When things are at times not making sense, I meditate on Joseph & he's brothers who betrayed him & sold him to foreigners who also sold him to Egyptians hense he ended up serving in Pharaoh palace. That has been comforting me in a way, and it made it seem normal to be kicked out or rejected.
Just as Joseph came through for he's family in the hour of hunger (when he's brothers didn't recognize him anymore) when they came to buy food in Egypt, so do I expect to somehow come through for my family in maybe years to come, meeting their need if I will be able depending on what will they be needing at that specific time.
My daily prayer is that I do all genuinely without complaining or manifesting an emotion of revenge.
But now things are kinda moving on a faster lane. This year infact life has been hectic, i've really been overwhelmed in all areas of my life. Everything had to happen quickly. Bigger decisions had to be made without waiting, it called for it.
Can't help it but to sometimes think i'm gonna fall & have to be taken to hospital. My spirit is tired (now tears are coming out as i'm typing) its been too much to handle at once, at times I feel i'm gonna have stroke, but its just me feeling that, I may not have it hopefully through God's grace. That's the last thing I need cause I only have myself now.
One of the things that are taking place earlier than expected is my family seeking for me. I don't need that now. I'm in a process of forgiving & acceptance of rejection that was done in a most humiliating way, its somehow registered in my mind cause now that's the only thought i'm left with in remembrance of my father.
I new they gonna look for me, though not this soon. Most probably the interntions are not even good, its only so I can meet expenses. Oh well its family what can I say, they use you for their benefit at times. The thing is now this frustrates my current activities of dealing with this. Voice massages take me 100steps backwards, don't wanna hear their voices right now. Can't even change my cell mumbers for work sake.
I don't know what to do hey,
I'm not punishing them by ignoring their calls,
Not even angry anymore with them, they just not what I need right now.
Hi Sisygirl, don't know exactly how to respond. �It sounds like you mostly need some words of encouragement.
My ladies Sunday School class talked about anxiety and frustration...the verses struck me as having relevancy to you, too. �My teacher selected a few...as I reread them this afternoon, I'm expanding some of the passages because there were more good nuggets surrounding the verses.
Know that God has you in the palms of His hand...and He cares about you.
Isaiah 41:10�Fear thou not; for I am with thee:�be not dismayed; for I am thy God:�I will strengthen thee;�yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
11 Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded:�they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish.
12 Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them, even them that contended with thee:�they that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought.
13 For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand,�saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
Isaiah 49:13�Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth;�and break forth into singing, O mountains:�for the Lord hath comforted his people,�and will have mercy upon his afflicted.
14 But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me,�and my Lord hath forgotten me.
15 Can a woman forget her sucking child,�that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?�yea, they may forget,�yet will I not forget thee.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;�thy walls are continually before me.
17 Thy children shall make haste;�thy destroyers and they that made thee waste shall go forth of thee.
Psalms 40:1��I waited patiently for the Lord;�and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay,�and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth,�even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.
4 Blessed is that man that maketh the Lord his trust,�and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
5 Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done,�and thy thoughts which are to us- ward:�they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee:�if I would declare and speak of them,�they are more than can be numbered.
6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire;�mine ears hast thou opened:
burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
7 Then said I, Lo, I come:�in the volume of the book it is written of me,
8 I delight to do thy will, O my God:�yea, thy law is within my heart.
9 I have preached righteousness in the great congregation:�lo, I have not refrained my lips,�O Lord, thou knowest.
10 I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart;�I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation:�I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.
11 Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O Lord:�let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.
12 For innumerable evils have compassed me about:�mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up;�they are more than the hairs of mine head:therefore my heart faileth me.
13 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me:�O Lord, make haste to help me.
14 Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it;�let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil.
15 Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame�that say unto me, Aha, aha.
16 Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee:�let such as love thy salvation say continually, The Lord be magnified.
17 But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me:�thou art my help and my deliverer;�make no tarrying, O my God.
1 John 3:1�Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God:therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.
1 John 4:18�There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.�
Your tears are beautiful because they are cleansing out the old and making room for new. You are being renewed through trials and will come out more of a daughter of God. Wait and see.......
I know it hurts. I have just found out that my long lost sister who was placed up for closed adoption when I was 4 was found by my other sister.
God is working in our lives to work out His kingdom which is praise in our hearts toward Him.
Feel for you Sis... some days are tough and some seasons in life are long and tougher. One thing that you may also identify with is in 1 kings 18-19 concerning Elijah and though God had proved he was the only true God by great signs and wonders in ch. 18 still Elijah being a man grew weary as we all tend to do. In ch. 19 does deals with him in a most wonderful and peculiar way... read it and see. I'm no scholar or one to give advice, others here are much better suited, but it's good to lay your heart out before God and then after the wind and earth quakes and the fire, hear the small voice of the Lord dear.
I may not have much to tell you my dear sister but am happy for the great words of encouragement from our dear friends in the Lord,teach b,lethismind and one sojouner.
They have given you good words and bible verses that are encouraging.
Take heart my sister,hold unto the Lord,trust in Him,He will never forsake you.
Times can be hard and tough but our God,the only true friend you can have,will never forsake you.
Read the bible verses you are given by the others you will find strength in them.
Take time and pray about it God will reveal Himself to you.
If it comes the time to meet them,you will,don't talk much with them but let them know you have forgiven them.
Thank you my brothers & sisters for every passage shared from the bible, its as if you know that I some times don't know where to read.
Teach you're amazing
Can't say enough how much I appreciate you,
It was for such a time that I should meet you I suppose.
LTM
Your ironic way of relating opposit things & somehow make sense of them,
Think I'm adapting to that. Last you said "suffering & pain purifies ones' heart" still not over those words yet
Now you saying "my tears are cleaning out the old & making room for new..." you reflect a poet dear.
Then I won't hold back, i'll just let these tears come out.
One Sojouner
You've just given the best advice too dear. I always enjoy reading that passage about Elijah, its very interesting & seems weigh different from the previous time everytime one reads through it again. Much appreciation for your imput dear.
Lukia my beloved sister
I'm not looking forth to that day if I should be honest. The current distance & peace is what I need, tired of noise & arguments. Being told by my lawyer that I really could be loosing the court case was something else now. A chapter I don't wanna open yet. No one's willing to testify or say anything about being abused in my family, suppose they condone this, so that's just about it. My brother could just get away with rape (since I took too long to report) let alone the drama with my father on the other side whose fuming that I shamed & exposed he's precious son (my 40year old brother) should have stayed adopted, seems I wanted it...... Those were he's words. They don't hurt me anymore though when I think of them, suppose healing was taking place.
Thank you guys & ladies
You are my online family & friends now
Having accepted & loved me knowing my very worst flops, now that the genuineness of acceptance,
It begins with where one is coming from, we don't skip steps. Its quite a risky step though, one may not always be accepted after this. I'm certainly fortunate to have you guys.
