Ok, I post this at a risk of alienating any women I'm talking to on this ste, but I'm really conflicted on this issue and need some independent advice.
This week my ex-finace found me online. She just got internet and found me through mySpace. We dated for three years, attended church together, got engaged, then after a two-week span where she seemingly became more distant, she stated that she wasn't sure she wanted to get married anymore. Her explanations as to "why" didn't add up, and after about two hours I got out of her that she was seeing somebody else. We split up at that point, as cheating is a deal-breaker in my book. This was in January 2000 - we were both 21 at the time, both now 30.
Nine years later, she finds me, only lives about 20 minutes from me, and we meet for coffee. In my heart I was happy, and being together was very comfortable and very familiar - like it was just yesterday. She informs me that she regrets ever leaving me, and wants to have a relationship again. If that isn't complicated enough, she is now married with two children of her own (beautiful boys ages 3 and 2) and three step-children.
First things first - I will not be "the other guy" and would never pursue a relationship with a married woman. However, would you guys consider a positive response given, by me to her, as "breaking up the marriage" since that is the only inevitable way for us to be together? Would I be a "home-wrecker" in that regard? Part of me thinks yes, part of me thinks no (that the home is wrecked already if she's looking for a way out).
Secondly, while my heart is read to jump all in, I'm trying to remove emotion from the situation and deal in reason. Can I even trust her? She burned me once, and is contemplating leaving a seven year marriage with the father of her two kids to get back into a relationship with me. Is that a pattern of her looking for greener pastures that should be telling me to run as fast as I can? Ir is it that she didn't know what she wanted at 21 (when we were engaged), and that only now she realizes the attributes she really wants in a mate were there for her 9 years ago? (Side note... perfect reason not to marry early!!)
I really don't know what to think. I have a heart telling me yes, a brain telling me no, and I'm truly lost.
Yes,yes, I know - pray about it, yadda yadda. I'm looking for something more substantive than that as a response. I am obviously praying about it, but am looking for perspectives I may not have thought about.
Am I crazy for even entertaining a though of getting back together?
Don't hold back - I am looking for genuine constructive comments - even if they are critial of me.
Mike I will stand in agreement with my brothers and sisters as we pray that God would in His time send a godly woman for you. And that in the meantime you will be so filled with the things of the Lord that there will be no room for temptation. Stay strong in the Lord my brother. Love in Christ, Lydia
