Author	Thread: Dilemma
Onceablumoon View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 07:03 PM Hey everyone! I have a bit of a dilemma that I'm not exactly sure how to respond to. A buddy of mine has been best friends with a girl for years, and he ended up falling in love with her, or so he says. He eventually told her his feelings and she rejected him. She already has a boyfriend anyways and wants to stay with him. My friend is in a tough place now and is looking to me for advice. The girl wants to stay friends and keep hanging out and my friend wants to as well. I told him, however, that it would not be for the best. I realize they are best friends, but if he keeps seeing and spending time with her then he will never be able to move on. Losing a best friend is terrible, but clinging to a hope that will probably never happen is far worse in my opinion. So what do you all think? Am I wrong for telling him that? I would very much appreciate any thoughts you might have. God bless ^_^ Post Reply
riveroflife1 View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 07:21 PM no, you were right. He has to realize that its not going to happen and he will need to move on. Even though it will hurt for awhile but he will be ok. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 08:33 PM Hmm...he should let her go. That would be the best thing. If he can't do it without ending the friendship, then I guess that's what he has to do. It sounds like it's pretty obvious that she doesn't have much interest in him "in that way", and besides...it's kind of selfish to hang onto someone like that. You'd be causing yourself and them unnecessary pain. If he loves her so much, he should love her enough to let her have what she wants without making her watch him suffer. Otherwise it's selfish "guilt-trip" love. :peace::peace: Post Reply
Onceablumoon View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 08:46 PM Thank you both for your input. It was very difficult to tell him what I did as I knew they were very close to each other. The two of them want to remain friends he says, but after a declaration of love is made and rejected, I don't believe the relationship could ever go back to the way it was. I suppose I could be wrong though. I want to advise and comfort him as best I can. If anyone else has a thought on this, I welcome it ^^. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 09:36 PM I think you first have to ask him if he understands that what he did was dumb. She has a boyfriend. They are close friends. She has never expressed any romantic interest in him, and yet he claims he's in love. How could he see this going well? If he realizes that confessing his love to a long time female best friend with a boyfriend was pretty dumb, then you can go ahead and talk to him about moving on and seeing her less. If he still doesn't get it, then you have to help him understand that first. Post Reply
View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 09:44 PM Hmmm. I agree w/ Tulip. This is kinda like a "My Best Friend's Wedding" plot. It's a no-no to put a move on your friend who already has a bf/gf/fiance. If he can't control his emotions, then he does need to separate himself from her, I think Post Reply
View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 09:46 PM I forgot the period at the end. So here's an extra one: .. Post Reply
Onceablumoon View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 24 Aug, 2010 10:03 PM Thank you Tulip and Pixy. I agree completely. He definitely let emotions get the better of him. I told him if he wanted any chance at all he would have to wait and be patient, but I suppose it was just too much to keep inside. Post Reply
View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 25 Aug, 2010 03:00 AM I've been through a similar story so I can feel his pain. I once fell in love with a male friend of mine, a fantastic guy, who unfortunately did not like me that way. Onceablumoon, your friend (and you as his friend who wants to be supportive) have to be ready for some hard times. I mean, maybe it differs between men and women, but for me - well it took me almost a year to get over this guy. Really. And the only thing that virtually works is to detach from this person. To cut any seeing, texting, calling them (or any other way of contacting them). From my experience I can say it did help - we're on friendly terms with this guy again (but the whole unfortunate story began like 3 yrs ago...). I don't think our relationship will ever be the same again, though. What I can say with full confidence is that healing your bleeding heart is more important than sustaining the relationship which causes the pain. Really. Any good friend should understand that! God bless Post Reply
View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 26 Aug, 2010 04:59 AM Hi Onceablumoon, Yes you do it right. Sometimes it is hard to face the truth. And, from the answers of my girlfriends, when they say no means no. Not saying that it is impossible for your friend and the girl to be together if Lord's willing (another different case), and if it is His will, He will do miracles to join them together. Outside of miracles needed, I agree with what others say, that your friend needs to turns off his emotion towards that girl. Not easy, takes times and big effort, plus there is a possibility where he would hate you at first but then thank you for helping him =) Hope this helps.. Gbu. Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Dilemma Posted : 26 Aug, 2010 09:27 PM Hi Onceabluemoon... I think you are right in your advice to your friend. Another thing, this girl needs the opportunity to make her "boyfriend" her ~ BEST FRIEND ~. What'd probably happen is she will rob her boyfriend of that closeness she has with your buddy, and that will cause chaos now and down the road. A coworker shared with me about his marraige and divorce from his wife. He says a lot was missing in their marraige, and the main thing was when they got married, his wife never gave up her relationships with her closest maile friends. My friend felt that thier marraige suffered, and the bond that the two of them should have had was split with her other male friends. Your friend should change the nature of their relationship, to mend his own heart, but also to allow her room to really grow in all the areas she feels good about your buddy, with her "boyfriend". Again, i'm in agreement with you. ~ GraceMae Post Reply

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