Author	Thread: Things not going well with BF
Admin	Things not going well with BF Posted : 13 Aug, 2011 09:17 PM Hi Everyone, Well, I've written here before so hopefully I can get some wisdom from my brothers and sisters. Met a guy in Jan. He came to FL where I was staying with my parents. We(him/I) are from PA. We went to Clearwater/St. Augustine and had a GREAT time. I was almost SURE he was the one for me. When I got home in March, everything continued well. We both prayed for God's will in all of this, BUT we both knew we wanted to marry. We parted ways in May b/c he had to resolve issues with x.(boy did he resolve them!)I took him back with caution saying we should just date on weekends. I believe him when he says he believes what the Bible says about premarital sex. HOWEVER, what he believes is different from what has happened btwn us. I'm guilty too. We did 'everything but' the actual act. I believe this was our downfall. It started going good again and looked forward to a future with him. Saw his pastor twice/once separately. He ALLUDED to the fact that my BF hasn't been completely honest to the church about his x and their issues. Here I am again, faced with a decision to end it b/c he contacted a woman in my BS who he met twice. I KNOW for a fact that he's NOT into her at all. Believe me, she's not exactly attractive(not to be mean)in any way. I don't understand why he even did that in the first place. I'm thinking it fed his ego. He told me about it before my BS friend did, so I'll give him that. I need some advice here. We have another appt with his pastor and MY therapist. He has SO many good qualities that a man of God would have. Is this relationship worth saving?? Post Reply
i_live_in_canada View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 14 Aug, 2011 09:56 AM Sorry I'm a bit confused about your story :excited: Any ways from the sounds of it things might have moved too fast? It takes a long time to get to know some one well enough to say we should get mairred. After all marriage should be a life long commitment. After a few month I don't understand the part about counseling. Once again too much too fast. Instead of screwtanizing and trying to mold the relationship, let things unfold naturally over time. Have fun with each other with out all the pressure it sounds like has been added. Go out on walks. Do silly fun dates and stop trying to rush things. You want to rush it because of wanting the security of marriage. He wants sex so will go along with marriage. Both are the wrong reasons to get mairred. You need to build the foundation before adding a house. If not in time your house will crumble. My best wishes for you and him. Just take it slow!! Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 14 Aug, 2011 12:11 PM My advice is to go very s-l-o-w-l-y and cautiously. His pastor has already given you a strong warning/heads up that you MUST take into account. The man himself has already given you a clear indication of his character (by dating that woman) that you MUST take into account. You have been dating for months and these things are starting to come out. That's why everyone says to go slow. And as an aside to your comment: " Believe me, she's not exactly attractive(not to be mean)in any way." Ah... there is just no way to say those words and not be mean. Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 14 Aug, 2011 11:38 PM He sounds like he just wants to have sex honestly, if not from you than some one else no matter how unnattractive she is. I'm not saying he is or isn't and could be totally offtrack because this story had a lot to keep track of and kinda vague, so I'll just advise very strongly: Do yourself a huge favor and don't believe just what you want to believe. I've seen women get totally blindsided because of this and it messed them up bad because the guy was just telling her what she wanted to hear when something completely different was going on in the background. I'd slow things way down till you can observe his behavior and attitude, rather than just making major commitments based on his (less than) good word. The other thing though is (and I don't know if this actually happened or not just off of your story), but if you KNOW he cheated on you, why in the world would you take him back? Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 15 Aug, 2011 01:20 PM Whatever this man's Character is before marriage, it probably will be after marriage. If he is cheating with a less attractive woman once, he maybe do it again. Great Looks is not always the main factor when men look for an affair. Just don't think Everything may change once you are married. JMO Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 15 Aug, 2011 01:20 PM Whatever this man's Character is before marriage, it probably will be after marriage. If he is cheating with a less attractive woman once, he maybe do it again. Great Looks is not always the main factor when men look for an affair. Just don't think Everything may change once you are married. JMO Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 17 Aug, 2011 04:14 PM If what your saying is true then know this...There is a satan and before he was cast out of heaven he was considered the most beautiful angel of all. Now that satan is fallen from his high position he still has much of his beauty to lure and tempt others to the hell he is heading towards.....so ask yourself.....Is this man really a Christian, does he truly repent of sin and trust Christ as lord and savior without anyone pressing him to do so or is he another fallen person with traces of the beauty God gave him that he uses to lure others to the hell he's heading towards? Does the holy spirit truly grieve in you for the lust you both committed? Does the holy spirit grieve in him too enough to where he has radically changed? This may scare you but if he is not truly a christian and you still want to be yoked with him then you are not a christian either. Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 1 Oct, 2011 10:35 AM OH MY GOSH!! Can someone gives this lady a clue?! Honey, if you have doubts this early.....WALK AWAY!! You know the answer to your situation, you just don't want to face. Let's review the facts: -broke up in May (way too soon for a breakup. HUGE RED FLAG...relationship is rocky!) -unresolved issues w/ his x (another red flag) -basically have sex even though you "didn't go all the way" (doesn't respect your boundaries (if you have any) and/or he doesn't "believe" what the Bible says about premarital sex or is willing to change his belief depending on whom he is with. RED flag!) -HIS pastor warns you about his CHARACTER (Isn't God amazing? Even when you don't want to listen He will send others to confirm what the Holy Spirit has already been warning you about!) -cheats on you w/ a woman you know (Do I even have to say anything on this one?) -you have brought in the pastor and therapist into the relationship (it's been less than a year!!) I'm confused. You stated: "He has SO many good qualities that a man of God would have." Really?! Didn't know God was into the business of making godly man into liars, cheaters, disrespectful of the woman he is dating, picks and choses what he believes in the Bible and with no backbone. At least not the God I know and serve. No, honey this "relationship" is not worth saving. But you already know that. Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 5 Oct, 2011 12:10 AM Thank you all for your great responses! Funny how we justify things in relationships and thank you LOVELYLADY for setting me straight! He took me to a day spa for my bday last month. He made it too hard that week. The evidence presents itself and he's no more... Now it's just praying for the FAITH that someone much better and more stable in their character, maturity, and faith will come along and NOT expect sex from me. I guess that's what REAL Christian men are about(no matter how difficult it is). OR praying for God's will for me whether married or single. Special thanks to the men who responded. Thanks to all for giving me the straight p**p! Cheers! (if you prefer non-alcoholic, pretend lol):Mug: Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 5 Oct, 2011 12:12 AM Btw, LovelyLady I did already know that on a subconscious level :waving: Post Reply
View Profile History	Things not going well with BF Posted : 4 Mar, 2013 07:35 AM HI ALL WELL THOUGHT COULD TOP THAT ONE AS THE ONE I WAS WITH OFF AN ON FOUR 4 YEARS LEFT HOUSE WITH ENGAGEMENT RING ON AN SAYING GOING HER MOTHERS OUT OF STATE WENT TO ANOTHER MANS HOUSE AN POSTED ON FACE BOOK ENGAGED NEXT DAY AN 3 DAYS LATER WAS MARRIED TO HIM . BLOWED MY MIND AN THAN AFTER COMING GET SOME STUFF SHE LEFT MY HOUSE POSTED MORE LIES AN SAY ABUSE AN MENTAL VERBAL AN SENCE I HAD WITTNESSES HERE SHE PLAYED OFF THAT TO LIKE SHE WAS SCARED OR BEING DOMINATED SOMEHOW CRAZY HOW THE DEVIL CAN TWIST ALL UP SIDE DOWN . EVEN AFTER THIS SHE TEX ME AN THOIGH I HAVE NEVER ANSWERED. HAD CALL POLICE AN REPORTED CASE OF SENCE SHE HAS GOT THIS NEW GUY BELIEVING SO MANY LIES THIS WOMAN WILL GET SOMEONE KILLED OR MAYBE EVEN HER SELF SEE IT HAPPEN . VERY SAD SO NOW SHE HAS ON FACE BOOK IAM FAT FATBOY THAT I HAVE STALKED HER AN SO MUCH SUFF AN SAD LIES FROM HELL. FATHER HELP ME AS I FORGIVE HER BUT MAKE HER EVIL STOP . PEOPLE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AN THIS HER TO . SHE JUST NEVER WANTED LIVE FOR THE FATHER AN I BELIEVE HE WANTED US BOTH ON OUR KNEES BEFORE HIM TOGETHER HAVE HIS ATTENTION SHE NEVER WANTED BE BROKEN BEFORE HIM AN THOUGHT WAS GOING HAPPEN SOON EVEN TO THE DAY SHE LEFT. SHE WAS PLANING ON HAVING ME JUMPED BY HER NEW MAN AN FOUND OUT LATER . HE EVEN SENT ME A VERY PERVERTED TEX SO IAM SAVING THIS STUFF CASE POLICE NEED IT AS I DID CALL THEM TO . I WAS THE ABUSED ON FUNNY MAN HOLD BACK THERE FEELINGS AN QUITE DONT SAY THESE THING AN HOPE WILL CHANGE . THIS WOMAN HAD BEEN MARRIED 5 TIMES BEFORE SO YOU SEE I WANTED MAKE SURE THE FATHER WAS IN THIS AMEN. PLEASE PRAY AN I GET OVER THIS BATTLE FROM HELL , THANKS ALL YAH BLESS YOU ALL. ! Post Reply

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