Author	Thread: CHEATER
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 06:51 AM Could you reconcile with a spouse that cheated? If you did, is there anything YOU would do differently and what would you expect your spouse to do to reearn your trust? Post Reply
View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 07:19 AM Yes, I would do everything w/in my power to reconcile. Even if he cheated on me with a dozen women, I'd still want to reconcile. I wouldn't make marriage vows with someone who I wasn't prepared to truly stay with through even the worst issues and betrayals. I'm not sure about the second part... It would depend on what went wrong really. I think that affairs are the symptom of the actual problem. So, I would try to figure out (probably w/ the help of a counselor) what that bigger problem is and then go about doing whatever I needed to do to make it better. I would expect my hubby to be willing to make whatever changes he needed to make to fix things, also. Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 11:06 AM I agree with pixy that if you make marriage vows, you commit to work through anything. The Bible says if your spouse commits adultery, IF THEY'RE UNWILLING TO REPENT, then you can divorce them. But if they truly repent and they never do it again (if they DO do it again, then they were not truly repentant or committed to fixing the relationship the first time) then you do everything in your power to get to the root of the problem and fix it. This is not always the case, but in my opinion, when women cheat, it is because their emotional needs are not being met, and when men cheat it is because their physical needs are not being met. It would be very difficult for me to have sex with my husband again very soon after he cheated, but there is always a healing process. I think if every once in a while you spice it up or break from the normal routine, it will keep your man interested. I think a little role playing or some spiciness now and then will keep the heat going and is healthy. Too much role playing and spiciness and it becomes boring and nothing new. But once or twice a month if you throw in something new, it will keep that spark alive :applause: As far as meeting the wife's emotional needs, I think things like romantic gestures, helping around the house, just little things that show you care. Complimenting her, hugging her, listening to her, and other things like that are also important. Post Reply
View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 11:21 AM I tried to make my marriage work after he cheated, took me 3 long years after that to give up and say he was not going to change his lying ways. thats being said I did TRY for 3 years to make it work. I wanteed it to and for a LONG time after we divorced I would not even think about being with another man.. I can honestly say now that I would try very hard now. Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 06:04 PM Some people just don't change and it's very sad. I'm sorry you went through that Lady. Sounds like you did the right thing by cutting him loose. That is a very long time to try and hold things together. You must be an amazingly patient and forgiving woman! You deserve a really great guy, one who won't take advantage of your wonderful qualities. :applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 06:28 PM I'm going to be the black sheep here and boldly say that I don't know if I would reconcile. I think people get too caught up in the thinking that our vows are forever... they are, don't get me wrong, but I think it's pretty clear that for sexual disloyalty, divorce is permissible. I think maintaining a healthy marriage is more important than dragging out a dead one. Post Reply
View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 06:52 PM Tried to reconcile for about two years. He continued to cheat. One of girlfriends even came to my house one day while I was there and wanted to fight me - I told her if I was gonna knock out anyone, it would be the one who was breaking his marriage vows, not her. Anyway, he eventually moved out and we divorced. I can say with no guilt that I tried the best I could. (that was even before I accepted Christ!) Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 17 Oct, 2010 07:22 PM Yeah...that would be a huge breach in trust and I'm not sure I could get past it. It would depend largely on her attitude and the circumstances surrounding it, but if it was deliberate or premeditated there would be no way. Even if it wasn't those things, it would be very hard to even look at her unless she could prove she was unconscious or something. The bible does say that if they can be reconciled, that's excellent...but "adultery" is the only biblical grounds for divorce for a very good reason. It disintegrates the basis for trust in a marriage, and it would be hard to trust anything she did after that. :peace::peace: Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	CHEATER Posted : 18 Oct, 2010 04:10 PM One of my good friends said "she could not stand for him touch her" so she had to end the marriage. I have found in speaking with women who have been through this that if they say they will forgive the husband expects that to be the end of it. But you know as women we go through cycles. We can be ok one minute and then think about the fact that he took her to a cetain place and just start crying.... Post Reply