Author	Thread: Realistic Expectations?
Admin	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 07:47 AM I would like to hear peoples views on womens stated expectations in profiles. I find many of the profiles I read rather intimidating when it comes to what women want. I see women in the mid to late 30's or 40's who still list they want 3 or 4 kinds. They also want to be missionaries. They also expect the man to be "financially stable" (i read that as rich). In my view rather idealistic expectations are put out there which I find way to intimidating to try to commit to. What happened to two people just liking each other and making a go at life and what happens is what happens? Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 09:25 AM You have just revealed why some people are on this site and not already married to the one down the street, at work or at church. Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 10:29 AM Shawn67, I don't have any of that in my profile. To me financially stable, means that you can make it on your own and not being rich. My realistic expectations are for a Godly man, who loves God the most and then me second. He would be honest and trustworthy. I believe in finding someone and being married and that means taking the good and bad, and always working it out together, and being so committed to each other that you are willing to always work it out. I may not have realistic expectations but I won't settle for less than this either! I hope this helps answer your question. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 11:13 AM Just a week ago or so, a girl who lived nearby joined. I thought she was pretty and interesting, so I went to message her. While we're both 21, her age range was specifically 24-35. Who seriously has such a high opinion of themselves that they believe they are too mature for people their own age? You definitely have a point about women close to menopause and wanting another several kids too. I don't know if financially stable always means rich though. I think a lot of times it means that they're just looking for a man who isn't going to be mooching off them. For every woman with ridiculous expectations, I'm sure there's a 55 year old man with a beer gut looking for 22-25 year olds though. Post Reply
marikashome View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 11:45 AM Some of what we see on other's profiles may not be what we read into them. I say I'm open to having kids. One guy will run from that, thinking I want babies (which would be OK, but not life stopping or something to stress over). Another may breathe a sigh of relief, thinking I'd be open to raising his own three kids (which would be the more realistic understanding of my statement). Another might be wanting to adopt, and hope that I would be open to that as well (which would also be a possibility in my mind). If I want someone rich, I'll say I want to meet rich guys. Rich guys usually don't use free online dating sites, though, so I probably wouldn't be on here if that's what I was looking for. If I want someone who won't spend me into oblivion, then I'll say I want someone who's financially stable. Yes, there are many people who have unrealistic expectations on this site and in the world generally. But sometimes there are also people who over-evaluate or don't consider other perspectives or possible meanings behind certain phrases. And-not saying anyone posting has done this-that may show some unrealistic expectations on the part of some of those who are throwing out person after person because "they want too much" just by reading a short profile, as well. Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 03:18 PM Tulip has a point, it is DEFINITELY not just the women. Granted, men are often asking for slightly different unrealistic expectations. First thing I would do when I received a message from a man was read his profile, and the ones who messaged me almost always had written out specific physical characteristics they wanted, usually that I happened to fit into. That gave me the impression they were only messaging me because I met their physical specifications, and weakened (or eliminated) any chance they would have had with me. I even got a message from a man whose USERNAME specified his type (hint: it was about liking redheads). And it always struck me as strange that men I would have no interest in anyway would jump right in wanting to know my qualifications and why they should choose me. Personally, I find it a huge put-off when people list what they want on their profile. To me it reads as having a selfish attitude, or being judgmental. Now, people might not always mean that when they are making their profiles, but we cannot know what they were thinking. A lot of people who look on the internet have had little to no success in the �real world�, and some of the time I think you can see why right there on their profile: wanting the perfect man/woman while offering very little, expecting people to defer to their thoughts/opinions, and the like. Your profile is supposed to be a one-page summary of who you are, and if a great portion of what you wrote is about what YOU want, it makes you look like a selfish person. Besides, your profile should be about you, not the person you want to date. Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 06:37 PM The women could list just as many mens profiles that have unrealistic expectations. Others have said it well: there is nothing wrong with having expectations and stating them up front. But be realistic, and be led by God with what you list. Post Reply
paschen81 View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 07:26 PM twosparrows said: "You have just revealed why some people are on this site and not already married to the one down the street, at work or at church." I say: yes you said "some" which means you weren't making a blanket statement... however, what am I to do when "the one down the street" in the one to the south is already married with 4 kids, the one to the north is in his 60's the one to the west is in his 80's and the one to the east is 14 still living with his divorced mother. As for at work, there are currently 2 single guys I work with one is 19 (I'm 33 btw) and the other is 45 and gay. At church...all the guys are married except for 1 and he is 86. So any suggestions for being less picky for me? should I go after the gay guy? or try to grab the 19 year old who I have nothing in common with nor does he like beyond work related relationship? Should I try to date the 60 year old farmer up the road? He scares me though... he likes to sit on his porch with a shotgun in his lap... oh not to mention, I'm well aware that I'm physically not the type that just draws guys left and right. I know I have that strike against me. As such I am not so picky with a guys appearance since I know mine is not to standard Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 05:52 AM @Paschan Okay Paschan....just read this as I was about to head out the door...I can't take much time but I won't let it go. You said, "oh not to mention, I'm well aware that I'm physically not the type that just draws guys left and right. I know I have that strike against me. As such I am not so picky with a guys appearance since I know mine is not to standard." Whose standard are you discussing? There are a bunch of different men out there with a bunch of different standards...all of which are irrelevant to the true standard and that is God's. Your appearance most certainly is "to standard". Fearfully and wonderfully, God makes nothing that is not "to standard". Your identity is in Christ...not in the opinions of men which change with the tides. You are as God made you, for and according to His purpose and I defy anyone to say that you are not absolutely beautiful. Please, please, please take this into your spirit and treasure it. Now, I can't speak to what twosparrows meant when he said: "You have just revealed why some people are on this site and not already married to the one down the street, at work or at church." He's going to have answer that and if he's discussing pickiness, then please disclose to us why he is on this site. For those of us that live in small towns, work with a small number of people, attend churches with a low single population, etc., these sites afford an opportunity to branch out...not just for dating, but for Christian friendship around the world. Not so sure it has to do with pickiness, but opportunity. Relating back to the topic question...I think that a person's expectations be they idealistic or realistic are probably the same whether they looking down the street or on a dating site. The difference might be that in person, someone isn't going to walk around with a profile printed on their face for you to see. On-line, it is always out there in black and white and you can't miss it. Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 08:41 AM I feel like Sparrow is being unfairly called out. His statement was very simple and harmless. Yes, SOME people who are here probably are too picky and need a bigger pool; SOME people on here might be terrible daters; SOME might have a very small dating pool in their area. Everybody is on here for a different reason, and I don't think Sparrow is wrong for claiming that SOME are here for that particular reason. Sparrow is on here too, so if he was jumping to conclusions, he was doing so to himself as well. Post Reply
View Profile History	Realistic Expectations? Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 08:48 AM Paschen, I just wanted to affirm what GodsHandiwork said. (Which I appreciate her saying because I needed to hear it too!) You ARE beautiful, no matter what any guy says or thinks about you. I have struggled with body image issues for practically forever. One book that has helped me tremendously with this before is "Loving Your Body," by Dr. Deborah Newman. The copy I have is put out by Tyndale/Focus on the Family. It really helped me to appreciate what my body looks like TODAY, not what I hope it will look 6 months now, and also just to know that my self image is something that needs to be found in who I am in Christ and not in the # on the scale. Post Reply

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