Where do you stand on making a list of qualities your future spouse should have? I've heard everything from a girl with a 76 point list to "you shouldn't have any requirements other than the opposite gender and strong Christian." On one hand, we don't know what's best for us, so we need to trust God to provide. On the other, we all have different likes and dislikes, and since we were created by God, he gave us those likes and dislikes.
Also, how strictly should you stick to your list? The 76-point girl thinks part of there reason she isn't supposed to marry her last boyfriend is that he is too short, even though he was at least a head taller than her. As shallow as we hear us guys are, I've never thought, "Well I really like her, but I just can't keep dating her. She's 5'7" and I really want a girl who is 5'5" or shorter." At the same time, I've also seen people who had almost no requirements end up dating people it was clear they shouldn't date, but they had to find out the hard way that entering that relationship was dumb. I've been one of those people before.
So where do you stand? Should there be a middle ground? How do you get there?
I think a list is a great place to start. To people who have an extremely detailed list, good luck with that. To people who have no preferences at all, I see a red flag.
I think part of the process in relationships (beyond just romantic) is not only learning to love all types of people, but to realize what preferences we do have. I have some guidelines I follow, as well as preferences I know I have.
For instance, Christ says to love everyone; being part of Christ's bride I am called to work with, love, sacrifice, and care for other member's of The body. With Christ I AM able to choose to love a brother in Christ, and it shouldn't matter what the color of his hair is, or if he hates Chinese food. This is focused on Committed love. I believe this is important, because Paul warns of marriage's difficulties, and when I don't Feel love anymore, I know I am still committed and can love him through every hardship.
That being said, God's given us the wonderful freedom to choose our mate, which is where our specific preferences and personalities come into play. Because while you can choose to love anyone, you want to be married to someone who is going to make that a fun and joyous experience.
Most recently I have been pondering this, I'll attempt to explain clearly. A man has a choice between two women. One notices he has some faults that could use some work and invites him to change. Their relationship is difficult, their differences sometimes drive them apart, both are sharpening each other and growing, but it's a lot of hard work. One day the man grows tired of change, and realizes the second woman is exactly like him. In fact, she has the same faults he does. Their relationship is easier, they rarely disagree, and feel bonded in their weaknesses. Is this man better off?
Sometimes we search for someone who we want to be happy with, who shares our same goals, passions and dreams. When I look into the Bible, I see Paul telling husbands to make their wives ready for Christ.. prepare them to be 'pure and spotless'. It is the man's responsibility to sharpen his own wife and family. As a woman, I know marriage is designed to prepare me for my ultimate relationship...my union with Christ in Heaven. My husband is my invitation to practice love, sacrifice, etc and my job is to encourage him to grow, to bring light to his hidden sins, weaknesses, and faults.
Marriage no longer sounds like the Hawaiian vacation, but hard work and tough responsibility.
So you ask me if I have a list? I can tell you it doesn't have a list of physical attributes. I want a man who sees me as his unfinished work of art. I want a man who understands that when we fight, we'll be giving an account of it before God. I want a man who sees my faults and Doesn't think "selfish, needs to pray more" but sees my weaknesses and is ready to tackle them with me, and be real about his own sin.
I want a man who seeks to understand me so much, that if he sees I have a talent in an area, he works to nurture that in a way that produces fruit. Who also allows me to speak into his own hidden talents.
I want a man who gets that his interactions with me, don't just matter here...they matter there as well.
If he rides a motorcycle and has a steady job, that's not going to hurt either. :winksmile:
I agree with a lot of what exist has said. I think it depends a lot on your maturity and how much you have yielded to God in this area.
When I got with my ex, the fact he was a black Incredible Hulk sized dude impressed me at 19yrs old. My standards are quite different now. I stand 5'8 without heels and it would be nice to have someone who is still taller than me when I put them on, but I'm not trippin' if he doesn't.
For me, looks/sexiness take a back seat to character, maturity and commitment to God. But I also believe He will give us the desires of our heart if our ways please Him.
Summarized, I have standards. Some are more shallow preferences that I am flexible on, and some are must haves. I am depending on God to send me most importantly what I need and because He loves me, I believe he will be a lot of what I want.
I sort of have a list, but it's more a "wish list" than a "requirement list." There are 10 things on there that range from mandatory (he must have a strong faith in God) to really silly (I'd like him to understand that I don't enjoy watching sports ALL the time). Most everything on there is more along the lines of character qualities, and none of them have to do with physical appearance. I hope I'm not being picky. So far, I've only met one guy who fits all 10 points, but it didn't work out between us in spite of all that. That's why I don't take it too seriously!
The way I look at it, there are three categories. We have biblical requirements, personal requirements, and and then just stuff we like.
It is biblical to only date a strong Christian of the opposite sex. One of my personal requirements is respect for my time though. If a girl thinks it's perfectly okay to say she'll meet me at 6 and show up at 6:30 without so much as a call, we just aren't going to work out. I make no claims that it's a directly biblical requirement, but call me if you're going to be more than a few minutes late. Ultimately, if God called me to marry a woman like that, I'd be willing to work through it. I think. Finally, I like dark skin/dark hair. I also like pale skin/red hair. I realize a woman with all 4 characteristics can't exist, but they're just things I like. It's really no big deal if my wife has any of them or not.
When I was younger (oh, so many years ago) I had a list of the specification/requirements a man had to meet to be my husband.
At this point...... after a lot of years and lots of growing up and maturing, not to mention turning my life over to Christ...... I still have a list. It is very short.
He must be a true, comittied Christian man. He must be honest.
There are other characteristics (physical, hobbies, etc.) that always catch my eye or get my attention with a man..... but I am pretty open to exploring new things and trying them on to see if they "fit".
I have a list. It's more achievement and personality based. For example, I don't want to date anyone who is currently married. I don't want to date anyone who is 30 and doesn't have their high school education. that sort of stuff. Mostly, based on bad experiences
