Author	Thread: Kinda lost here, can anyone help?
Admin	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 17 Feb, 2012 05:48 PM Okay, so here's the situation. I have had this experience with another Christian dating site as well, and it always goes the same way. I try to take girls' advice to "take the first step" by sending them a message. Then I wait, anywhere from several days to a month, in which no reply is ever sent. So I try again, just to be sure they are actually even on the site anymore. Still nothing. To make matters worse, on both sites you can actually know when your messages are read. And mine have been. And ignored. Am I alone here? Does anyone else ever have this problem, and are a lot of women out there as uncaring as I am finding? Please help!! Thanks and God bless! Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 17 Feb, 2012 11:06 PM Yep. I'm 0 for 4 or 5 this week. Try not to take it too hard. My strategies are to expect that to happen and not think or worry about it. It allows me to just accept it and go about my day. lol, actually the 4th or 5th message I wrote all I said was "I don't know what the magic words are to get a reply on here. Just wanted to say I like your profile." or something like that. It was pretty funny. I just didn't even care. I mean I did, but I also know how it goes. Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 17 Feb, 2012 11:12 PM Well I understand your point of view, but I can't help but think that it is wrong to simply leave someone without a reply. It is rude and shows that you do not care enough about the other person to even bother with them. I know sometimes there is a fear of hurting the other person's feelings, but I try to make it quite clear that I consider no response WAY more hurtful than probably even an insult. The question is, do you consider the other person as even worth your time/effort? That is what bothers me. Silence can often speak volumes, indeed. And sure, they may be unaware of this. But I also try to follow up by asking them what is going on and why they are unresponsive, clarifying that I don't mind if they hurt my feelings. I just want SOMETHING, that's all. Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 17 Feb, 2012 11:18 PM Oh and one other thing. I know people may say "They're just websites, don't take it so seriously" or something to that effect. Well, to be quite frank, I take this seriously because you're dealing with people. And people matter. It doesn't matter if you are talking about a social site like Facebook or Twitter or a DATING site like this, you are not just dealing with the site itself or some character in a game. If anyone walked up to someone else and said anything, the other person usually would at least react and/or respond to what the first person said. Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 17 Feb, 2012 11:53 PM I think the same thing, but also realize it's not going to change. The sooner you let go of the ideals you have for women and dating and online dating and embrace reality the better because you won't get tripped up when the two don't match. And reality is that very few will reply to messages no matter what you do. Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 18 Feb, 2012 12:09 AM Well is that what we're supposed to do with life? Just accept things the way they are instead of hoping and striving for something better? And this is not necessarily an ideal restricted to women/dating. I firmly believe that it is foundational for any relationship to work, period. I guess one could simply call it clear communication. The problem is, communication happens whether people know it or not, and even unintentionally. I also try to take people at their word, which may be a bit under-cautious, but when a woman on here says something like "I am looking for" or other similar phrases indicating a DESIRE to meet guys and COMMUNICATE with them, it astounds me that so little communication occurs. So either they must be 1) lying or 2) apathetic. Does that make sense? Am I missing something? Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 18 Feb, 2012 03:06 AM Well is that what we're supposed to do with life? Just accept things the way they are instead of hoping and striving for something better? ^Not all the time, I was referring more to accepting the things you can't change, like 9/11 or women not replying to emails. Does that make sense? Am I missing something? ^There is the high chance she just decided she just didn't want to communicate with you specifically. What can ya do? I mean do you really have to understand why in order to move on or can you just accept it? Because I'll tell you now, you will never completely understand why so you're going to have to find a way to be okay with that. Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 18 Feb, 2012 05:58 AM May I step in and say I agree with both of you. And... it is not just women who do it. Men are very good at ignoring too! It seems to be the way of our culture these days. We have come to rely so much on electronic communication, which is faceless and somewhat annon, that we have dropped most of the formal, acceptable norms, including spelling, grammar, who you're speaking to, or who the potential audience is. Ever hear someone else's complete personal history as they talk to somebody on their cellphone in public? You'd think they were in a private room somewhere, but they are in a public place! To complicate things, there are probably 100,000 people (or more) on these websites and over time we have developed a candy-store mentality. You think there is so much to choose from that you get pickier and pickier about who you choose to even talk to... as if they were options and not people at all. "This one is too plain, that one doesn't spell very well, this one is heavier than the model I have in mind for myself, that one says 'like' too much (like, you know what I mean?? ) :ROFL: I would venture to guess that most people who come on Christian sites like these don't even pray about who to communicate with (me included -- drats!). If we really are relying on God in all things and not our own understanding, then 'Cheerleaders' (hate that name, even as an ex-cheerleader) is right in saying... "Don't let it worry you." If God has someone for you on one of these sites, then just give it to Him, make yourself available, live a Godly example (unaffected by the fact that others around you may not be) and have confidence that God knows and loves you so well that He wants to bring you the one that is right for you... not just anyone who writes a good profile! :yay: Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 18 Feb, 2012 08:32 AM Yeah, I know, sorry if I sounded one-sided, it's just from my experience no girl/woman has ever initiated anything with me. So when I try to make contact and it, well, flops, I get very discouraged because I feel I'm not approaching it in the right way or something. And I try not to let it get to me, but there's always that part of it that makes me want to demean myself because of it. Like I'm not handsome/cute enough or something to that effect. I know that's wrong, but that is honestly a feeling that often creeps in at the back of my mind when something like this occurs, and it has occurred. A LOT. Thank you for the encouragement though, it does mean a lot. May God grant us all the patience and wisdom to trust Him and make good decisions! Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 18 Feb, 2012 11:42 AM Your profile seems to be ok. Just a few thoughts, don�t know if they will apply to you. Don�t just send a �hey, how are you doing?� or a �You look cute.� Message. You want to start a conversation. Read over their profile and find something that you are interested in. Hopefully it will be an activity or a mutual interest. Ask open ended questions, such as what they enjoy about it. Ask them several questions, like two or three, so that they can pick and choose which topic they would rather pursue. Take some time so that it is obvious that you aren�t just spamming women with messages hoping someone will respond, but instead it will look like you are actually interested in them. I haven�t sent out very many messages, but I have about a 50% response rate doing that. It very rarely goes much beyond a message or two, but at least it�s a start. Oh, and why do many people not respond? I usually take the time to write something short, and sometimes women will write back trying to argue their position. Sometimes people just don�t want to deal with that, so it�s just easier not to respond. For me, it really helps when someone tells me the truth, so I prefer to get a rejection instead of just being ignored. Post Reply
View Profile History	Kinda lost here, can anyone help? Posted : 18 Feb, 2012 12:08 PM I might add to cobbler's advice, that if the woman writes you back and asks you questions, then answer them. Perhaps you would do this, but I have run onto a few guys that don't answer my questions, so the conversation doesn't go very far. I don't get a lot of messages, but I do try to answer them, even if I am not interested. Post Reply

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