Thread: Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
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Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 9 Aug, 2015 05:56 PM
I'm not sure where to start with this...and apologies in advance if what you're about to read is too much information...but this is something that's weighed on me for a very long time.
I originally met a woman from another country on this website, and to make a long story short, we met up after several months of communication. I genuinely, absolutely loved her unlike anyone I've ever known, and remained faithful to her despite the distance between us. We enjoyed continual communication, Skyped regularly, even recorded Youtube videos for each other depicting places we'd been. It was love in its purest form...at least on my end.
She had asked for money away from this website, because it was scarce for her as she lived with her mother and the two owned a sparce hotel for tourism. I complied at first and felt so in love with her that it just seemed we were meant for each other. After a while I stopped sending money as I was having serious reservations about how she was spending it; she told me she'd promise to visit me in my country, but it wasn't like I could verify she was spending it on that process as she'd said. Eventually she broke up with me after having said she'd already said how much she loved me, how I was "the one", speculating what our kids might look like, and promising she wouldn't make decisions upon the future of our friendship until she had visited me.
Anyway...it was a traumatic experience to read a breakup email after having invested so much time and energy for 11 months. After she became pregnant and married a man from her country, I cut off communication from Facebook. It was a wound which, 6 years later, has proven difficult to heal from.
She reached out to me out of the blue a couple years ago, asking for advice on her marriage to her husband. He'd shown signs of aggressive behavior, had committed adultery several times over, and had separated himself from "Sil" and their daughter. She also asked for forgiveness from me. It was a hard situation to be in but I said it sounded like he was potentially abusive and if she had only been happy for first 3 months out of the 3 years they'd been married I thought she should consider divorce. After several months I received another email from her saying we should no longer communicate and that her husband was the man for her. Again, I didn't expect to hear from her following that.
About two years ago, she reached out to me again. She basically covered the exact same ground she had two years ago, only this time he had physically attacked her. I flat-out said she needed to stand up for her and her child and get away from him (divorce). I made it clear that this was advice I would give to anyone given what she'd told me.
Of course, all of this is from her, and I can't prove what is and isn't factual. After a few months, she started communicating with me, becoming downright flirtatious in some areas. She talked about how she missed me, and even said she wished we could be neighbors. It was extremely difficult to provide support to her while hearing information like that, as I still felt I had feelings for her but wanted to do right by her legal status as a married woman. I did ask her for verification on her marriage, and she said she was legally married but never felt it was right in the eyes of God. Since then, I made sure not to say things that would come off as flirtatious on my end...again, I have no way of proving any of what she's saying is the truth.
We have since reduced communication significantly. Once, however, she mentioned how there was a group of Christians at her church, and how one of them was from a nearby state (for me) about an hour's drive away. She mentioned how she'd like for us to become friends. To me, it sounded like a perfect opportunity to get to lay my heart bare and seek guidance, as well as ask how she was doing and if things were on the up and up from her end.
I haven't heard back from her since asking about further info about this person, and it's been over a month now. I don't know what to do...ask her again directly, stop communicating with her...it's a difficult situation to reveal to my friends, since the situation is so unique from anyone I've ever known. I generally feel over her but there are days (this being one of them) where I do miss her. I just wish I knew the truth, both in the past and present.
That was a long read, I know, but if you could respond I'd greatly appreciate it. God Bless!
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 22 Nov, 2015 04:26 AM
Thanks for sharing your story, my friend.
You know, one of my co-workers is based in another city and I rarely see her. When we finally had a company party, she was able to come to town and we had a chance to catch up. I of course inquired about her husband, a man I had met in the past, and had really liked. She let me know that she was now divorced and I was shocked!
Anyway, she told me the whole story and the part I want to mention is this: She said that it was not until she met another guy, who emotionally helped her separate from her husband and who encouraged her to leave him and who was there to be her man, as soon as she turned away from her hubby. She said, without him, she never would have had the ability to seek a divorce.
So, I have started thinking that there could be a lot of unhappily married women out there who just need another man before they will consider leaving their current husband.
In fact, not long after that, I switched jobs where I met a very friendly gal. Although she was married, she openly told me that she was going to get a divorce, as soon as she met a new guy. WOW! I was surprised that she was that open, but that confirms my thinking. I am sure this is not true of all situations, but it could be common.
So, maybe your friend was hoping you could help her to leave her husband...not just by your encouraging words, but maybe by offering her a ring. That's a bit commitment, however. And even so, I know that I could not get involved with a new woman who is depending on me to help her leave an unhealthy situation. Sticky.
Long-distance story/advice needed (could go in broken hearts)
Posted : 15 May, 2016 05:57 AM
I have had long-distance "friendships" with men over the years, and this is what I have learned:
-they are secretly married
-they want to have flings when passing through town or just a telephone thing is enough for them
-they are compulsive liars
You need to block her every which way, dear young man, and try to meet someone closer to home. She sounds like a grafter to me, and there are a lot of them on these sites.
