Author	Thread: Is there a right time to talk about sex?
IamIsabel View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 15 Mar, 2010 07:30 PM Leave it to me to ask this question publicly! I am sure there will be a wide range of differences here. I'll be the sacrifical lamb and go first since I started this thing. :prayingf: I personally believe couples thinking of wedding should talk about sex. However I think it should be carefully considered and perhaps close to their wedding date and maybe a semi public place. lol! I also believe that details should be left out. For the nay sayers I want to just throw this out there. Just imagine two people on the extreme opposites of the spectrum getting married not knowing what they are getting into. I have more opionions but let's see if I get stones thrown at me before moving forward. Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 15 Mar, 2010 07:57 PM I would try and stay away from "the talk" as long as possible, OK OK how about the night before your wedding!? Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 15 Mar, 2010 08:27 PM dear folks, id say the right time would be after youre married .. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 15 Mar, 2010 09:12 PM Apparently now is the time to talk about it, since its happening now. There needs to be mature and sanctified discussion well in advance of marriage plans. Perhaps with the guidance of a counseling professional. This is important because, after marriage plans are made is too late to find out about perverse notions of normalcy. You should at least be able to say, "I really valued the teaching of so and so who I heard on this or that family ministry." There is some talk on the other hand that should be reserved for marriage, but if you are heading that direction, you should have some idea what the expectations are, what the prospective spouse views as normal. In many profiles there are clear and direct statements about such issues, in the form of taking a stand for purity and abstinence outside of the marriage bond. That is a good thing. It is a form of "talking about sex," before there has even been a first contact! So, here is another case in point, that it needs to be on the level to some extent from the start. Just like there should be some idea of the new friend's attitude toward money and possessions and family, and children, before you decide that perhaps a marriage is part of God's plans. Post Reply
IamIsabel View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 15 Mar, 2010 09:56 PM Floodnut, I agree with everything you said. I believe that LOTS of questions should be asked about expectations of marriage, finances, house cleaning, all of it. There can never be too many questions. NOW on the sex talk I want to put this out there. Imagine two people, one likes sex and the other doesn't. They find out AFTER they marry how different they are. Floodnut, you had a good point about finding out if the partner's ways are "normal". I will say this so that maybe I will be "pardoned" for my post. I have been involved in ministry with a "sexual brokenness" group with people struggling with homosexuality tendencies, addictions and more. So I am not afraid to talk about this within boundaries. Forgive me if I am wrong. With that said, imagine what I have learned and now may I just suggest a couple to ask two questions: Do you enjoy it? Is there anything that may be considered not ordinary? Does a simple Yes or No stimulate so much passion that one cannot control? If your partner answers differently than you, will that change your decision to marry that person? It may not change YOUR decision but it could change your partner's decision about you. Will your PARTNER be able to handle the differences? Is it better to know your partner will okay with your differences if there are any before marriage. Now suppose a person has a physical impairment or something that is a little unique. I believe there is a perfect mate for those with special circumstances and it should be shared information. I expect to get different feedback. There is no right/wrong answer. To each his own. I just want to know if anyone has a better way of handing it than I do. Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 15 Mar, 2010 10:05 PM i would say after you have shown in action what ever you have proclaimed to that person, e.g. if you claim that you will not have sex before marriage. also after you have adequately guaged the persons maturity, met and talked to close family members, best friends (in sociable relaxed settings). i feel like once both person's agendas are out in the open, and both persons are comfortable with each other's 'dirt', then i say it's time to thrash out the details... really get into the nitty gritty. people go into marriage with blind folds thinking "love will find a way", "que sara" but it is really incremental. starting with the foundation all the way to the roof! the pen is in our hands to write the story of our lives... nyanda Post Reply
Linnie41 View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 16 Mar, 2010 02:41 AM I agree completely. Sex is a HUGE part of marriage and absolutely should be discussed beforehand. If both parties are virgins when entering into the marriage, that could be a little different - however, "dreams" of the sexual aspect of a relationship even then should be discussed - they could still greatly differ. However, with so many people having already been in a marriage or "relationship," it is something that they most likely have definite likes and dislikes about. I can't imagine going into a marriage at this point in my life without knowing what my future spouse's preferences are. It could be a disaster and lead to a very unhappy marriage - in that area, anyway. Imagine that your absolute favorite thing to do is skydive - but never talked about it with your future husband - only to find out AFTER being married that he's afraid of heights. Sure, there's still other things to do - but there goes your love of skydiving. Know what I mean? Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 16 Mar, 2010 07:16 AM It seems like there comes a point during the dating process where people kinda "get set" toward marriage. You know...not "definite", but definitely heading that direction...so it should at least be after that. But I do agree that it should be talked about before marriage to whatever degree the couple is comfortable with. There are some weird people out there with weird views of "normal". :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 16 Mar, 2010 09:51 AM When my pastor counciled my wife and me we did talk lightly about this and other issues.It was a light discussion.The pastor knew I had waited till I was married so we did not have to deal with all the issues some others have to. I did find out my ex had withheld some things. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 16 Mar, 2010 10:55 AM I do think that a couple should discuss (in general terms) some aspects of sex before the marriage, just so that there are not as many surprises after the wedding. I like what's been said about finding out what each person considers to be "normal," and even if both people are virgins, they are probably not totally ignorant and they probably have formed some opinions. Here's one other thing that I think is also important: the birth control discussion. First, you need to find out what the other person believes as far as birth control goes. You both need to agree on that before you even go very far into a relationship. If there are significant differences, you probably need to re-think the relationship. Once you agree on at least the basics of birth control, and once you are planning to get married, you need to figure out exactly how you are going prevent pregnancy. That needs to be decided upon sometime before the wedding (I'd say up to a month or so in advance, but probably not much earlier). I don't figure I'll have time between the ceremony and the wedding night to figure out what precautions we're taking, and I don't really want a honeymoon baby. Post Reply
babybird56 View Profile History	Is there a right time to talk about sex? Posted : 16 Mar, 2010 07:57 PM I think if two people down the road think "Marriage" in the final step in a relationship then both man and woman should seek guidance from the Pastor to be sure that "marriage" is the right thing to do. All topics will arise in guidance from the Pastor and along with sex topic and how each other voices their opinion on the sex should be JUST within the vows of "Marriage" and should be taken seriously Other issues such as where to live after marriage will arise as well as money, sharing of expenses, if one partner stays at home or both go to work, how to agree to disagree in arguing, how chores should be divided ect. What if location arises and one person wants to stay put but someone has to make a move and leave their loved ones and start fresh in a new marriage All these things should be taken into consideration as well as the sex talk because that is ONLY a small piece of a bigger puzzle that both must agree to disagree before taking the step into Marriage Do it for the right reasons, Love of husband/wife and love of God All these things will fall into place if its right in your heart Post Reply

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