Author	Thread: How do I start wanting relationships?
slinzy View Profile History	How do I start wanting relationships? Posted : 6 Feb, 2014 04:01 PM Throughout my life I have never had a "christian relationship" in fact I would be hard pressed to admit that I have ever had a real relationship. I have been titled a sex addict and a love avoidant personality. While I do not let these titles define me I do believe there are aspects that are true. My pattern appears to be that I like someone, I dont want to get emotionally invested so I use my body to keep them at a distance by shifting their focus. Lately I have developed this distaste for any relationship. I feel if I attempt to get into a relationship I will fall into my old patterns so I distance myself from anyone that could care about me. I have spent time with the Lord, looking for how to fix this. I trust God, people is a bit of a different story. I have even confided in "christian" men about my struggles and they have taken advantage of it showing me (once again) all i am good for is my body. It has been a message I have been given consistently since the age of 3. It was the only place i was given any worth and how I got my needs met. I dont know how to stop the cycle. I want a relationship. I want someone to care about me, but I am so afraid to let men close. So I guess my question is, how do i begin trusting men to love me (or even like me) without the fear of being hurt and throwing my walls back up? Post Reply
View Profile History	How do I start wanting relationships? Posted : 26 Feb, 2014 09:41 PM I had struggled with something like this for many years. I always wanted to be in a relationship but once the relationship started to mature and get that "settled" feeling I got restless and dropped out and went looking for something new or different. I didn't have this problem with my marriages just with long term girl friends. I was referred to a counselor by a friend and I took about 18 months to learn many things about myself. I had to make lists of things about myself, research my childhood, discuss things with my mom and brother, read a few books, and really get honest with myself. I know it sounds a little crazy making but I was actually able to come away with a solid definition of myself. In all that list making and note taking and discussions I found out who I really am. It was not until the end of this period of self searching that I started my spiritual journey anew. It took on a completely different tack once it was under way. My point is that I don't think a person is ready for a relationship with someone else until they have a successful relationship with them selves. It's different than the idea of loving yourself before loving another. It's more like, "how can you expect anyone to understand you when you are more confused about who you are than they are? " I don't think you can relax and be fully engaged in the depths of a relationship until you have found the depths of a relationship with yourself. It's possible that you will find, as I have, that you won't need someone else as much as you thought you did. Once in this place, you can be in much greater control of your choices and make decisions that are truly best for you. It might be helpful to find a counselor or life coach that will help you with a journey of self discovery. Post Reply

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