Author	Thread: Mysterious?
Admin	Mysterious? Posted : 31 May, 2010 09:55 PM I've noticed many Christian young ladies I've come into contact with have this big obsession with being "mysterious"? Now, I can't speak for every guy on this site, but I find this to be quite irksome. When a girl acts "mysterious", it leads me to one of two conclusions. One: "I'm not that interested in you." or Two: "I have trust issues." (IE - GIANT RED FLAG) Please, if any of you are of this "mysterious" mindset; can you back it up with scripture or at least good theology? Because the whole thing has me stumped and frustrated. :-| - Rodey Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 31 May, 2010 11:38 PM Be mysterious in return. Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 12:15 AM I can't speak to this issue with anything but my opinion. There is no scripture to support it. The Bible says to speak the truth in love. Unfortunately, both female Christian authors and secular media are telling girls that they shouldn't be too open with men, that they should hold something back. It goes along with the idea of guys liking the chase. Girls are told if they are mysterious, the guy will keep coming back for more. You guys will have to give feedback on my opinion, but my experience is that guys ask a girl out for a second date, not because they want to explore the secret recesses of her mind, but because of how they feel just being in her presence. Guys aren't that complicated. I think girls would do well to practice being blunt and succinct rather than mysterious. They need to learn to communicate in a manner that guys can understand and relate to. Simply her being a girl is enough of a mystery for most guys. Rodey, thank you for this thread and the chance to get misconceptions out in the open. You expressed your case well without attacking anyone and I hope it creates lots of discussion on how guys and girls can better communicate. Rose Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 09:58 AM if you are interested in a woman and you do not tell her, she thinks you all are just friends. would you expect her to treat you more special than she treats her other friends? if the answer is yes then i could possibly see how "mystery" can set in on your part, because of expectations. what if you do tell her and she starts acting "mysterious"? most likely she isn't interested. personally i think she should say something but if she doesn't then don't be discouraged just dust yourself off and keep it moving. if you think she has trust issues, according to you a huge red flag then keep it moving still. mystery=bad idea. about honesty... i have found that when i am honest with a person of the opposite sex, especially if we dissagree it is hard to just have a conversation without it being construed as something more. a honest conversation is nothing but a mind field under certain conditions. i remember one time i was just minding my own business when this guy i know started a conversation with me. he started to ask some questions which i was hesitant to answer and i asked him to just drop it. he kept asking and i said fine and answered, long story short he ended up accusing me of judging him. when infact, my answers had nothing to do with him. it could be difficult for me when i think i have expressed my view but the person takes it personally, i take a step back and take notes. to an extent i feel aliented because i seek understanding in conversations, but end up more isolated than i was to start with... i'm starting to think "naked i came out of my mother's womb, and naked shall i return thither" how about that for honesty? Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 10:16 AM Mysterious? I guess maybe I'm too much of an open book, but I'll tell a guy most anything about myself if he asks. Why should I make a mystery out of my life, personality, interests, etc.? If I like him, I won't lie about it or make him figure out the answer. I won't play hard to get. Either he'll love me for who I am, or he won't. Being mysterious doesn't appear to have any real chance of improving those odds. Then again, I'm still single and a lot of silly, flirty, "mysterious" girls are not single. So maybe there IS something to making fools out of themselves, huh? Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 11:52 AM In my mind, a mysterious person is someone that you can't always tell what they're thinking/feeling. That's not too great in a relationship. It probably doesn't matter that much if both parties are honest and believable about the important stuff...it is kinda cool when you can't always predict someones next move...but on the other hand, it's also very important to be able to trust someone's commitment without second guessing yourself all the time. And like a lot of things, some people miss the mark when they're trying to pull something off that isn't in their personality and it just comes off as weird/unnatural/confusing. My advice to people who think they need to pretend to be something they aren't is..."Don't". If you have to pretend or hide stuff or "become mysterious" to get someone to like you, it's probably not going to end well. Re-evaluate your feelings. Make sure it's healthy and honest. If you already are mysterious...fine...but don't try to fake it... :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 06:03 PM rodeycap I think we all have trust issues. at one time or another we have all been in a relationship that didnt work out. hence the inability to trust off the bat. understandably the mysterious thing is irksome, haha. sounds like could be alot of skeletons in the closet. I like to be open book cuz I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. she could also be hesitant because she is fresh out of a relationship. bless you, Riveroflife Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 08:52 PM I agree with DontHit. When meeting people online and all you have is words on a screen without the tone of voice/body language --- you will do well to be honest and straight-forward. Speak the truth in love. Later, when you meet and can do the body language/voice thing with each other, you might have fun being more mysterious and keep the other guessing and wanting to know more (within reason, of course). But with only words on a screen...... speak up, speak out, and say it in love. My two cents. Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 2 Jun, 2010 01:43 AM I'd like to be more optimistic but if you're straight forward, she's just going to leave you hanging. As though you're running around in the dark and rather than shine some light she'll let you run into a wall or off a cliff. Just play it cool real real cool. Be completely detatched and indifferent. Some mysteries you don't want to find the answer to anyway. It's happened to me too many times. Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 2 Jun, 2010 01:45 AM Thus my conclusion to dating is: play or get played. If you try, you've already lost and get run over without a second thought. Post Reply
View Profile History	Mysterious? Posted : 2 Jun, 2010 11:04 AM Pretty much all of my friends (and all my ex-boyfriends) have said that I'm mysterious and I'm really not completely sure why. I'm actually fairly open with the right person. I just don't like to tell gossips my secrets. Some things are only meant to be shared with one person or a select few. And I guess I just happen to have quite a few of those things in my life. So if I'm talking about myself and leaving all of those things out, then I guess it might seem like being really evasive. I enjoy emotional intimacy a lot, though, just not with everyone! I really like it when a guy is a little bit mysterious... not in the sense that he's closed off, but in the sense that he reveals himself slowly... like the peeling off of a layer at a time. If a guy just lays it all out there at once, then it makes me wonder if he has any discretion, or if he does that with everybody and doesn't really value me especially. And I really enjoy the playfulness of a slow revealing. It's like the difference b/w doing a striptease and just taking your clothes off (not to be vulgar or crass here or imply that anyone should be doing a striptease prior to marriage!!). There's something much lovelier about about a gradual unveiling of the soul. Post Reply

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