Author	Thread: Friends First?
Admin	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 02:19 PM Okay, Here is my problem. I think that it is very important to know who the girl is before considering a dating relationship. This seems to be a problem for a lot of women. I treat them the way the bible says as sisters. The bible says to treat younger women as sisters. So therefore if it is not appropriate for a brother and sister then it is not appropriate for me to do with this girl I am getting to know. So why is it that most women I have met seem to think that it is not important to have boundaries physically and that friends first should be a must? Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 02:38 PM You're not gonna get me onboard with the whole "friends first" thing, but I would venture to say that the women without physical boundaries are likely either struggling a lot in their walk or just aren't truly Christian. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 02:42 PM Unfortunately most girls even crhistians tend to not have the same physically boundaries I have. For me a handshake or a short hug is all I am willing to concede to. And I feel it is very important to know the woman first before considering a datign relatinoship. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 03:17 PM I seem to have the opposit problem. Maybe we could swap dates :ROFL: Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 03:52 PM Ok, so they're not necessarily trying to get you to hop in bed with you, they just want a front hug instead of a side hug? That's definitely a better position to be in. As for getting to know someone, I absolutely agree it's necessary, but dating itself is about getting to know the other person, as you're dating for marriage. Casual dating up front once you click with a girl makes a lot more sense than setting up a confusing pretense of being in each other's friend zones though. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:00 PM I think there is a huge difference between having physical boundaries when dating and being "friends first". Certainly it is good to sett boundaries, but you can still having the expectation that you are dating. The problem with the friends thing is that how do you get passed being friends? If two people are just friends, well one of them can have many friends. The next thing ya know that person is in a relationship with someone else. Or one person just becomes very accepting of the other as a friend and suddenly can never think of them as anything else. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:14 PM Some women (note: some, not all) need that physical contact (note: I did not say s-e-x-) so they know the man finds them attractive. You might want to find ways to let her know you find her attractive without getting too physical. Also -- are you putting your expectations up front? Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:19 PM Having never dated I can't say my expectations were stated up front, but if I were to I would be very clear about the boundaries not changing unless there was a ring on my finger. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:22 PM I think the problem is that once you are "dating" then there is a level of expectation there. So I would like to get to know the woman in a not dating setting first. I think being clear is good so the physical does not cloud one's judgment as it is the last part of the process. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:38 PM I am a big fan of friends first. If you don't like someone it makes love a chore. The trick is not to get trapped in the friend category. This can be easily avoided be some occasional subtle flirtation, all awhile walking the friend first path. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Friends First? Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:55 PM There are only expectations if they go unaddressed. If you want to take things slow and not get serious quickly, be honest and communicate that. If you get a month into it and things come out that show you the two of you aren't marriage material, you tell her that. Make sure you're smart and only see each other once (twice max) a week though if you're just casually dating and not boyfriend/girlfriend. I've dated all kinds of different ways, and I suggest this based on experience. The longest relationship I've been in started rather quickly, while the shortest one I've been in, we did "friends first" for a while, and by the time we got around to getting romantic, we found out that we didn't work out as a couple at all. Post Reply

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