Author	Thread: TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL...
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL... Posted : 28 Sep, 2010 07:28 AM Ladies, armorofgod744 wrote in the topic A "friend", a "brother"... but not a boyfriend? Posted : 18 Sep, 2010 10:39 PM "Through this site, and a few others, from time to time I have been blessed with e-mail and IM exchanges that flow beautifully, and even progress to phone conversations. And then, the time comes to meet in person... and that's the end of it all. Almost invariably, the ladies tell me that I seem like a friend or a brother.... but they instantly write me off as someone they don't want to pursue any further toward a relationship. I'm at a total loss as to how to understand this... they tell me that I have a lot to offer to a girl (I'm a nice guy, very sincere, Godly, etc.), but they aren't interested" My question..Would you: 1. Politely tell him you did not feel it would work out? 2. Honestly tell him some things he could do differently speak the truth in love in why you are not interested? Why option 1 or why option 2? Post Reply
marikashome View Profile History	TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL... Posted : 28 Sep, 2010 08:22 AM It depends on the person. I'd probably stick with "It won't work" unless there was one thing in particular that he could easily do differently to make things work. Otherwise I'd feel like I was just deliberately downing the poor guy. Post Reply
View Profile History	TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL... Posted : 28 Sep, 2010 10:40 AM I have been on the receiving end of the, �You�re a really nice guy, but I just don�t think it will out� statement before. Do you mind if I give you some thoughts? Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL... Posted : 28 Sep, 2010 11:19 AM Please do!!:glow: Post Reply
View Profile History	TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL... Posted : 28 Sep, 2010 12:46 PM If the guys is being a jerk, then of course he doesn�t deserve your honest opinion. For me, I waited until I was about 27 before I started to date (or at least try to date), so I didn�t have a change to get any experience. Combined with the fact that I have a bit of a social learning disability, this has made it very difficult for me to have much of a dating life. I have heard the line many times about how great I am, and how I would make a great husband for some lucky woman (she must have been one of the unlucky ones) etc., etc., etc. But, I have always felt like I was being turned down because of something simple that I might have done that I would be glad to do different if I just knew. I�m not stubborn, I am willing to learn. So, my answer to your question, yes, PLEASE tell me how I can improve myself. To me it is a lot like that person who is at a party and has a piece of food stuck to their front teeth. Which is more embarrassing, having someone tell you so you can remove it, or getting home and find out that you talked to everyone all evening with it stuck to your front teeth. I personally would prefer to the short term embarrassment, and would think highly of the person who told me. Now, I fully understand that even if I did improve, that doesn�t mean that we would still be a good match, I just hate the thought of being turned down simply because I might have done something stupid that I had no idea I wasn�t supposed to do, or didn�t do something I should have done. Now, I can also see it from the woman�s point of view, because if you tell him how to improve himself, he might start begging for another chance, and you would just rather not deal with it. To me, I think that if you want to be kind to a guy, that is just a chance you should take. Who knows, he might actually turn out to be a wonderful guy. Post Reply
View Profile History	TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL... Posted : 2 Oct, 2010 08:46 PM If he has some sort of character flaw or appears to be the kind of person who doesn't take helpful criticism well, Option 1. Also, it's better not to offer up advice unless asked for, which is a principle I still struggle with. But there are some egos out there and you don't want to hurt or anger anybody unnecessarily. Post Reply