A Revelation About The Relationships I Have Been Choosing
Posted : 16 Aug, 2009 10:02 AM
It always seems devistating to think we have finally discovered the "one" God would have in our lives and then suddenly it seems out of no where they leave us. It is heartbreaking to say the least. This has happened to the last two men I had become serious with and in my soul searching to try to figure out what happened, God has given to me the greatest revelation about myself!
We are all different and at differnt levels of understanding in the Lord. We are also at different levels of growth as well. Our Lord telling us to not be unequally yoked is not just a suggestion on His part but it is a requirement for a good relationship! This is one requirement that we should never compromise!
I started to think that there was either something really wrong with me or something really wrong with Christian men! I could not for the life of me figure out how I could be so deeply in love with a man for many months, and in all appearance he felt the same, and then to find he dumps me just like I did not exsist! I groped for an answer and often I begged God to just take the heartache away. It was heart wrenching and I found myself in a place where I could not stand any more!
Then God sat me down in my room one morning and He had me take a real good look at the last intense relationship I thought I was having. I had my note pad and pen ready. Obviously "we" were going to make a list. This list was not the list of all the great things this man and I did together or the good memories. Those are the things we tend to think of and have heartaches over after the breakup has occured and a few weeks have gone by. We start to miss those good times and that loving feeling and then we begin to ache inside in that sense of loss that begins to happen. This was obviously different this time! God had me make a list of all the things I could look back on and saw were NOT compatable and things that were red flags I should have seen when we were dating!
Much to my surprise, when I was done, I had not one page but TWO pages of stuff that I most likely would not be able to tolerate later on and if I were to make a final commitment with this man would eventually regret my decision or think I could some how change those things in him when I know full well that I can not. I had two pages of proof that the relationship was not a good one for me and that God was protecting me by allowing it to end!
I thought to myself, "How could I miss those things while we were dating? How could I have been so blind?"
Well, I know as a counselor that all relationships go through the attraction phase and we fall in love, see only the best things we desire to see, and become infatuated with the great gift we appear to have in front of us! We have to experience this phase or no one would ever couple and the world would not populate! There was something else that I did not realize was going on during this time, though!
As a Christian believer who loves Jesus, I saw Jesus in this man! I saw the part of him that loves the Lord as much as I do and his desire to serve and worship God! I am extremely attracted to this in anyone because I love the Lord! In fact, I loved this part of him so much that I totally ignored the red flags in him that I should have been paying attention to!
When I was done with my list, I realized that I was never in love with this man at all. I am in love with my Jesus and THAT is the part of him I wanted and desired in flesh form!
Now, I realize that Jesus is perfect and there will be no man who ever will be perfect, but, God will have the right one for me and he will not have two pages of red flags that I can come up with. He will be a work in progress as we all are, but our compatability in Christ will be much more closely yoked. This man will always be around me no matter what happens and no matter how much time will pass. The personal love and friendship will always endure because we are equal in our walk with Christ. We will be balanced.
A yoke is what was used to bound two oxen together so they could work the fields together. If that yoke is uneven then one would be lower then the other in the field and would be a heavy weight to carry. The field would not be easily worked and the ground not correctly prepared for the harvest that would come later. It is the same with relationships. If we are unequally yoked then one person will always be dragging the other and the unhappiness would never cultivate a ground that would bring a good harvest for Christ in that marriage or in service.
The lesson learned here is to look from the very beginning and ask God for good discernment to see those red flags from the start before two people become more deeply involved and to break up would be difficult on both.
I don't see my time as having been wasted at all. I know that now I have learned the lesson and with it learned it gives way for God to bring the one who truly will be equal with me in all ways because God has chosen by His standards and not just me wanting to see Jesus in someone else. God has given to me His standards and His Spirit to help me choose with wisdom from the very start.
There is no doubt the Lord is proud that I love Him so much that I would look for Him in others and fall in love with them! That is what we are supposed to do! Yet, when it comes to choosing a life mate, there are those equal qualities and callings that make it very important to pay attention in the choosing!
I hope this message saves some of you some heartache down the line or even help to heal the heartache you are feeling now. God has someone for you! Please wait on Him and use wisdom in your choosing! You will be so blessed that you do!
A Revelation About The Relationships I Have Been Choosing
Posted : 23 Aug, 2009 11:26 AM
FAITH HAS NO WISH LISTS!
Jenine, as I was reading this post, your words of, "WHEN I WAS DONE WITH MY WISH LIST, I realized that I was never in love with this man at all. I am in love with my Jesus and THAT is the part of him I wanted and desired in flesh form," jumped out at me, and immediatley I knew you were not walking by faith in regards to waiting on the Lord, nor were you seeking the "TRUE LIGHT," of which David wrote, that is to light your way in life.
Faith is a hard thing to grasp, to the human faculties of reason and logic; that that we are to walk by the pure faith, of Abraham, of whom it is written, "ABRAHAM WENT NOT KNOWING!"
It takes the Holy Spirit's power to cause us to not seek what we see, and instead, look for the values of real faith in an individual, or anything in life, and all of those things are revealed by the Holy Spirit, in every given situation.
Your comments establish that you are thinking that the decisions by which you are to go in life, may be made by you; but, you are not really comprehending what the Lord is saying to you, by the failures of these relationships you have been choosing. In every case, the Father has blocked your will from being accomplished. So do not worry, His will is being done in your life, regardless of whether or not you see it, understand it, or agree with it!
"HE WORKETH ALL THINGS AFTER THE COUNSEL OF HIS WILL!" [Eph 1:11]
"AND HE DOETH ACCORDING TO HIS WILL IN THE ARMY OF HEAVEN, AND AMONG THE INHABITANTS OF EARTH, AND NONE CAN STAY HIS HAND, OR SAY TO HIM, 'WHAT DOEST THOU?'" [Daniel 4:35]
May He enable you to walk by faith and not by sight!
A Revelation About The Relationships I Have Been Choosing
Posted : 23 Aug, 2009 08:56 PM
WHEN WILL YOU QUIT PLAYING GOD?
Jenine, after having read your profile, and seeing how you portray yourself as being sooo... romantic [You who have not seen it, go read it]; I set out to encourage you to not be so open, and allow yourself to be taken advantage of emotionally; even going so far as to want to believe that your heart was genuine, giving you the benefit of the doubt; but after having received the return email response, which was so COLD, I can see now how you got yourself into the relationship problem, wherein you complained that your personal judgments were impaired. You spend too much time trying to catch a man, and not enough time being real.
As a Man of God, I personally would not want to experience what you demonstrated in that email response ever again in my life; perhaps the guy you are writing of, found out what I did? You are not right! No one who walks by faith, maintains a list of "RED FLAGS," regarding what they do, or do not like about someone; but trusts in the Lord to lead them, knowing that He will see them through!
Mama always said, "there are always two sides to every story!"
A Revelation About The Relationships I Have Been Choosing
Posted : 23 Aug, 2009 09:08 PM
WHERE IS THE MATURITY IN THIS STATEMENT?
"Well, I know as a counselor that all relationships go through the attraction phase and we fall in love, see only the best things we desire to see, and become infatuated with the great gift we appear to have in front of us! We have to experience this phase or no one would ever couple and the world would not populate! There was something else that I did not realize was going on during this time, though!"
You are clearly walking by sight, as is evident in the worldly statements about "attraction phase, and "we fall in love," and "see only the best things we desire to see," and "and become infatuated with the great gift we appear to have in front of us," and "We have to experience this phase or no one would ever couple and the world would not populate!"
You may see relationships and life as being governed by man; but the Word of God states that the Lord "DOETH HIS WILL IN THE ARMY OF HEAVEN, AND AMONG THE INHABITANTS OF EARTH; AND NONE CAN STAY HIS HAND, OR SAY TO HIM, 'WHAT DOEST THOU?'"
