of Christ denominations are Arminian also (all are, afaik). So I would know (in advance) that you aren't a Calvinist --- which I'm also not (at all). Etc., etc., etc.
Hi Joey! --- YOU WROTE: --- "I read the other day that the stats on online dating sites for people meeting and marrying is 0.23%~so I do not put a lot into the marriage thing coming out the internet. The problems I have personally experienced with it after about a year and a half of being on about 6 of these sites and some were secular and I stayed on about 2 weeks on each of them. 1. You can't look in there eyes and see things and feel things~anyone can sit behind a computer and lie~it happens a lot. 2. Long distance is hard because for me~I am a social person and like doing things together like church, concerts, malls, etc. and I feel it takes about 6 months of that one on one time to get to know them. The little foxes that can become big, ya know? 3. I have dated a few from another site and they have lied to me to get me to date them~ try kissing me like we are in a relationship on the first date~too much too soon!~have a track record of emotional issues and their divorces were not real biblical so it is not always a great turnout on these or in person. I have also met and dated local men and that were fun and nice and said they were Christians but after a while they NEEDED a physical relationship because of all kinds of reasons~~~only one I dated that said he was a Christian believed in celibacy~cool~but there was no chemistry between us. Not saying it can't happen and I have gotten off all of them except this one as I like the forum discussions but it is slim. I think God knows who we fit with and when~but the waiting time can really make us doubt He is listening~What Tara said is so true~we need to stay busy about His business and then we are not standing there with a magnifying glass waiting for the caterpillar to turn into the butterfly."
What was your source for 0.023% (actually meeting and marrying from dating sites)? My source for 0.024% came from what someone told me; they had lost their source, so couldn't tell me. Otherwise, on your numbers 1-4; nothing you said is "uncommon" in online dating (as you probably know). I can't say for sure about your (and others' 'bad experiences'); but I tend to think that these "bad dates" experiences could have been -- and can be -- prevented. It's just a matter of how much one wants and/or has to invest in getting to know someone online. E.g., a guy or gal who wants a kiss on the first date. the other doesn't. It's pretty apparent in cases like this that they don't really know one another at all. Personally, I wouldn't blame "online dating" for this. I'd *blame myself* for not getting to know them well enough before meeting them in person. But for someone who's an extrovert (such as yourself, and which I am not); you probably see "dating" as a "light" situation. That is, you may see it as essentially the same as our culture does in this sense. If this is correct, then a "date" is where you learn more of this kind of stuff about them. Also, I wouldn't see why anyone would "complain" about it. If you don't know them much at all --- before a date --- it seems illogical to complain when you learn more on a date! Not saying one couldn't learn "good stuff" or have a great experience in fellowship! On "staying busy in His [GOD's] business --- I agree. But as of right now, I can't "go out" much at all -- (which will change at around June next year). The internet is my main, and only really "available," vehicle I have to get to know anyone right now. On going to malls, concerts and stuff like that -- I like that too! And if God leads me to be with someone I met on the internet who lives away, kind of far away, or really far away -- I'll be doing these things (and much more!) with "her" -- (my *the one*) -- the rest of my life! before and after we get married!!!
I posted this elsewhere (but want to now add it here, a 'checklist' I have for courship/dating). I covered almost *Every Point* in detail with a lady I never met met in person, over a period of 2 years!!! Check it out, please! "Compatibility Considerations Before Marriage" by Steve Gregg --- http://www.wvss.com/forumc/viewtopic.php?t=1666 --- Thanks!
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 29 Nov, 2009 07:04 PM
Oooops, Joey only had 1-3, typos (I never catch them all, duh), and while it's true that we may "get fooled" by people we initially meet online; My Profile makes it *CLEAR* I won't be kissing anyone but my future wife!!! -- if I get one. Now, someone may read it, and "pretend" to agree with it, then try to lay one on me when we meet in person. However, I'm willing to take the time to get to know them well --- before a date. I'm pretty intuitive and perceptive about such things; being an INTP and hopefully, that I'll use Spirit-led discernment along with it! Being an introvert probably has advantages over being an extrovert, in online dating (seems obvious to me, anyway) --- Thanks some more!
