I can be quite tough, but I'm also very accepting & understanding.
I have not had the option of allowing someone else to comfort me or encourage me & it has made me more independent than the men (that I'm attracted to) like me to be.
I've dated men who loved me for my sunny disposition & positive outlook on things & ability to be VERY strong & encouraging for others. However, when I've had my weak moments & am in need of some1 coming through for me, they lost respect for & consequently abandoned me. (can't find a crying smiley:goofball:)
I am both logical & emotional & they can be divided a lot, so I would love to have a male friend who has the patience to talk things through with me (especially about us). The reasoning helps me process the feelings. However, the crazy part is qualifying the mister who is trustworthy enuf to get that close. waddya think about this internal conflict of mine?
I'm asking for some other perspectives to help process my views & be able to comfort myself?
"I would love to have a male friend who has the patience to talk things through with me"
I took the last one. Sorry! :goofball: j/k I'm sure there are others =)
I have had a similar issue... with guys and with friends. It's like some people only want 1/2 of me and just can't deal when my other side comes to the forefront. One issue that some of THOSE people ( :goofball: ) have is that they are either a) completely inflexible, or b) needy, in the sense that they need their friends/girlfriends to fill a very specific role, or a really *fun* combination of the two. These people are in relationships for what they can get, typically, rather than for what they can give. We all do this to some extent, but the people who abandon their friend/girlfriend because she shows off a different aspect of her personality than what they're accustomed to, do it to the extreme. This can be because they're shallow, for whatever reason that people are shallow, or because they're hiding behind their own walls and can't deal with you without exposing themselves. At any rate, it is THEIR problem. Well, usually... haha...
Proverbs 17:17
"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."
And, YES, a boyfriend is a friend and a brother in Christ before he is anything romantic to you. If he can't grasp that concept, then he isn't mature enough to have anything other than a platonic friendship w/ you.
As for "qualifying the mister who is trustworthy enuf to get that close," I think that trust takes time. Or some loopy allergy pills or something of the like to cause you to blurt! :goofball: For me, the guy needs to be super patient and intuitive. It's a good sign when he knows that I'm not really fine when I say I'm fine and when he can reassure me that he's there for me to talk to if I need to talk and when he really listens when I do talk and doesn't constantly interject advice and when he still talks to me the next day even after I've told him something awful about myself. Those things really help me to build trust. But it takes time to establish that level of closeness where those things flow naturally.
Also, try prayer. Actually, try that first! Pray for wisdom and discernment. The Lord WILL help you know who is worthy of your trust and who is not.
I have similar experiences. I have learned to be very careful who I allow into my "inner circle". I need to have non-needy people. People who can give as well as receive. Who will know me well enough to know when I need to be on the receiving end.
Finding that combination takes time and patience. Prayer. Lots of prayer. Guard your heart -- don't let your emotions get too involved right away. Time and God's discernment are the best ways you can find the right person for you.
thanks, pixy & lamb. you sound like me talking to myself. but-i'm tired of being my own best friend. it isn't as interesting when you could have a whole other personality in there to love. You're sweet. thx
