Author	Thread: Getting beyond friendship
stormcountry33 View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 09:22 AM How can we get beyond just being friends. Is it something that one or both of us do in a relationship? Is it something only God can do through both of us? Or can one individual in the relationship through actions sway the other to share the same kind of feelings towards them that they share for the other. It seems very common on here for ladies and men alike to want to be friends first and that we all find the importance of being a friend with your soulmate, but how does one take that friendship and turn into a loving and caring relationship not just as friends but so much more? Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 04:49 PM I was gonna leave this for the ladies to pick up, but since they haven't touched it, I'll give it a go. The best answer to your question is both yes and no. You attract women with who you are. That includes your actions, but also everything else about you. There is no three step process to getting a girl to like you. I can't tell you, "Say this, wear this, and give her this," and magically she'll have a crush on you. One of the problems that women have with, "nice guys" is that too often they try to do those nice things as a way to get the girl to like them, which is manipulative and far from genuine. Am I saying to be a rude jerk? Not at all. I'm just saying watch what you're doing and don't try to use things like paying for dinner, giving her compliments, or buying her gifts to obligate her to have feelings for you. Also, if it isn't there, it isn't there. So what do you do? You work on being the strongest man of God you can become and building the closest relationship with him you can. You make sure you don't give up your backbone just to make a girl happy. You work on the confidence that comes from being complete in Christ and not needing the approval of others. You take risks, and you set standards. You pursue a life and a purpose, not waiting on a woman to start that. Also, don't get too set on one woman before she shows any interest in you. Be careful with your time, and guard your heart, so that if she doesn't "feel it," then you aren't devastated. In time, whoever your wife ends up being, you'll see that she's better than all those other girls you didn't click with, and you didn't click with them for a reason. In the meantime, you life a fulfilling life, invest in your friends, walk with the Lord, and if God doesn't bring you a wife, it isn't that big a deal. Post Reply
View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 06:49 PM Tulip, I have a major disagreement with you. If guys are doing nice things in order to obligate or manipulate women to like them, then they are not nice guys, they are manipulators. That is one big frustration that I have seen over the years. I have seen nice guys do nice things for women, and women get creped out and run away because they think they are being manipulated, but if they gave a guy a chance and watched how he treated everyone, they would realize that he is just that, a really nice guy. I think that women are so used to guys not being nice that they have a hard time believing that there really is such a thing as a nice guy any more. There are, of course, guys that are simply manipulators, but the only way to know is to give him a chance to either prove himself right, or prove that he is a creep. BTW, paying for the meal, opening the door, for me that�s not being nice for the purpose of obligating, that�s just what a gentleman does, nothing more to it. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 11:01 PM If you took a survey of nice guys, I'm pretty sure that most all of them would tell you that the way to get a girl to like you is to take her out, buy her dinners, give her flowers, give her compliments, etc. While that's not the case with every guy, it's a serious pattern. Maybe we should call it being manipulative with good intentions. Post Reply
stormcountry33 View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 11:17 PM Thanks guys for your comments...yeah Tulup hopefully the ladies while comment soon, but I see what you're saying....Cobbler I agree that if I'm just beign nice, its sad that that would crepe a girl out...its sad because it gives me the sense that shes has been taken the fool. Ladies any thoughts on my original post? Post Reply
View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 11:24 PM Storm... I read this, but don't really have any words of wisdom. I'm trying to think of how things went w/ InHisHonor and I, but things really just happened naturally. I didn't even realize he really like me in that way, so it wasn't like he was doing anything really obvious to try to make me like him. I just asked him and he said that he would ask her if she would be interested in a more serious relationship. Post Reply
View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 07:49 AM Sorry for another guy opinion, but I just wanted to say that if this is about the ongoing thing you have for the girl and the situations you've posted a few times, it sounds like your friendship is real and genuine and just be true to it. A lot of people don't or can't have friends of the opposite sex and feel like it has to be all or nothing. You have a rare thing and I say be true to that. Don't try to force or change anything. Do the right thing because it's the right thing and because you care. Keep being a good friend and work on being a better friend and better person. The only dynamic I'd recommend improving and one thing you can always continue to do is develop your sense of self identity and what makes you distinct and be true to that too. Then as time goes by maybe you will get closer and closer till you are together. Be patient. Which is something else I think you can do that a lot of other people can't. And if later on down the road if it turns out you two go different ways, at least you will still be there for each other when you need a (real) friend as you have been and can be happy for each other because you both care. Just my take. Post Reply
View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 10:21 AM I gotta agree with what people have been saying here.. No one wants to break a friendship, like when eventually they become lovers, they are still friends, only it turns to be a romantic friends, the friendship was not broken. It takes three to tango, God, you and whom you choose to be your partner. One party is not dancing well, then the dance wouldn't be happened. And, no one can force feelings towards anyone. One person could work very hard to make it work (friends become lovers) then the partner doesn't agree, won't work out unless God changes his/her heart and makes him/her to fall for you. You and your partner make it work, but God doesn't agree, anything that is outside God's plans wouldn't be as beautiful as His plans. In Christian communities, I would say the most attractive value a person could have is the proof of his/her personal relationship with God and how it affects his/her the whole being. After that, comes Christ-likeness characters. True believers would be able to discern and it would attract them, not always romantically, maybe respectfully, etc. Women would want you to take an action, if you want to move forward to the next level, tell her. No other way. Just being nice would not bring you anywhere in getting her, since maybe she is waiting for you to make the first step. Don't give unclear signs. The problems I find in "nice" guys are, they usually give unclear signs. His friends would tell me that he was interested in me but I myself never heard anything came out from his mouth of he was attracted to me. Personal experiences on this one. Note: Love her with all your heart are wonderful, I see that you are a nice sincere guy and you do that out of love, no hidden motive. But, just don't get disappointed and have your heart crush when eventually things don't work out as you planned. If you think you can't handle this consequences, if I were you, I would back off since I know I would not be able to handle it. At most cases, if we invest too much in something and don't get anything in return, it would not be constructive to us. Unless we can face the truth that the things we have sowed, it might not be us that would reap it. =) Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 12:48 PM I've only scanned the other replies, so I might be repeating some stuff here... I think that the friendship goes from platonic to romantic when one person feels (after a lot of prayer) that taking that next step forward and being honest about his/her feelings toward the other person is worth the risk of ruining a good platonic friendship. If neither person is brave enough to take that step, then the friendship will remain platonic. I don't know how to tell you to judge the worth of taking the risk, though. I'm platonic friends with a guy, and while I'd gladly move to romantic friends if he suggested it, our friendship is still more important to me than my silly feelings. Because of that, I'm not ready to make the next step at this point. Anyway, if you want to get a better idea of how she feels about you, bring up dating or relationships in a conversation (keep it general). Or you might send her a card just to let her know you were thinking of her, or you might plan a special outing together. See how she reacts to those things. It might help you judge how she would react to an honest conversation about your feelings. Just be careful to always be yourself when trying to determine a girl's feelings. Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	Getting beyond friendship Posted : 26 Sep, 2010 07:20 PM I have not read everything below. Hopefully I am not repeating anything. Have a conversation with the woman and let her know you would like to pursue her romantically. If you have spent time with her and know she has the qualities you are looking for in a mate pursue her. Women tend go over and over actions that men do. Be clear and let her know what your intentions are. I have found that "some" men who do not want to be rejected tend not to like having "the talk" with a woman. I assure you she will respect you for stepping up and you will know she is interested in the same thing or she just wants you two to remain friends and you both can look romantically elsewhere.. Post Reply