How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 27 Jun, 2013 03:05 AM
Please excuse my openness. As some of you know finding a christian relationship or searching for a spouse can be tricky to say the least. That's why most of us are on this site right? Well some of the topics I'm about to address regards physical attraction and is quite open. Some of you may not have the same opinions as me or feelings.. But please don't judge me for being honest. My question is how important is physical attraction in a God centered relationship?
A little background on me: I am a young woman saving myself for marriage. I am doing so to honor God and my future husband. Resisting temptation has not always been easy. But I have kept myself pure to honor the promise I made to God and for many other reasons. Although I have kept myself pure physically, I'm sure everyone (if they are willing to admit it) has lusted against someone in at least their minds. We all sin.
My thing is.. Since I plan on only marrying once, and I'm keeping myself pure until marriage.. When in a christian relationship is it or is it even appropriate to discuss sexual desires in the context of if the couple were to get married? Because I'm going to be honest since I only plan on having one partner, I don't want there to be a huge hindrance when it comes to desires. Sex is an important aspect of a marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5
"For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
If there are major differences in desires between a couple then there can be problems in the marriage. Wives are not to deprive their husbands. Husbands are not to deprive their wives. It works both ways. I've not really heard of when it is appropriate.. But I definitely don't think the couple should just leave one another in the dark until after the marriage. Married couples should not deprive one another. So being in sink with one another I think is important.
Also how important is physical attraction? I mean it fuels whether or not the couple will desire one another sometimes right? I'm not saying that looks are the most important thing. Because I've become attracted to certain guys after I got to know them. But how important should it be?
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 27 Jun, 2013 04:15 AM
I would have to ask everyone this question, What is the Godly source of physical attraction?
When I was a young man I used to become excited only at the sight of a pretty girl. Is this Godly physical attraction?
The when I would meet and date a young lady just sinple touch would bring excitement to me, is this the source of Godly attraction?
Throughout my marriage we had much trouble with intimacy and the physical relationship because neither of us learned what Godly attraction and intimacy looks like.
It is within unconditional love that true attraction and intimacy develops. The bond that comes through unity in Spirit and emotional release through conversation is greater than any physical release.
Today My feincee is 7000 miles away and our relationship is mostly by phone. We skype also but today my attraction or arrous,el is not based in her physical beauty but in our expression of love and respect to eachother. In our unity of Spirit when we pray and share. In our ability to resolve conflict.
I must admit when we are having a fight it makes me excited some times because I am sure we will work it out together in the end and will feel even closer after. Conflict when engaged in a Godly way always porduces the fruit of greater intimacy.
To answer your question about when It is appropriate to discuss such things with a possible mate? It is when you have decided to become engaged and are fully commited to oneanother. This time you should have found unity in everyother area of your relationship first before conversing about the physical.
The physical often times and most often is very easy to talk about because it is all around us. This physical is a crude unfulfilling substitute for the real thing. Without unconditional love it is only a false act. A empty act leading to self loathing.
I am thankful that you are keeping your self and you are right with my adult daughter. When you young ladies keep your selves you force us young men to grow up and be men.
Your keeping your self and being so desirable to young men will produce a good result in our culture as you young people stand for purity and find the answers to true intimacy.
My feincee will attest that because I have protected her and kept her purity as the bible tells me that has produced a great trust. When a boy serves his own flesh by taking the flesh of his girl or woman he is not loving her but himself.
Do not allow a boy to love his self at your expense no matter how attracted you feel to him. Dont allow his lies of telling he loves you to be a motivator of giving your self to him either. If he loves you he will preserve your honor.
In marriage and the safety of the commitment the unity of Spirit and emotion will automatically bring the fruit of physical release. I believe the scripture you quote and the reason that the couple be not tempted by satin.
Just as the enemy come to kill steal and destroy young couples testimony by having them engage in activities that honor not oneanother and honor not God. He also seeks to break down marriages that honor God by bringing isolation to husbands and wives. This is why learning to forgive and extend understanding and mercy in the act of Grace is so important. The grace act of giving of one self to your spouse will help break down walls between couples in time allowing then to once again begin to talk about the issues of life.
When couples talk about the issues they are able to resolve them and find repentence and redemption together at the foot of the cross. Reconcilliation is the very fruit of a godly spirit filled couple and the enemy hates reconcilliation. This is why their are so many lies by leadership in the church telling couples that it is alright to divorce and remarry.
This lie is from the pit of hell and many if not most church leaders promote this lie in some way or another. This lie stops the possibility for reconcilliation and these leaders become guilty in promoting adultry in the church.
The church needs to repent of this and it is up to you young people to speak out against such lies.
God bless, love you dear sister in Christ.
Michael, servent of the most High God and His body.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 27 Jun, 2013 05:51 AM
I'd say it's really important, but I also think people need to be fair and not expect anything that they don't have to offer, and I'll let everyone make up their own specifics for that. I know that this topic is very important to me, and I do think the bible has quite a bit to say about it. There are principles about this topic in the bible, such as the song of Solomon, or some of Paul's writings. Proverbs 5 is a good chapter on this topic. Paul touches on a few reasons for marriage and some marriage behavior, and he does talk about sex.
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
The main idea of those verses is "to avoid fornication". To me, that implies that each spouse should be mentally and/or physically satisfied and attracted to their partner, because if they aren't satisfied or attracted, they are much more likely to wish for something they don't have and commit adultery/fornication.
As far as "talking about it" goes, it's kind of dangerous ground, and I do think that it should wait until it's decided that the relationship will be at least semi long term(unless it comes up before that). I'm also of the opinion that real love will make this less and less important and easier to compromise on some serious differences as time goes on, but I think it should be discussed just like any other topic involving potential issues with the relationship. The bible mentions that if you start to act "inappropriately" with your "betrothed", then you should start thinking about marriage, and maybe that is a good time to discuss it, but personally, I would prefer to bring it up as soon as possible. In our current environment, people who have "waited" are almost the exception, so I would say it's more important to make our intentions known ASAP since we do have a more predefined stance on the issue.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 27 Jun, 2013 08:38 PM
It is so refreshing to read comments of other dedicated Christians who truly seek God's will & want so much to live a clean & pure life :applause::applause::applause:
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 29 Jun, 2013 08:27 PM
"My question is how important is physical attraction in a God centered relationship?"
It is quite important. If someone looks ugly or bad, I won't even send a message. But what does all this have to do with sex? Let's stay on subject here. The question was physical attraction, which is this: on a scale of 1 to 10, how attractive do you find this person? For me, I find tens highly unattractive. Nines are okay. Seven and eight are perfect. Anything below that is not really interesting. But this is just me. Everybody has different taste.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 20 Jul, 2013 04:12 PM
well, thank you ...all of the messages were so good and it is so nice to hear from a pure young lady who is not promiscuous , and who really wants to obey God and do things His way ...for that cheap worldly behavior is so prevalent these days & I wiosh more young men and women would respect themselves and their bodies ...
it is so nice to see other men and women who have such good ethics and morals and whose truest desire is to be Pure and clean and seek the Lord & I know that God will bless us all mightily for that if we seek Him and His righteousness all these wonderful things will be added unto us :applause:
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 20 Jul, 2013 04:20 PM
to the poster called alive ...
physical attraction is important but not nearly as important as you make it sound ...the real beauty of a person comes from within and even if someone is good looking on the outside, those looks will soon wear very thin & if they are not good looking and beautiful on the inside , their ugliness will ultimately win over the mere veneer of their exterior
i think that you missed the op's message here and your message is all about outward looks ...and nothing more ..i think it is very cheap and superficial to judge a person entirely by their looks and the fact that you would rate them in terms of whether they are a nine or a ten shows me you seem to be very shallow and for someone who puts so much gravity on what someone looks like ...amazingly you don't even show us who you are or what you look like :zzzz:
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 23 Jul, 2013 06:36 PM
I guess I am different in I tend to get to know someone based on their behavior and how they conduct them selves and not on a scale of 1 to 10. does there need to be atlease a hint of attraction yes but the physical looks will fade over time than what will you do leave that person when they can not measure up to your standards.
To the man with the long list of requirements you say that she must not be focused on looks alone and yet you rate her as a number how is that right?
