Sister, My point was not to promote or even say that the advertising of women for commercial purposes is good, it cleary is not.
It is to say that unbelievers understand the nature of men. To say that God does not work within our preferences as humans is obsurd.
You as a woman have preferences and for a man to have a preference according to a womans frame is not in contridiction or violation to Gods will in choosing a mate.
If we are to talk about total acceptance of the opposite sex this is one area where women have to accept in us men even if you dont understand or agree with.
I can walk around and reconise the beauty of a woman without needing to sexualise her. My woman will be secure enough in our relationship to give me freedom in who I am in my appreciation for beauty.
think people mix up standards and preferences altogether.
+++please enlighten me as to what is the difference, thank you.
I do not think that preferences are a bad thing and it can be attributed to a myriad of things, whether it be cultural or "situational" etc. It also doesn't mean prejudicial unless the person who has the preference treats those outside of his "list" with contempt or disdain that's wrong. Some may prefer to date someone from their country, some may prefer to be a bit more adventurous and go outside their country. Some may prefer someone outgoing and the life of the party, while others might prefer someone more laid back a home body. The possibilities are endless.
For me I know I have preferences and I used to feel bad but then I understood the aforementioned definitions. I have also come to understand that it may bring offence to others, you talked about someone accusing you wrongly because you wanted to see what they looked like. I think what we need to remember that though we may be attracted to someone it is not written in stone that they will be or have to be attracted to us in kind. If we understand this we will save ourselves a lot of heartache. I am multi racial and I am more attracted to Caucasians, am I racist? By no means I may be attracted to every color, creed and race once the right godly attitudes are there I just have more of an attraction to them. Does that mean they have to find me attractive also? No but I am attractive to someone. I also prefer (there's that word again) a gentleman dressed nicely, I am not really for the saggy pants style, that's just me.
All in all if you know who you are and understand that preferences are just that... what someone prefers and not a death sentence lol we should all be fine.
I know there are instances we wish "if that person would just get over their "preferences" to see me beyond that they may be getting to know a great guy or gal". it happens and it's their prerogative, the world still goes round and God is still on the throne :)
+++requirement = i need some one who can do massages
preference = if that person can do deep massage, better!,
is that what you mean by standards and preferences?
LetThisMind, I get that men are very visual. I don�t think there is a woman out there who doesn�t understand that fully... it has been drilled into us since we were in kindergarten. That is why you have 10 year old girls wearing makeup and provocative clothes. They too have fallen into the world�s trap; so much like a type of imprisonment. I�m sure you are aware that women very much love beauty as well, though their biggest pitfall probably revolves around money and being provided for. Neither one, male or female, are relying on God for their validation and security. God has such a bigger, more beautiful picture for our lives. :purpleangel:
I�m not saying that we shouldn�t have preferences or that God does not consider our preferences when He guides us towards a mate. I�m just saying that He has given us a higher standard than the world and our own fleshly nature. He flips every worldly standard on its head: The first shall be last; the leader shall be the servant; the one who wins it all is the one who gives up his life. God never leads us with our eyes. :excited:
I don�t have my photo posted online. I used to. The problem is not what you are probably expecting. I have a pretty face and got lots of hits, 90% of whom never even read my profile! These brothers had little interest in my spirit or my abilities, my passions or, well... even where I live. The Lord did not lead them to me, their eyes did. I want someone who�s reliance is on his God more than on his eyes.
The problem is, if a man seeks out a �princess� then he marries a princess attitude too which will not build him up or support him, but only look to how her needs are being met, and he ends up hurt and frustrated constantly trying to please her unreasonable list of �must haves�. Likewise, if a woman seeks a man of means then she marries an ambitious, win-what-I-want-at-all-costs attitude as well, and ends up hurt and frustrated trying to get him to pay attention to the real her, not just how she looks on his arm.
God wants SO much more for us than what our basic fleshly needs would dictate.
I�m just saying... widen the parameters to allow for God�s leading.
The first thing I look at is a womans picture and if I think she has some attraction to my eye then I will look at her profile and if what i like in her profile I will contact her.
Their has been times a womans headline has caught my attention and I really appreciated what she had to say. I would want to get to know her more as well.
What God wants in relationship is ballance. A ballance of equality this is why He uses the term equally yoked together.
As humans we are made up of 4 main parts. Physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.
These 4 main attributes of humans need to be united together with another human in marriage. To become one with eachother.
If their is not harmony in the attraction of these parts then their will become friction in one or more area.
Friction is a break down in harmony and a break down in unity of oneness.
I would have to say that my desire physically for a woman is probally the broadest catigory and the narrowest is spiritual or faith.
I have had a few beautiful girl friends over the years but their spiritual even well meaning christian ladies was simply not a right fit for me.
I personally think you are hurting your self if you truly desire a mate because even a good godly man will over look your profile and move on to another without a picture.
The problem, brother, is that advertising has done the exact opposite. It has taken away God's calling on men to protect and lead, and has instead caused them to submit and obey their own lusts. Satan does not want you to see these women in the ads as sisters in the Lord, pure and holy as the bride of Christ. He purposely lines up these women next to coveted symbols of power for a reason ... these are things to possess and conquer. The thought of being responsible for and laying down your life for these things is not part of the plan.
+++very well said! but chivary isn't taught anymore outside christian circles
Some women have accepted that money is the trade off in this deal. They would also be submitting to their flesh.
+++got that right, if i drive a better car, have a nicer job, live in a better area, i am more attractive according to researchers! victor at 5 figure income is not nearly as appealing as victor at say 6 or 7 figures! lol at 7 figures, i have a great figure! ! lol :ROFL:
I think the key is probably not to let preferences get in front of God's direction for your life. Don't lean on your own 'understanding', but in all your ways (thinking, filtering, lingering) look to Him and His word, and He'll show you the best mate for you... even if you were blindfolded!
+++great reply,you are very wise! but your profile has no pictures of you at all!?
LetThisMind, I get that men are very visual. I don�t think there is a woman out there who doesn�t understand that fully... it has been drilled into us since we were in kindergarten. That is why you have 10 year old girls wearing makeup and provocative clothes. They too have fallen into the world�s trap; so much like a type of imprisonment. I�m sure you are aware that women very much love beauty as well, though their biggest pitfall probably revolves around money and being provided for. Neither one, male or female, are relying on God for their validation and security. God has such a bigger, more beautiful picture for our lives.
I�m not saying that we shouldn�t have preferences or that God does not consider our preferences when He guides us towards a mate. I�m just saying that He has given us a higher standard than the world and our own fleshly nature. He flips every worldly standard on its head: The first shall be last; the leader shall be the servant; the one who wins it all is the one who gives up his life. God never leads us with our eyes.
I don�t have my photo posted online. I used to. The problem is not what you are probably expecting. I have a pretty face and got lots of hits, 90% of whom never even read my profile! These brothers had little interest in my spirit or my abilities, my passions or, well... even where I live. The Lord did not lead them to me, their eyes did. I want someone who�s reliance is on his God more than on his eyes.
The problem is, if a man seeks out a �princess� then he marries a princess attitude too which will not build him up or support him, but only look to how her needs are being met, and he ends up hurt and frustrated constantly trying to please her unreasonable list of �must haves�. Likewise, if a woman seeks a man of means then she marries an ambitious, win-what-I-want-at-all-costs attitude as well, and ends up hurt and frustrated trying to get him to pay attention to the real her, not just how she looks on his arm.
God wants SO much more for us than what our basic fleshly needs would dictate.
I�m just saying... widen the parameters to allow for God�s leading.
+++awesome reply, is this none picture profile getting you somewhere? i mean i tell you the truth here, i don't even reply or look at a profile with no picture on it. i'm not looking to go into witness protection with the woman. i wish i was that spiritual , to be able to just let God do it all and bring her to me, but i don't really see that example in the bible too much, well perhaps adam, but even rebecca was pleasing to issacs eyes, and had a servants heart to abraham's steward and she must have look good to the caravan boss too right? but you do make a really good point here my sister, makes me wonder a great deal!
level of quality or excellence: the level of quality or excellence attained by somebody or something
2.
level of quality accepted as norm: a level of quality or excellence that is accepted as the norm or by which actual attainments are judged ( often used in the plural )
REQUIREMENT
1.
that which is required; a thing demanded or obligatory:
PREFERENCE
selection of somebody or something: the view that one person, object, or course of action is more desirable than another, or a choice based on such a view
Now to be quite honest I cannot tell if you are advocating that it's okay to have preferences or you are being sarcastic and making a joke, I really don't. But I have listed the above definitions. And as I stated before preferences are not a bad thing it is just someone's choice that is either cultural or "situational".
My standards are based in the word of God, morals code of ethics etc, my requirements are also based on the word of God there is no room for change there i.e I require a man of God who lives a life of prayer and worship for example. My preferences is the one thing that can be changed it is not set in stone. I know what I like and God is not the Author of confusion and he knows me, he made me. In terms of relationship do you think God is going to bring me someone I clearly was not attracted to, yes God ask us to come out of our comfort zone but when God chose Rebekah for Issac she pleased him, spiritually and aesthetically. But that's the crux of the matter isn't it? I do not think we need to be offended by men and women by people's preferences either in looks or any other.
I keep reading the posts on here and people keep saying looks don't matter, I think that is ridiculous and a false sense of what they really feel. God gave us eyes to see and a spirit to discern, not every man who I find attractive is going to catch my attention spiritually though aesthetically. We may have the grouse that men only look at us for our beauty and noting else, I understand that totally because if they only want arm candy and not someone with a brain and a desire for God then that irks me but all in all you want to be attractive to the opposite sex, no one can truly tell me they don't because if they were truly unattractive to men they would be crying about that too.
Let's not kid ourselves the aesthetic draws our eyes but it should not stop there. Is it only women that have this hangup? I have never in all my years heard a man cry "I wish women would look deeper than my looks". Their just glad someone took an interest.
Why should we as woman make a big deal about it and take on unnecessary stress. My stress stopped upon the realization that hey, I am not attractive to everyone but to someone so why cry over the ones that don't?
Some men like thicker women, some like them thin, some like them curvy, they like red hair, brown, blonde, black, green, purple, they like women with make up or without, to be a girly girl or a tomboy, down to earth and even high maintenance, big eyes, small eyes, slanted, tall, short, black , white, hispanic, asian, european. And ladies we have the same PREFERENCES. Some like them big and buff, lanky, cuddly, bearded, clean shaven, short, tall, outgoing, a homebody the list is endless but these are all our preferences.
We'll never have all of these preferences met but we are all perfect for that one person.
I have been looking for a loving mate for a very long time, and have followed several leads to no avail. I have tried picture, no picture, long distance, no long distance, you name it. I have found it makes a difference in the volume of hits, but not the quality. Wearing a smile everywhere I go, batting eyes, playing coy, watching ring fingers, being poised and approachable in the grocery store, wondering if 'the next one might be him".
The only difference is when I came to peace with the fact that God is the only one in charge here, not me and not him. My mate will see me for who I am, whether I am a "10" or not, and we will grow together in the Lord and I can just stop holding my breath and relax. God may very well have no one for me because He has other plans. I hope that is not so, because I have a lot of loving care to give someone, but I trust and believe that His will is always better than my best guess.
I just get riled knowing that my brothers are passing up (and missing out) on some truly beautiful women of God because the true princess they are looking for may be perfectly normal looking, but would not pass as a 10, maybe not even an 8! They do not realize the loving, talented, thoughtful treasures they are passing up because their eyes are gazing at the models.
Do we remember the end of the Isaac/Rebecca story? She caused division in the family, belittled and decieved her husband and had her son banished for decades! She was a beautiful "princess" who wanted things her own way.
I don't expect that this concept will change the world, but one or two brothers in the Lord might look twice at a lady who would not be classified by this world as a princess, but more like a handmaiden of the Lord!
But the will of God was that Jesus was to come through the lineage of Abraham, Issac, Jacob etc not Esau, it wasn't that she manipulated events to get her own way and God said "Okay I guess I can use Jacob since Esau messed up." The servant of Abraham after having made a vow to him to find a wife for his master's son gave the decision to God and God chose Rebekah because he needed her to do what was going to be done.
She was still pleasing to Issac no matter what the aesthetic of the day was.
Other than that I do believe that ultimately you are right God is the one that makes the final decision because marriage is not a selfish institution but a ministry, and as I keep saying preferences are not written in stone, God will gives us the RIGHTEOUS desires of our hearts it must line up with his will and we will not be dragged kicking and screaming into his will. God calls those who are willing, even when building the ark of the covenant and the surrounding articles God told Moses accept from those who gave willingly. But he also knows what we like, our tastes our personality. Is it so far fetched to think our mate will be desirable to us? I am a hand maiden of the Lord but I also know I am royalty my identity is wrapped up in him and not man's view.
Do you think it is alright for a man to marry a good godly woman who repulses him physically?
Would that be honoring to the woman?
A person who is only superficial I agree needs to mature but it is what it is.
I think the great thing about having preferences is that once we find that right fit then that person will be complety special in our eyes. If we had no prefferences anyone would do.
