Author	Thread: Would You Mind If I Use You?
Admin	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 12:32 PM My sister and I were conversing about a book she read in which the author was encouraging single Christian women to make sure they keep dating while they're single so that they can either work on their dating skills or keep their dating skills sharp for when Mr. Right comes along. Ladies, how many of you agree with this? Is this essentially using someone and would you tell him about your intent? Would you pay for the date/your classes? Post Reply
View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 06:36 PM There would have to be a lot of boundaries for me to feel comfortable with this Dating indiscriminatly (sp?) is one thing that is outside my boundaries Dating non-christians is another Dating "just to date" or "so I'm not bored" or "so I can put another notch in my belt" is another boundary I'm not willing to cross I think dating shold be done carefully, with wisdom from others, with prayer, and ...... more prayer Would I pay? NOPE Post Reply
View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 23 Sep, 2010 05:41 PM I personally feel that you should not "date" if you are not interested in the other person, as you could lead them on, and could eventually cause hurt feelings. If you are going to hang just as friends, that is one thing, but both parties should be in agreement. Post Reply
View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 01:08 AM How's she gonna meet "Mr. Right" if she's not out dating in the first place? I'm not sure how that is interpreted as using someone. Isn't dating about getting to know someone to figure out if you like hanging out with them for a second date, and eventually the consideration that they could be a potential mate? Now, if you are dating just to date, and have no interest whatsoever, I don't think you could realistically learn skills from the dates. I think the general idea when you are dating someone is that you are at least semi interested in something about them, and you'd like to learn more. If you date, and learn some skills in the process, then that's terrific. I wouldn't want to end marrying a guy who has no idea how to communicate with a woman, for instance. I'd like for him to have some general idea of what to expect in relating to me. I'd only think that a guy would want the same thing. That doesn't mean boundaries can't be kept. In the dating pool there are a lot of different ideas of what is acceptable and what is not. Also there are a lot of different motives. Some people are just looking to have fun, some looking for a serious relationship, others marriage, and still some others just to hook up. Hopefully, we take the time to get to know someone and their ideas of dating, and ascertain their motives, before the date. Likewise, they should have an idea of ours. I think it's silly to think that a woman will just sit and wait for Mr. Right to come to her doorstep. She's got to get out into the world and interact with others. She's got to meet men, speak to them, learn about what makes them tick. And then she can better determine exactly what it is she'd like to find. That doesn't mean she has to compromise any boundaries. Post Reply
View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 02:53 PM I think to date just to improve one's datings skills is a lot of hoopla! This sounds as if the book encourages serial dating. As a Christian, you should make your choice of whom to date wisely and the end result should be for finding companionship. I've heard this from co-workers, that she just goes out to get a free dinner or lunch, but that is using people and levels her down to a manipulator. A true Christian would not be a user. I say take that book and toss it to the wind! Post Reply
TLSmiles View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 08:52 PM First I think we should define "date" and "dating." For me, dating is not courtship. My father has given me similar advice since I was 13, on my first "date." How my father, and myself as a result of his guidance, define "dating" is getting to know someone in a group setting. Yes, there is a distinction that two people are more interested in each other, but they pay separately and are out with other people lest temptations arouse. As I got old and still "date," it is done individually seeing as I'm no longer 13, lol. Now, I "date" all the time, going out with many different people, on one date. There are "no strings attached" if you will, just two people enjoying themselves and seeing if this encounter may lead to courtship. If it become apparent that courtship is not in the picture, you just made a friend :) And in the process, I've learned more about myself, and can understand why this individual was not appropriate for courtship and be mindful of that reason for my next "date." Maybe I learned that we had a boring conversation because he wasn't too opinionated and I now know the person I'd like to date/court/marry should be opinionated. And yes, I am learning what it is like to interact with the opposite gender. I have a girlfriend who was home-schooled her whole life, no male friends until she got to college, got asked out, and freaked out! Very awkward, date ended badly ... Perhaps it could have been avoided if she went on group dates? Men and woman do think and perceive things differently. I don't think anything is wrong with dating, especially one date, as long as both parties are aware it is not courtship. Post Reply
TLSmiles View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 08:53 PM I should also add, I PAY MY OWN WAY ON EVERY DATE. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 26 Sep, 2010 03:52 PM Hmmm...okay. I don't know if my questions were presented clearly, so let me try to clarify. I was not implying that "dating" is wrong or to be discouraged. My question (and issue) is the motive behind the date. As FreshStart alluded to - the serial dater. No man dating in hopes of an eventual marriage wants to date the woman who has been encouraged to date for the distinct purpose of working on their dating sociological skills (as the book suggests). @ TLSmiles Umm...so, if you continually "date" someone exclusively, is it okay to say that you're "dating" that person? If I say I'm going out with someone to court them and we happen to go out with some mutual friends, am I courting...wait, I've done confused myself. Okay, so are we picking at verbs and gerunds? Post Reply
TLSmiles View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 26 Sep, 2010 05:24 PM I agree that the motive behind the date should always be interest. I wouldn't go on a date knowing good and well it would never work out. I would not date someone with whom I didn't feel some type of connection with for a "free meal / to alleviate boredom / to feel worthwhile because I have a date / etc." I think we may be agreeing? Maybe this is just a question of semantics? Holpcs, you nailed it on the head when you said "exclusively." I go on multiple dates to see our compatibility. When I see that we are, and we are exclusive, that transitions from dating to courtship. But I cannot get to courtship without first dating and knowing how we interact. Lol, and yes you can court someone and still go out with other people, the only difference between dating and courtship, as I believe, is that with courtship you are exclusively interested in one particular individual. However, you wouldn't know that had you not "dated" around and gotten to know different people in the process. So I pose a question, (not to steal the forum Holpcs!) would I be considered a serial dater? Post Reply
View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 26 Sep, 2010 06:45 PM Right, I think we're agreeing. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...lol. Hmm...well, when you say you go on multiple dates, do you mean you date multiple guys at the same time or you date one guy multiple times? Post Reply
TLSmiles View Profile History	Would You Mind If I Use You? Posted : 27 Sep, 2010 09:37 PM I date multiple guys, until one is becoming exclusive, then all other bets are off. Like if I go to the store and someone asks me out for coffee tomorrow. Then I go to the post office right after, and someone asks me to dinner for Saturday, I'm not going to say "no" to Mr. Post Office, I'm not exclusive with anyone. If after the dates one guy stands out and we want to be exclusive THEN I stop dating all others. I am aware this can be perceived that I'm a "player," but 1.) if you know me, me being a player is just HILARIOUS, and 2.) No one is getting the wrong idea we are not "boyfriend/girlfriend" it's a one date thing to see if this could be something more. And I think I've talked this subject to death now ... lol Post Reply

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